# Some Bibel Questions **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [January 6, 2011, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564 "2011-01-06T02:06:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/21 "2011-01-06T16:02:56Z")
You know, you just can’t get good algumwood these days. I blame Wal\*Mart. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/22 "2011-01-06T16:11:02Z")
> [@](#): > > King Solomon gave the queen of Sheba all she desired and asked for; he gave her more than she had brought to him. **Lots** more, if you believe the [Ethiopian legend](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Menelik_I). 😉 600 wives, 400 concubines, and the horndog **still** had to have a little on the side . . . ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/23 "2011-01-06T16:17:29Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > There isn’t really a story for the Ark of the Covenant. God tells the Jews to build it. They do. They stick it in the Temple. Eventually the Temple is destroyed. There’s not much more to it than that, unless I’m grossly misrecalling. There’s the fun bit where King David recaptures it, then leads the procession dancing around so that his tunic is flying up and all the people can see his bottom (and possibly his genitals?) so his wife gets cross at him for exposing himself in public. That’s CRUCIAL to the Ark “story”, I think you’ll find. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/24 "2011-01-06T17:07:11Z")
**SecondJudith** , I thought that procession and David’s crazy-ass bare-ass dance was specifically when the Ark was finally conveyed to Jerusalem after it had been resting somewhere else for Far Too Long. (During which time the Philistines periodically got bored and played “Swipe the Box.”) ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/25 "2011-01-06T17:42:55Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > The surprising part of that story is that God, who had to peer down really hard even to see the construction site from Heaven, seemed to be genuinely **frightened** that it actually **would** reach Heaven. It was always my understanding that God wasn’t afraid they would reach heaven, but more that they had the pride to believe they could and/or that it was built as an act of defiance against God. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/26 "2011-01-06T18:05:15Z")
> [@Blaster\_Master](#): > > It was always my understanding that God wasn’t afraid they would reach heaven, but more that they had the pride to believe they could and/or that it was built as an act of defiance against God. > [@](#): > > And the Lord came down to see the city and the tower, which the children built. 6 And the Lord said, Behold, the people is one, and they have all one language; and this they begin to do; and now nothing will be restrained from them, which they have imagined to do. Your interpretation is an obvious one, but it is only an interpretation, and the plain text reads otherwise. **For whatever reason,** God did not want the people to be able to achieve anything they wished. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/27 "2011-01-06T19:21:35Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Your interpretation is an obvious one, but it is only an interpretation, and the plain text reads otherwise. **For whatever reason,** God did not want the people to be able to achieve anything they wished. I can’t find a cite for it anywhere, but when I was much younger, I remember a particular teacher expounding on that verse for a stretch of Sundays with a theory that the Jewish people had seen either the ziggurats or the pyramids, and were bummed that they didn’t have anything like that in their own culture. Resultingly, they essentially handwaved a story about God smiting people in the “way misty past” therefore preventing their great cultural building achievements. My obvious question was if God had really smitten everyone ‘way back in the misty past’, how then did the pyramid and ziggurat builders get theirs built to inspire the envy? It’s funny the unfounded ‘theories’ that get thrown around. Being older now, I also wonder if that whole theory even deserves that much limited questioning, because I seem to recall the Israelites being a nomadic warfaring people, and spending your time conquering all your neighbors doesn’t exactly lend itself to great building projects. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/28 "2011-01-06T20:25:02Z")
> [@Lasciel](#): > > I can’t find a cite for it anywhere, but when I was much younger, I remember a particular teacher expounding on that verse for a stretch of Sundays with a theory that the Jewish people had seen either the ziggurats or the pyramids, and were bummed that they didn’t have anything like that in their own culture. Resultingly, they essentially handwaved a story about God smiting people in the “way misty past” therefore preventing their great cultural building achievements. > > My obvious question was if God had really smitten everyone ‘way back in the misty past’, how then did the pyramid and ziggurat builders get theirs built to inspire the envy? > > It’s funny the unfounded ‘theories’ that get thrown around. > > Being older now, I also wonder if that whole theory even deserves that much limited questioning, because I seem to recall the Israelites being a nomadic warfaring people, and spending your time conquering all your neighbors doesn’t exactly lend itself to great building projects. I always took it as simply an explanatory “How the Elephant Got His Trunk” myth – a way to account for the fact that people speak different languages. The Tower was used just because the Hebrews were vaguely aware that Mesopotamian ziggurats existed – and, perhaps, that Mesopotamia, at all times after the early Sumerian period, was a land of many tongues. Actually the Israelites were **not** ever a nomadic warfaring people, that almost certainly was part of a consciously invented national mythology (so is Exodus), but that’s another discussion. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/29 "2011-01-06T20:40:56Z")
