# SoCal schools ban dictionary: hoax?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 25, 2010, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407 "2010-01-25T19:40:42Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 2
### Author:  [@kjckjc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kjckjc)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/21 "2010-01-26T15:48:48Z")
> [@](#):
>
> “It’s hard to sit and read the dictionary, but we’ll be looking to find other things of a graphic nature,” district spokeswoman Betti Cadmus told the paper.
I do love this part. Has she ever used a dictionary before? It is a terribly useful book, but it does not contain that many surprises. You think of a word you know, then, it should be in a dictionary. Defined and everything. She is going to read the whole thing looking for offensive words? Well, to paraphrase Yoda: “If into the dictionary you go, only pain will you find.” Maybe when she gets to words like “censorship”, “overreacting”, “prude” and “stupid”, she will see the error of her ways.
Betti Cadmus: Do you have a copy _Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary_?
School Librarian: Yes, well, we do have that, as a matter of fact…
BC: The expurgated version…
SL: (pause; politely) I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that…?
BC: The expurgated version.
SL: (exploding) The EXPURGATED version of _Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary_ ?!?!?!?!?
BC: (desperately) The one without the offensive words!
SL: The one without the offensive words-!!! They’ve ALL got the offensive words!! It’s a dictionary, it’s got all the words!!!
BC: (insistent) Well, I don’t like them, especially “oral sex”…it makes me feel funny.
SL: (furious) All right! I’ll remove it!! (rrrip!) Any other words you don’t like?!
BC: I don’t like “labia”…
SL: (screaming) “Labia”! Right! “Labia”! (rrrip!) There you are, any others you don’t like, any others?
BC: “Nipple”?
SL: Right! (flipping through the book) Nipple, nipple, nipple, 'ere we are! (rrriiip!) There you are! NO “oral sex”, NO “labia”, NO “nipples”, THERE’s your book!
BC: (indignant) I can’t use that in a school! It’s torn!
---
### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/22 "2010-01-26T15:53:09Z")
This is perhaps the best banning of all time. It’s meta-banning. It’s like a satirist sat down and spent considerable effort coming up with the thing that would put this issue over the top. In a way, banning the dictionary is like trying to ban the English language (which does, I understand, have some of _those words_ in it).
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### Author:  [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/23 "2010-01-26T15:58:41Z")
> [@bup](#):
>
> In a way, banning the dictionary is like trying to ban the English language (which does, I understand, have some of _those words_ in it).
There once was a book set in a society where the English language had been banned. They used [Newspeak](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newspeak), which was English (“Oldspeak”) with all the bad – sorry, ungood – words taken out. I think some South Californians might like the concept.
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/24 "2010-01-26T16:08:19Z")
> [@kjckjc](#):
>
> especially “oral sex”…it makes me feel funny.
Me too. Like when I’m climbing the rope in gym class.
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### Author:  [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/25 "2010-01-26T16:10:07Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#):
>
> Man, looking up words like “intercourse” and “vagina” was what we all did for kicks in the pre-internet days.
That and browse the lingerie section of the Sears catalog.
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### Author:  [@dhkendall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dhkendall)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/26 "2010-01-26T16:30:12Z")
> [@kjckjc](#):
>
> Betti Cadmus: Do you have a copy _Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary_?
> School Librarian: Yes, well, we do have that, as a matter of fact…
> BC: The expurgated version…
> SL: (pause; politely) I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that…?
> BC: The expurgated version.
> SL: (exploding) The EXPURGATED version of _Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary_ ?!?!?!?!?
> BC: (desperately) The one without the offensive words!
> SL: The one without the offensive words-!!! They’ve ALL got the offensive words!! It’s a dictionary, it’s got all the words!!!
> BC: (insistent) Well, I don’t like them, especially “oral sex”…it makes me feel funny.
> SL: (furious) All right! I’ll remove it!! (rrrip!) Any other words you don’t like?!
> BC: I don’t like “labia”…
> SL: (screaming) “Labia”! Right! “Labia”! (rrrip!) There you are, any others you don’t like, any others?
> BC: “Nipple”?
> SL: Right! (flipping through the book) Nipple, nipple, nipple, 'ere we are! (rrriiip!) There you are! NO “oral sex”, NO “labia”, NO “nipples”, THERE’s your book!
> BC: (indignant) I can’t use that in a school! It’s torn!
Is this a parody of a MPFC sketch? (I feel embarassed to ask, because I consider myself a huge MPFC fan, having seen all their stuff umpteen times). If it isn’t, it’s sure in their style. (John Cleese is the librarian, of course.)
---
### Author:  [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/27 "2010-01-26T17:30:09Z")
> [@dhkendall](#):
>
> Is this a parody of a MPFC sketch? (I feel embarassed to ask, because I consider myself a huge MPFC fan, having seen all their stuff umpteen times). If it isn’t, it’s sure in their style. (John Cleese is the librarian, of course.)
IIRC, it’s the Bookshop sketch, with John Cleese as the bookseller.
ETA: Today’s archive SD article is very appropriate, particularly the last paragraph: [When a toilet atop the Sears Tower is flushed, do the contents fall 110 floors? - The Straight Dope](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/224/when-a-toilet-atop-the-sears-tower-is-flushed-do-the-contents-fall-110-floors)
Is this SoCal school going to start prohibiting plumbing fittings and electrical connectors?
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### Author:  [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/28 "2010-01-26T20:19:34Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#):
>
> That and browse the lingerie section of the Sears catalog.
You could sometimes hit the jackpot in the shower fittings pages.
