# Social dilemma - What would you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 24, 2024, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593 "2024-01-24T14:49:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/61 "2024-01-25T14:32:04Z")
[![Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/CksKXH9.jpeg "imgur.com") ](https://imgur.com/CksKXH9) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/62 "2024-01-25T14:32:38Z")
I could see knowing one or two peoples needs and you could make a meal to accommodate that. But if you have 10 or 20 guests. You’ll get varied needs. Kosher, allergic, diabetic, personal dislikes or diets. That’s impossible. You plan your meal. Invite your guests. Announce what you’re serving. If alcohol will be served. What the party is for. Leave it to the guest to decide whether to attend or not. ---
**Author:** ![F.U.Shakespeare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@F.U.Shakespeare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/F.U.Shakespeare)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/63 "2024-01-25T14:48:06Z")
I voted “Bring a low-carb dish”, but I might instead eat beforehand. I have digestive problems, which are riled up by eggs and dairy products. Before I retired, I sometimes traveled to contractors’ facilities where lunch was provided. (Obviously, I didn’t have the option of not attending, as with a social event.) Often,the food was subs/sandwiches already made (as opposed to trays of bread/cold cuts, toppings, etc. where you could make your own). On those occasions, it was basically impossible to avoid egg and dairy (in the form of mayo and cheese). So I would buy a sub at a deli on the way to the office. Invariably, someone would ask why I’d brought my own food. I would answer, “dietary restrictions”. If they asked for more information, I would say “ulcerative colitis”, which usually shut them up. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/64 "2024-01-25T15:12:49Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > But if you have 10 or 20 guests. You’ll get varied needs. Kosher, allergic, diabetic, personal dislikes or diets. That’s impossible. Maybe - my husband and I routinely cook holiday meals for 30 or 40 people. We don’t take personal likes or dislikes into account very much - with that many people we’re going to make a ham and a turkey or a roast beef and a lasagna or some other combination of two main courses plus a vegan one to cover the vegans/vegetarians so people can pick from three. The only special diets we have are vegan and vegetarian and vegan food covers both. It’s not that hard to make the sweet potatoes with margarine instead of butter and leave out the marshmallows or to leave the cheese sauce on the side instead of pouring it over the broccoli. Anyway, about the special needs, you don’t necessarily have to make a whole separate meal for a lot of them. You can take care of gluten-free/low carb/doesn’t eat meat by having a more varied menu that includes at least some items without gluten/carb/meat. The problem with the menu in the OP is that _everything_ has carbs, not that there is _anything_ with carbs. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/65 "2024-01-25T15:17:04Z")
My daughter is a vegetarian, as is her husband. She also cannot eat dairy. I always make them Indian food, which we love as well I’ve never cooked for (or known?) a vegan. Is that odd? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/66 "2024-01-25T15:51:14Z")
I’m a picky eater. This happens to me all the time. No, it’s not medically necessary, i just hate peppers. (And am picky in some other ways.) If they tell me the menu upfront (or ask what i like to eat/do i have dietary restrictions) i tell them and offer to bring a dish. If they don’t want me to bring something, i don’t. I just don’t eat the food i don’t want to eat. In this case, I’d probably take a sub and eat the innards, disposing of the bread discretely if possible, it just leaving it on my plate if not. But I’m there for the social aspect. And unless I’m exercising heavily, i can skip a meal without discomfort. So it’s really no big deal. (If I’m also exercising that day, I’ll eat before hand, or possibly pocket a snack. But that rarely comes up.) > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > But if you have 10 or 20 guests. You’ll get varied needs. Kosher, allergic, diabetic, personal dislikes or diets. That’s impossible. On the contrary, i quite enjoy cooking for groups and meeting a variety of needs and desires. I do it by providing multiple dishes, not by trying to have one dish that everyone can eat. (And keeping different dishes separate.) I’ve fed people who are vegan, celiac, kosher, diabetic, allergic to melons, sensitive to corn and chicken (including corn starch and corn syrup), and deadly allergic to nightshades. I take it as a challenge. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/67 "2024-01-25T17:25:30Z")
