# Some advice from the sexual virtuoso... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 20, 2006, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-advice-from-the-sexual-virtuoso/361471 "2006-06-20T19:51:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![dnooman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/839c29/32.png) [@dnooman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dnooman)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2006, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-advice-from-the-sexual-virtuoso/361471/81 "2006-07-01T06:04:38Z")
#24 If she says that she does not want her mouth full of (insert semen euphemism), it is not acceptable to bypass the mouth and use a nostril in order to get said fluid into the stomach of the recipient. #25 If she’s a hooker, make sure to say “Please don’t steal my kidneys” before passing out. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2006, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-advice-from-the-sexual-virtuoso/361471/82 "2006-07-01T20:06:05Z")
[QUOTE=Rufus Xavier] I agree. It’s been my experience that Jamaican drug lords, for example, will usually greet such a display with helpless giggles. [/QUOTE] Canadian drug lords re remarkably similar to their Jamaican counterparts in that respect. ---
**Author:** ![Cherry2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cherry2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry2000)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2006, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-advice-from-the-sexual-virtuoso/361471/83 "2006-07-02T18:31:50Z")
#26 If your gentleman firend is having difficulty performing, it is generally considered a faux pas to tap him on the head of the penis and ask, “Is this thing on?” ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2006, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-advice-from-the-sexual-virtuoso/361471/84 "2006-07-02T19:15:31Z")
1. Yes; it’s a much better idea to say that while the penis is fully in your mouth. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-advice-from-the-sexual-virtuoso/361471/85 "2006-07-11T01:33:15Z")
Logic does not apply. The folks who are seriously into being tickled, and whose fiction is rife with references to laughing so hard they wet their pants, have no interest in being approached by the folks who are seriously into urinary incontinence, who in turn, despite lurid fantasy descriptions of how fun it would be to make someone wet themselves, have no interest in folks who haven’t already embraced the notion that they should pee into their garments on purpose and consider it erotic. I dunno how the S-vs-M and B-vs-D folks ever get it on ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-advice-from-the-sexual-virtuoso/361471/86 "2006-07-11T02:01:52Z")
If the nice lady you met at a bar gives you her email address, and it turns out to be “Tongueholster”, you might want to cancel the carp fishing trip with the guys this coming weekend. [sub]I haven’t checked to see if ‘Tongueholster’ is a valid email on any of the better known ISP’s, but I bet someone amongst you will.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Othersider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/cab0a1/32.png) [@Othersider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Othersider)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2006, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-advice-from-the-sexual-virtuoso/361471/87 "2006-07-11T03:47:14Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] If you get caught with a pro, you may end up as a con. [/QUOTE] I was thinking, “if you get caught with a con, you may end up as a pro.” 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-advice-from-the-sexual-virtuoso/361471.md?page=4)