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### Author:  [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/29 "2010-01-26T21:10:32Z")
> [@Scuba\_Ben](#):
>
> IIRC, it’s the Bookshop sketch, with John Cleese as the bookseller.
[Quite right](http://www.inprint.co.uk/thebookguide/bookshop-skit.htm).
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### Author:  [@AngryIrishLass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngryIrishLass)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/30 "2010-01-26T21:23:43Z")
It’s not really a ban in my eyes. They put a collegiate book in an elementary school and are now removing it. Of course it will have age inappropriate material. The dumbass who ordered the book should have realized that.
The definition states: oral stimulation of the genitals (or some such equivalent).
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### Author:  [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/31 "2010-01-26T21:31:27Z")
Removal.
Of the dictionary.
From a school.
I have no words. Just…just…
_sigh_
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### Author:  [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/32 "2010-01-26T21:33:54Z")
But it wasn’t a “collegiate” book, it was a dictionary compiled and published by a reputable publisher of dictionaries. It’s no different from the dictionary available at any bookstore or library, except that someone got a bug up their ass about one definition.
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### Author:  [@SteveG1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SteveG1)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/33 "2010-01-26T21:37:27Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#):
>
> Ban alphabet soup? Bah! They should just ban the alphabet in schools altogether! No telling what those kids will try to spell.
Yeah! And then they better ban math. 6 and 9 are numbers, right? We all know what 69 means. right? Damn dirty filthy obscene number thingies. :eek:
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### Author:  [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)
#### Post date: [January 26, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/34 "2010-01-26T23:55:17Z")
In HS, I had to choose a ‘pathway.’ I chose the Manufacturing, Engineering and Technology(MET) pathway. I was usually in the honors English classes, but my Junior year I was put in the MET English class. There were about not that many in the class, mostly boys, mostly the kind that took a lot of shop class. One day, the teacher didn’t have a lesson plan and let us talk amongst ourselves the whole period. I taught the boys the words “cunnilingus” and “fellatio.” My teacher overheard us, and asked “What are you doing, Ataraxy?” “Teaching vocabulary, Ms. Anderson. This is English class.” She just rolled her eyes and laughed.
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### Author:  [@AngryIrishLass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngryIrishLass)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/35 "2010-01-27T03:38:02Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#):
>
> But it wasn’t a “collegiate” book, it was a dictionary compiled and published by a reputable publisher of dictionaries. It’s no different from the dictionary available at any bookstore or library, except that someone got a bug up their ass about one definition.
It was a college level dictionary removed from an elementary school. I don’t see how the school would think it was a good idea to buy it in the first place.
[http://www.pe.com/localnews/inland/stories/PE\_News\_Local\_W\_dictionary23.466f8d4.html](http://www.pe.com/localnews/inland/stories/PE_News_Local_W_dictionary23.466f8d4.html)
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### Author:  [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/36 "2010-01-27T07:07:28Z")
> [@AngryIrishLass](#):
>
> It was a college level dictionary removed from an elementary school. I don’t see how the school would think it was a good idea to buy it in the first place.
I don’t understand this at all. We had full dictionaries and (gasp!) encyclopedias in elementary school, and were always encouraged to read independently and to “Look it up!” if we came across an unfamiliar word.
To deliberately withhold reference materials from kids at that age seems a little backwards. Hobbling, even.
It’s not like an hour spent hunting for rude words in the dictionary is going to corrupt a child. As I recall, that’s how I first learned what butyric acid was.
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### Author:  [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/37 "2010-01-27T17:53:40Z")
“Collegiate” dictionaries are shorter, cheaper, more portable versions of their unabridged cousins. The term doesn’t imply any sort of age requirement or maturity rating - quite the opposite. The existence of “elementary school” editions for the easily-envapored is appalling to me.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/38 "2010-01-27T18:05:22Z")
> [@](#):
>
> It’s not like an hour spent hunting for rude words in the dictionary is going to corrupt a child. As I recall, that’s how I first learned what butyric acid was.
“Heh.Heh – It says _butt_”
“Yeah, but it also says _butyric_…”
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### Author:  [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/39 "2010-01-27T18:30:33Z")
> [@AngryIrishLass](#):
>
> It’s not really a ban in my eyes. They put a collegiate book in an elementary school and are now removing it. Of course it will have age inappropriate material. The dumbass who ordered the book should have realized that.
>
> The definition states: oral stimulation of the genitals (or some such equivalent).
I don’t believe it is every inappropriate to teach facts to children. I can be persuaded that sexual content, _in some contexts_, can be inappropriate - my outrage-meter really wouldn’t even twitch if an elementary school library decided not to purchase Harlequin romance novels, for example. But purely factual definitions of words?
Schools exist to teach children things. Any elementary school worth its salt will make a point of teaching children how to teach _themselves_ things - mine spent time every year teaching us how to use the library, including dictionaries. The best way to accomplish this goal is to give children the best reference tools available at budget - including the least-abridged dictionaries affordable.
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### Author:  [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)
#### Post date: [January 27, 2010, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/socal-schools-ban-dictionary-hoax/526407/40 "2010-01-27T19:35:54Z")
> [@AngryIrishLass](#):
>
> It was a college level dictionary removed from an elementary school. I don’t see how the school would think it was a good idea to buy it in the first place.
>
> [http://www.pe.com/localnews/inland/stories/PE\_News\_Local\_W\_dictionary23.466f8d4.html](http://www.pe.com/localnews/inland/stories/PE_News_Local_W_dictionary23.466f8d4.html)
It’s the same dictionary that’s in libraries in every school in the country. The fact that it’s called the “collegiate” dictionary means nothing.
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