# So, you're psychic and telekinetic... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 26, 2008, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362 "2008-08-26T23:16:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/21 "2008-08-27T14:51:38Z")
If I were telekinetic, I think I’d use that strictly for personal gain. To get back at someone I hated, I’d only need to use my psychic powers to make them lose control of their bodily functions. Not just the obvious ones, either, but stuff like peristalsis and body-temperature regulation. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/22 "2008-08-27T15:44:44Z")
A little telekenesis goes a long way at the roulette tables in Vegas. Or precognition at any game. Use my newfound wealth to hire a team of really creative character assassins. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/23 "2008-08-27T16:08:09Z")
Use my telepathic abilities to discover the person’s deepest, darkest secrets and telekinetically manipulate water vapor in the atmosphere to spell it out in clouds for the entire city to see. Telekinetically remove one spring at a time from their mattress every other night and replace it with a spike. They’d slowly be getting worse and worse sleep. Alternatively, turn on their TV and lights while they are sleeping and then shut them off as soon as they woke up. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/24 "2008-08-27T16:12:56Z")
I can imagine drivers who piss me off would end up with flat tires or other car problems. And pedestrians who are jerks would trip and fall, have bird poop drop on them, or have the seat of their pants suddenly rip… I tend not to be a practical joker, but I would DEFINITELY get into meting out my own personal version of instant karma. ---
**Author:** ![Sanity\_Challenged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Sanity\_Challenged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sanity_Challenged)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/25 "2008-08-27T18:32:22Z")
I’d wait for my former, two-faced boss to start talking badly about someone, then telekinetically dial that person on his cellphone and activate the speaker-phone. I think I’d challenge myself to cause the maximum amount of frustration with the smallest tricks. Like waiting for an enemy to walk out and try to unlock their car, then at the last second before the key went in the slot, pushing the key ever so slightly right or left. They could try and try and try, but never…quite…hit…the keyhole. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/26 "2008-08-27T18:48:59Z")
I am beginning to realise the reason I like so many particular posters. Some of these ideas are really cracking me up and making me go, “yeh, I’d so do that!” I was also thinking I would do things to get them in trouble with the police – prank calls from their home/mobile phone at all hours of the night, where phone records would prove they’d called, and they’d have no alibi. Maybe a series of calls to 911? that might be fun – especially since they’d be woken by the sirens long before the cops break the door down. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/27 "2008-08-27T18:50:34Z")
[QUOTE=MadPansy64] Four flat tires, every day. Because my second most hated person in the world patronizes my first most hated person in the worlds tire shop. 😃 [/QUOTE] So you’re bringing business to the person you hate most in the world. :: sighing :: I am emailing you a registration form for my villainy workshop. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/28 "2008-08-27T19:35:55Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] So you’re bringing business to the person you hate most in the world. :: sighing :: I am emailing you a registration form for my villainy workshop. [/QUOTE] I thought the same thing, then I gave them the benefit of the doubt and figured maybe _hated person #2_ was really bad enough of a person (I’m thinking maybe from Monsey or Monroe, NY) that it would be more punishment for _hated person #1_ than the money is worth. ---
**Author:** ![MadPansy64](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@MadPansy64](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPansy64)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/29 "2008-08-27T20:48:11Z")
\ [QUOTE=Litoris] I thought the same thing, then I gave them the benefit of the doubt and figured maybe _hated person #2_ was really bad enough of a person (I’m thinking maybe from Monsey or Monroe, NY) that it would be more punishment for _hated person #1_ than the money is worth. [/QUOTE] Exactly. Plus the bitch takes fooooorrrreeeeevvvver to pay her bills. 😃 It’s a small town. ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/30 "2008-08-27T20:57:50Z")
[QUOTE=MadPansy64] \ Exactly. Plus the bitch takes fooooorrrreeeeevvvver to pay her bills. 😃 It’s a small town. [/QUOTE] See, I understood because I have the MIL _from hayell_. Seriously, having to listen to that woman is pure torture – I could see the USA sending her to Gitmo as a new form of torture, and lemmetellya, the rate of terrorism in the world would drop to -30% (terrorists would be REBUILDING things!) just so they’d never have to sit through a conversation with that woman! ---
**Author:** ![QuanSu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c37758/32.png) [@QuanSu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuanSu)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/31 "2008-08-27T20:57:56Z")
I’ll send them to Altair 4 to play with David… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/32 "2008-08-27T20:58:11Z")