@Mean_Mr.Mustard’s cartoon: I would have a whole lot of food on that table. (It’s Thanksgiving, after all; unless there’s a genuine shortage, there ought to be a whole lot of food on that table.) There’d be several things each person can eat, and a number of things that each person can’t (except maybe for nearly-omnivorous me). (I don’t know about the one on the cleanse; but they’re probably at least drinking something.) The strict-kosher person gets new paper plates, new plastic utensils, and previously-unopened packages of kosher food. Once they’re served, pass the packages around the rest of the table; that’s good stuff, and nearly everybody can eat at least something from it. But most people who’ll take up a dinner invitation from a non-kosher household aren’t keeping strict enough kosher for it to apply to the pots and dishes. The problem wouldn’t be the food; it would be if any of them insisted on lecturing the others. But I’ve run into people in all those categories who wouldn’t (and have had nearly all of them for dinner; though I think never the person doing a cleanse.) > [@Beckdawrek](#): > > I could see knowing one or two peoples needs and you could make a meal to accommodate that. > > But if you have 10 or 20 guests. You’ll get varied needs. Kosher, allergic, diabetic, personal dislikes or diets. That’s impossible. Not impossible at all, IME, for an occasional meal. Bear in mind that nobody has to eat everything on the menu; and your chances of getting the full assortment in the cartoon plus a batch of different strong personal dislikes aren’t large. If it had to be routine, I’d make it potluck. There’s more overlap than you might think, in most cases. Put plain baked sweet potatoes and/or regular potatoes and/or sweet corn on the table, and also a dish of butter, one of vegan margarine, salt and pepper, sour cream, gravy all out separately. Don’t salt most things to start with, and pass the salt. Use the vegan margarine for the pie crust, and put out a mixed fruit bowl with dessert. (If you buy your pie from the Mennonites, watch out for lard in the crust!) Put out a choice of veggies with a choice of dips. And so on. Again, I wouldn’t give such a party very often. More often, I’d have smaller ones with people’s needs somewhat coordinated. But they still need to tell me! ---
**Author:** ![Boudicca90](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boudicca90/32/16818_2.png) [@Boudicca90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boudicca90)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/68 "2024-01-25T19:53:39Z")
I most likely just wouldn’t mention it and would either eat something beforehand or try to find something there that I’m able to eat. I would feel like telling them about it would cause them to want to cater to my specific dietary wants when they don’t have to. If there was an actual health risk, I would most likely tell them however. It can be annoying going to a gathering when the hosts are a little too aware of everyone’s dietary choices and try to cater to them. There was a meeting and get-together recently where most of the food just wasn’t appetizing to me because they catered to the vegans and vegetarians so much that they ignored the rest of us. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/69 "2024-01-25T20:05:51Z")
> [@Boudicca90](#): > > I most likely just wouldn’t mention it and would either eat something beforehand or try to find something there that I’m able to eat. I would feel like telling them about it would cause them to want to cater to my specific dietary wants when they don’t have to. Yep, this is pretty much where I am at. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/70 "2024-01-25T20:51:31Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I’ve never cooked for (or known?) a vegan. Is that odd? You’re lucky. Both my daughters are hard-core vegans. I can’t even cook with honey—_that’s bee vomit, Dad!_ On the other hand, they have introduced me to a few vegan dishes that are quite tasty. Not _cheeseburger tasty_, but tasty enough. ---
**Author:** ![carrps](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carrps/32/2957_2.png) [@carrps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrps)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2024, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593/71 "2024-01-25T21:55:37Z")
I’m an ominvore and not picky at all. If I’m inviting people for a meal, tell me if you have restrictions. I’m not a mind reader! Yes, if you’re a close friend I’ll probably know if you’re a vegan or a vegetarian, but if it’s not a big gathering, I’m not preparing ten different dishes to cover any possible dietary choices. Tell me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/social-dilemma-what-would-you-do/996593.md?page=3)