# Solution to Financial Crisis **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 12, 2009, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501 "2009-02-12T06:22:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/1 "2009-02-12T06:22:28Z")
OK, I have figured it out. We have a lottery to see who gets to shoot the fuckers on Wall Street. They decided they won’t be paying “bonuses” they will be paying retention “awards”. I’m in for $100. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/2 "2009-02-12T13:44:29Z")
Do we have to shoot to kill? I’m thinking a knee, elbow, or shoulder would be more fitting. Why give them the easy way out? Oh, and of course they only get to use the same health plan as the lowest-echelon employee at heir company. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/3 "2009-02-12T13:53:26Z")
Shooting knees shoulders etc. would keep personal injury lawyers tied up for years. OTOH keeping lawyers tied up for years might be a good thing 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tagos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@tagos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tagos)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/4 "2009-02-12T14:10:19Z")
> [@DanBlather](#): > > OK, I have figured it out. We have a lottery to see who gets to shoot the fuckers on Wall Street. They decided they won’t be paying “bonuses” they will be paying retention “awards”. I’m in for $100. Put me down for a ticket. Can we charge the family for the bullet? (not that it’s a deal-breaker or anything). ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/5 "2009-02-12T15:21:27Z")
> [@DanBlather](#): > > I’m in for $100. At first I thought that $100 was way too low. One must charge for the pleasure of shooting those fuckers, after all. Then it dawned on me – The people most affected by the downturn probably can’t afford that. Damn, don’t charge $100. Charge a quarter. You’ll get more takers that way. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/6 "2009-02-12T15:24:31Z")
I’m like 5% serious here 😉 Maybe the Romans had it right…Maybe what should be done is some random subset of the bastards should be scourged and crucified and put on up Wall Street to die. After a couple of days when they do die keep them there until they rot off. Probably won’t accomplish anything and is a violation of the Constitution…but it would send a message. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/7 "2009-02-12T16:42:03Z")
> [@BlinkingDuck](#): > > Maybe the Romans had it right…Maybe what should be done is some random subset of the bastards should be scourged and crucified and put on up Wall Street to die. After a couple of days when they do die keep them there until they rot off. What’s wrong with lions and tigers? In fact, I prefer gladiator fights. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/8 "2009-02-12T16:52:26Z")
> [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > What’s wrong with lions and tigers? In fact, I prefer gladiator fights. Why can’t it be both? ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/9 "2009-02-12T16:56:33Z")
> [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > What’s wrong with lions and tigers? In fact, I prefer gladiator fights. Lions and tigers for a bear market? Oh my. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/10 "2009-02-12T17:09:16Z")
I’m pretty sure you just won the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/11 "2009-02-12T17:19:16Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > Lions and tigers for a bear market? > > Oh my. That’s bull! ---
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/12 "2009-02-12T17:41:05Z")
Dear Mr. President; If you give me $789 Billion dollars, I promise to buy 10 of everything in the world, thus reviving the economy on a universal scale. Thank you in advance. Sincerely; Mince ---
**Author:** ![Mince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecd19e/32.png) [@Mince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mince)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/13 "2009-02-12T17:42:12Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > Lions and tigers for a bear market? > > Oh my. Oops; Doc Oc beat me to the (obvious) punchline. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/14 "2009-02-12T18:01:24Z")
> [@DanBlather](#): > > OK, I have figured it out. We have a lottery to see who gets to shoot the fuckers on Wall Street. They decided they won’t be paying “bonuses” they will be paying retention “awards”. I’m in for $100. Shooting them seems too final. And who has $100 to spare? I say sell tickets to whack them in the nads with a baseball bat for $5 each. Bonus: if you need more stimulus, they’re still around so you can sell tickets again. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/15 "2009-02-12T18:09:24Z")
What if instead of shooting them we made them take the total amount of their bonuses, convert it to cash, stuff it in their clothes, and then lift them a few feet in the air on a rope, and then give all of the people in the city a big stick? It is like a grown-up version of a pinata! ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/16 "2009-02-12T18:29:13Z")
> [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > What’s wrong with lions and tigers? In fact, I prefer gladiator fights. Fine. I think the scourging and crucifying is a better option but if you want gladiator fights then so be it…we can have both. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/17 "2009-02-12T18:38:05Z")
I think there should be dunking booths…filled with acid. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/18 "2009-02-12T18:41:57Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > What if instead of shooting them we made them take the total amount of their bonuses, convert it to cash, stuff it in their clothes, and then lift them a few feet in the air on a rope, and then give all of the people in the city a big stick? It is like a grown-up version of a pinata! I like the way you think. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/19 "2009-02-12T19:16:14Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > What if instead of shooting them we made them take the total amount of their bonuses, convert it to cash, stuff it in their clothes, and then lift them a few feet in the air on a rope, and then give all of the people in the city a big stick? It is like a grown-up version of a pinata! Hmmmmm… I’m a traditionalist myself - you know - tried and true stuff…but your idea has some potential. ---
**Author:** ![A\_Priori\_Tea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3bc359/32.png) [@A\_Priori\_Tea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Priori_Tea)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2009, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501/20 "2009-02-12T20:23:36Z")
> [@pbbth](#): > > What if instead of shooting them we made them take the total amount of their bonuses, convert it to cash, stuff it in their clothes, and then lift them a few feet in the air on a rope, and then give all of the people in the city a big stick? It is like a grown-up version of a pinata! I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. Also, put me down for $500 in tickets to that event. I know a _lot_ of people who wield sticks for fun, and who are suffering the hit from the economic downturn. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/solution-to-financial-crisis/485501.md?page=2)