# Soccer team takes on 109 kids **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [August 7, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856 "2011-08-07T19:37:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2011, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/1 "2011-08-07T19:37:33Z")
Real Madrid took on a horde of children, and beat them 2-1: [Article here](http://sports.yahoo.com/soccer/blog/dirty-tackle/post/Real-Madrid-played-109-Chinese-kids-and-won?urn=sow-wp3939) I think this precedent should be used in other sports, like boxing. ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2011, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/2 "2011-08-07T20:53:31Z")
Pretty impressive. Going to move this from MPSIMS to the Game Room since it’s about a sports game. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/3 "2011-08-08T02:07:10Z")
Of course this fascinating experiment must be repeated for all sports and we should discuss the implications here. In what sports could a sufficient number of children defeat adult pros, and how many children would you need? For instance, this would not work with baseball. No matter how many children you packed into the outfield, only one child can hit at a time and none of them are going to get a hit off Roy Halladay. Similarly, it is inevitable that many of the pros will hit home runs; you cannot station players beyond the outfield fence no matter how many you’re allowed on the field. However, a sufficient number of children could defeat a professional hockey team. By stuffing children into the net you can create an impenetrable wall of children to foil opposing snipers, and then flood the ice with perhaps 100-150 children, who will eventually manage to stampede a puck or two into the opposing goal. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/4 "2011-08-08T02:27:06Z")
The implications for Ultimate Fighting Championship are obvious. Also bullfighting. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/5 "2011-08-08T11:57:12Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > However, a sufficient number of children could defeat a professional hockey team. By stuffing children into the net you can create an impenetrable wall of children to foil opposing snipers, and then flood the ice with perhaps 100-150 children, who will eventually manage to stampede a puck or two into the opposing goal. How many of those kids would be willing to remain in the net after Zdeno Chara takes a slap shot? ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/6 "2011-08-08T12:33:21Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > How many of those kids would be willing to remain in the net after Zdeno Chara takes a slap shot? Is there any rule that the player has to be living? ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/7 "2011-08-08T13:55:12Z")
Tried to watch the video, but it was surprisingly dull. Rugby would have been far more entertaining. > [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Is there any rule that the player has to be living? Maybe not, but I’m sure there is a rule that prevents you from stacking dead team-mates in front of the goalmouth. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/8 "2011-08-08T14:01:54Z")
A team of 109 kids playing cricket couldn’t beat a top side. As **RickJay** noted for baseball, the likelihood of any kid getting more than a couple of lucky edges off a top bowler is very low, and then even the best young bowlers around would have their deliveries lofted high over the mass of fielders for six after six. American or Canadian football or rugby codes…yeah, I’m not seeing much success for the kids there either. Basketball might be interesting if the kids can work out a full-court press rotation. They couldn’t stop the top players from passing the ball to each other over their heads, but they could slow them down enough to prevent them from getting the ball downcourt fast enough to get a decent shot in before the 24-second clock ran out. On offense, the kids could pick-and-roll a few times to get an open look–or, heck, just stand around and make the adults have to take a long detour. Hmmmm. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/9 "2011-08-08T23:58:47Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > A team of 109 kids playing cricket couldn’t beat a top side. As **RickJay** Basketball might be interesting if the kids can work out a full-court press rotation. With a sufficient number of children you could make it effectively impossible for the pros to approach the basket without being called for charging. About 50-60 children would be enough for two complete lines of kids across the court, about 10 feet apart so that any Vince Carter-type jump stunts would simply cause the jumper to crash into the second row. Once the kids have established position you can’t run into them without being called for it. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/10 "2011-08-09T02:23:00Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > With a sufficient number of children you could make it effectively impossible for the pros to approach the basket without being called for charging. About 50-60 children would be enough for two complete lines of kids across the court, about 10 feet apart so that any Vince Carter-type jump stunts would simply cause the jumper to crash into the second row. Once the kids have established position you can’t run into them without being called for it. Yeah, but on every inbound you could set up to just pass it down the court for an easy shot. Unless you piled the kids so high that a shot would be impossible I think the basketball players take this pretty easily. Even if they can’t, all they need, likely, is any points. They can take full court shots for an hour and win this one. In football I think you can have defense so that it’s be impossible for the offense to do anything. I’m not sure if the children’s offense could do anything though. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/11 "2011-08-09T03:03:34Z")