[QUOTE=MadPansy64] \ Exactly. Plus the bitch takes fooooorrrreeeeevvvver to pay her bills. 😃 It’s a small town. [/QUOTE] Except that the person you hate most simply stops doing the work fairly quickly, until the second-most-hated person starts paying her bills promptly. She agrees, as he has her over a barrel, or stops driving, because she’s in a small town and can get away with it. Thus your plan undoes itself. Sure you don’t want to sign up for the seminar? For the final exam we’re attacking [censored super-hero team name] headquarters so we can [censored] to [censored]. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/33 "2008-08-27T20:59:01Z")
I figured the real punishment for the tire shop dealer was that they were replacing 4 tires under warranty every day. ---
**Author:** ![MadPansy64](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@MadPansy64](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadPansy64)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/34 "2008-08-27T21:18:22Z")
[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer] Except that the person you hate most simply stops doing the work fairly quickly, until the second-most-hated person starts paying her bills promptly. She agrees, as he has her over a barrel, or stops driving, because she’s in a small town and can get away with it. Thus your plan undoes itself. [/QUOTE] #2 hasn’t paid a local account on time in at least 30 years, but #1 (and most of the other businesses) just keep on providing her goods and services, because she is a shrill hatefilled loudmouth harpy who owns about half the commercial real estate in town. She is a thoroughly unpleasant person who already has #1 over the barrel. > [@](#): > > Sure you don’t want to sign up for the seminar? For the final exam we’re attacking [censored super-hero team name] headquarters so we can [censored] to [censored]. Seminar sounds like fun, but I prefer to help nasty petty little people suffer in nasty petty little ways. Taking over the world sounds like it would be hard on my manicure. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/35 "2008-08-27T21:21:43Z")
[QUOTE=MadPansy64] #2 hasn’t paid a local account on time in at least 30 years, but #1 (and most of the other businesses) just keep on providing her goods and services, because she is a shrill hatefilled loudmouth harpy who owns about half the commercial real estate in town. She is a thoroughly unpleasant person who already has #1 over the barrel. Seminar sounds like fun, but I prefer to help nasty petty little people suffer in nasty petty little ways. Taking over the world sounds like it would be hard on my manicure. 😃 [/QUOTE] Fool of a Took! Why would I tutor others in world conquest? The seminar is strictly for smaller-scale villainy and its main aim to is [del]provide victims for me to sacrifice to Mephistopheles so that I may gain ultimate power[/del] provide a chance for Dopers to socialize, network, and, and improve their lockpicking skills. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/36 "2008-08-27T21:44:31Z")
[QUOTE=Chimera] Oh, and for the really really mean destructive discrediting, given the kewl Powerz factor… You dump them naked and drunk in a remote part of Mongolia. EXPLAIN THAT! [/QUOTE] Better yet - teleport them drunk and naked into something like the Pentagon or Air Force One. Any place where an uninvited visitor will be faced with several military rifles, followed by days of interrogation. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/37 "2008-08-27T22:22:33Z")
Odd, I had thought to open a similar thread - a little more broad, but very similar. In my thread I was going to ask how you could profit from any single super power. Some are easy to see, but how about Wolverine’s instant healing? Anyway, sorry to high jack, but I’m always so fascinated by how often a doper will open a thread similar to what I was thinking. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/38 "2008-08-27T22:24:42Z")
I don’t hate anyone really, but if I did, it would be random clothing failure all the way. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/39 "2008-08-27T22:26:32Z")
[QUOTE=Khadaji] Some are easy to see, but how about Wolverine’s instant healing? [/QUOTE] Have you seen the first 20 minutes or so of _X-Men_? He was getting by (granted, he didn’t seem to be getting rich) letting guys try to beat him. With his healing power, even without anything else, he’d always be able to out-last any assault and eventually any opponent would become a pushover. You could make Congressional call-girl bucks doing that for a living. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2008, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362/40 "2008-08-27T22:30:02Z")
[QUOTE=Khadaji] Odd, I had thought to open a similar thread - a little more broad, but very similar. In my thread I was going to ask how you could profit from any single super power. Some are easy to see, but how about Wolverine’s instant healing? Anyway, sorry to high jack, but I’m always so fascinated by how often a doper will open a thread similar to what I was thinking. [/QUOTE] [Come. Join us. Be not afraid.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=481017) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so-youre-psychic-and-telekinetic/461362.md?page=3)