> [@Lasciel](#): > > I can’t find a cite for it anywhere, but when I was much younger, I remember a particular teacher expounding on that verse for a stretch of Sundays with a theory that the Jewish people had seen either the ziggurats or the pyramids, and were bummed that they didn’t have anything like that in their own culture. Resultingly, they essentially handwaved a story about God smiting people in the “way misty past” therefore preventing their great cultural building achievements. Remember, the people who build the Tower were neither Hebrews nor Jews, being pre-Abraham, so I doubt the legend has anything to do with the lack of big buildings in Jerusalem. I agree it is a just-so story, and the root of the tower legend was no doubt someone coming back to Jerusalem and singing Everything’s up to date in Babylon City They went about as fur as they can go They went and built a temple, 20 stories high That’s as high as a temple ought to go. ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/30 "2011-01-06T21:30:20Z")
> [@srzss05](#): > > Archangels locked up in the Ark of the Covenant? Perhaps you really do need to read the Bible rather than the Cliff Notes version. [peeve] Cliff’s Notes. Notes belonging to [Cliff Hillegas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clifton_Hillegass). No crags involved. [/peeve] ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/31 "2011-01-06T21:34:01Z")
Oh, and, [the Ark of the Covenant is in Ethiopia.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Church_of_Our_Lady_Mary_of_Zion) (We have to take their word for that, because nobody is allowed to look at it but one caretaker monk who is never allowed to leave the room.) ---
**Author:** ![srzss05](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@srzss05](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/srzss05)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2011, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/32 "2011-01-06T21:38:59Z")
> [@Chessic\_Sense](#): > > [peeve] > Cliff’s Notes. Notes belonging to [Cliff Hillegas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clifton_Hillegass). No crags involved. > [/peeve] Sorry. I sometimes type fast and if spellchecker doesn’t catch it, I often let it go. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Mind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7cd45c/32.png) [@Simple\_Mind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Mind)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/33 "2011-01-07T10:31:36Z")
Hi, thanks for all the great input, so it seems as if I have quite a mixup of all possible sources of all the fragments that I remember, so it’s not Biblical at all but rather Fictional… ---
**Author:** ![SecondJudith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@SecondJudith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecondJudith)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/34 "2011-01-07T15:50:27Z")
> [@Scuba\_Ben](#): > > **SecondJudith** , I thought that procession and David’s crazy-ass bare-ass dance was specifically when the Ark was finally conveyed to Jerusalem after it had been resting somewhere else for Far Too Long. (During which time the Philistines periodically got bored and played “Swipe the Box.”) Yes, and sometimes people would intermittently trip and fall against it and BE SMITED. It was a jolly time all right! 😃 > [@Simple\_Mind](#): > > Hi, thanks for all the great input, so it seems as if I have quite a mixup of all possible sources of all the fragments that I remember, so it’s not Biblical at all but rather Fictional… For most of the parts you’re talking about, it’s pretty much the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![Latro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a87d85/32.png) [@Latro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Latro)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/35 "2011-01-07T16:27:26Z")
> [@Simple\_Mind](#): > > so it’s not Biblical at all but rather Fictional… LOL ---
**Author:** ![Bartman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/779978/32.png) [@Bartman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bartman)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/36 "2011-01-07T16:51:02Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > This is from _Raiders of the Lost Ark_. In the Bible, the only things in the ark are the tablets of the Ten Commandments, some manna, and maybe some other artifacts. There are angels inscribed on the top of the ark. Yeah but some of those other “maybe” artifacts are doozies. Along with the boring stuff like Aarons staff, some traditions place 5 golden hemorrhoids and 5 golden rats in there as well. The ones given by the Philistines when they captured and returned the Arc after having 50,000 of them die from the hemorrhoids. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/37 "2011-01-07T16:56:38Z")
> [@SecondJudith](#): > > Yes, and sometimes people would intermittently trip and fall against it and BE SMITED. It was a jolly time all right! 😃 Yes, if “trip and fall” means “reach out and touch” and if “sometimes” means “once.” > [@](#): > > They set the ark of God on a new cart and brought it from the house of Abinadab, which was on the hill. Uzzah and Ahio, sons of Abinadab, were guiding the new cart with the ark of God on it, and Ahio was walking in front of it… > > When they came to the threshing floor of Nakon, Uzzah reached out and took hold of the ark of God, because the oxen stumbled. The LORD’s anger burned against Uzzah because of his irreverent act; therefore God struck him down, and he died there beside the ark of God. (II Samuel 6) The ark was a holy object and Uzzah knew that touching it was forbidden, that’s why it was carried with poles or on a cart. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/38 "2011-01-07T18:22:00Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > The ark was a holy object and Uzzah knew that touching it was forbidden, that’s why it was carried with poles or on a cart. This particular story always stunned me. Uzzah tries to protect the Ark from falling and getting damaged, and Yahweh smites him for that, on principle. He could be such a prick sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/39 "2011-01-07T18:33:51Z")
> [@Bartman](#): > > . . . after having 50,000 of them die from the hemorrhoids. :eek: I’ll take the bubonic plague, thank you! ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2011, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564/40 "2011-01-07T19:08:22Z")
> [@Skammer](#): > > Read Genesis chapter 11. Basically the men of the city of Babel decide to build a tower to reach heaven, and God prevents this by confusing their language so they can’t talk to each other.\*\* This is the Bible’s explanation for the multitude of human languages in the world\*\*. Commonly taken as that the Bible does not state that and leans more towards mis-communication between people of the same language. The translation is usually ‘confuse their language’. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-bibel-questions/566564.md?page=3)