that was so cute. it seemed that the second half was just 1 kid vs 108 kids to see who could score a goal. why didn’t they show it? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/12 "2011-08-09T19:56:05Z")
> [@](#): > > In football I think you can have defense so that it’s be impossible for the offense to do anything. I’m not sure if the children’s offense could do anything though. 11 men can only be in so many places at once. There will be holes, and the kids would be able to lateral to someone in a position to make it through those holes. The kid who got through wouldn’t be able to get far before an adult defender could catch up, but you only need three yards per play. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/13 "2011-08-09T21:57:09Z")
The problem with a contact sport like football is that either the pros aren’t allowed to actually hit a kid, or the kids are going to get mangled. What 9 year old is going to get up after attempting to block any NFL defensive lineman? Or after attempting to tackle a running back? On offense, the NFL team just snaps the ball for a handoff, everybody forms a circle around the ball carrier, and they casually stroll down the field, walking over or through however many brave kids attempt to stop them. On defense, the NFL team just starts grabbing kids until they find the one with the ball. That kid gets knocked down. Injuries happen, Childrens Services stops the game, litigation ensues. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/14 "2011-08-09T21:59:36Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > The problem with a contact sport like football is that either the pros aren’t allowed to actually hit a kid, or the kids are going to get mangled. What 9 year old is going to get up after attempting to block any NFL defensive lineman? Or after attempting to tackle a running back? > > On offense, the NFL team just snaps the ball for a handoff, everybody forms a circle around the ball carrier, and they casually stroll down the field, walking over or through however many brave kids attempt to stop them. Since we’re not limited to the number of kids on defense, it’s trivial to posit enough kids so that it’s impossible for the NFL team to do anything on offense. 100,000 kids, piled however high that is, making an impervious wall. Done. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/15 "2011-08-09T22:05:42Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > … the kids are going to get mangled. What 9 year old is going to get up after attempting to block any NFL defensive lineman? I don’t understand how this is a problem. > [@Oakminster](#): > > Injuries happen, Childrens Services stops the game, litigation ensues. So they sign a waiver… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/16 "2011-08-09T22:48:55Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > On defense, the NFL team just starts grabbing kids until they find the one with the ball. That kid gets knocked down. > > Injuries happen, Childrens Services stops the game, litigation ensues. Nah, the NFL team just picks the kid up and carries him back his own end zone, carrying him over the back line for a safety. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/17 "2011-08-09T22:59:00Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Since we’re not limited to the number of kids on defense, it’s trivial to posit enough kids so that it’s impossible for the NFL team to do anything on offense. 100,000 kids, piled however high that is, making an impervious wall. Done. In the Real Madrid instance, there are 9.9 kids for every professional player. That seems like the benchmark to stick with. Could 109 middle school kids beat a professional American Football team? ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/18 "2011-08-09T23:10:09Z")
> [@Snarky\_Kong](#): > > Since we’re not limited to the number of kids on defense, it’s trivial to posit enough kids so that it’s impossible for the NFL team to do anything on offense. 100,000 kids, piled however high that is, making an impervious wall. Done. Well, I’m kinda assuming the parents would want to be able to re-use the children at some point. If we’re talking fully disposable children, then it’s possible, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![Snarky\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a183cd/32.png) [@Snarky\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snarky_Kong)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/19 "2011-08-10T00:53:24Z")
> [@appleciders](#): > > In the Real Madrid instance, there are 9.9 kids for every professional player. That seems like the benchmark to stick with. Could 109 middle school kids beat a professional American Football team? No. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856/20 "2011-08-10T00:59:20Z")
How many kids holding onto ankles can a pro football player drag along? How many before he’s significantly slowed? I can only do maybe four, and that very slowly. And once you’ve got the pro significantly slowed, the rest of the kids can converge on him. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/soccer-team-takes-on-109-kids/591856.md?page=2)