# Some Looney gave me my First Chick Track **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 19, 2000, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323 "2000-04-19T18:30:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/1 "2000-04-19T18:30:00Z")
Heheheh, It’s called “The Choice.” It’s interesting that he gave the origin of Satan as Lucifer saying, “When Satan was created, his name was Lucifer…So God kicked him out of heaven and he became Satan.” I was pretty sure they were two seperate entities. I always thought of Lucifer as being more like Prometheus (the Greek god who gave man fire) because I believe Lucifer means “Bringer of Light”. Also, he traces all sin back to Adam and Eve and because of them “…we are all born spiritually dead and headed for damnation in hell.” Perhaps the wackiest quote in the book is, “Satan also uses education.” Unfortunately this is even wackier when the lead up into it is, “The devil knows there is only oneway to escape hell’s flames. So he works hard to sop people from learning that way of escape. One of his favorite weapons is religion. He uses it to keep billions in bondage. Satan Also uses education. Many think they are too smart to accept this one truth.” heheehehhe This is too funny. I can’t believe I actually read the whole thing. I was hoping there would be some homosexual taunt in it. I like to see how radicals think sometimes. I feel almost as dirty as I did when I first came across the site of Infernal Ultimate Evil that shall not be named. Maybe Dr. Jackson can find it. I am going to toss this little booklet in the recycle bin now. If all this crap that he spewed forth is true, I would rather live in hell…which by many christian’s standards I would anyway because not only am I gay, I am a pagan. Still, it is too funny. HUGS EVERYONE! Sqrl * * * [SqrlCub’s Arizona Adventure](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005351.html) ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/2 "2000-04-19T18:33:00Z")
Can it be a coincidence that your Chick Tract names THREE SD members—myself, Adam and Satan? Hmmm . . . Better check for other SD inside references. When I’m in the mood I enjoy arguing logic with Jews for Jesus. I NEVER argue with the Church of the Crazy Screaming Black Guy in Herald Square, though; I’m not suicidal! ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/3 "2000-04-19T18:33:00Z")
Enlighten me, O Worshipper of All Things Asner - what is a “Chick Track?” Esprix, clueless in Philadelphia * * * ## [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) (or, if you prefer the Jesusfied version, [Asketh the damn Priest Guy!](http://www.askjesus.org/ask.cgi?http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html)) ## “Never assume a malicious intent when stupidity will explain just as well.” {This space reserved for a Genuine WallyM7 Sig™} ---
**Author:** ![Trion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Trion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trion)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/4 "2000-04-19T18:38:00Z")
What?? New to the fundie evil that is the Chick Tract? Thou must surely live a sheltered life. [www.chick.com/default.asp](http://www.chick.com/default.asp) Check out the link and be saved. Or vomit like the rest of us. * * * “My mind reels with sarcastic replies!” - Snoopy ---
**Author:** ![Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trout_Mask_Replica)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/5 "2000-04-19T18:39:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by Esprix: > **Enlighten me, O Worshipper of All Things Asner - what is a "Chick Track?"** ## Read 'em online [here](http://www.chick.com). Funny stuff, yet scary as well. **TMR** _If you believed in yourself, and tore enough holes in your pants, there was always a mist-filled alley right around the corner._ ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/6 "2000-04-19T18:40:00Z")
Esprix, have you been missing out! [Chick Publications](http://www.chick.com/default.asp) They are small booklets, originally created by a certain “Jack T. Chick”, used to spread the word of God to the sinners like you. ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/7 "2000-04-19T18:43:00Z")
I have one hanging here in my office at work. It’s called I’ll Do It Later. Occassionally I help another girl here process payments for a cable company that the owners of the hotel group I work for also own. This particular tract talks about procrastinating and shows a guy saying he’ll do all kinds of stuff later. Finally he is older and says he will ‘Find Jesus later’. Then it shows him in Hell, wishing he had not procrastinated. This tract came along with a cable payment that was 10 days late. * * * Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive. ---
**Author:** ![SqrlCub](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SqrlCub](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SqrlCub)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/8 "2000-04-19T18:46:00Z")
Amazing! Three people simulposted to the Chick Tract site (sorry for the earlier mispelling and that one if it is spelled wrong.) So you know, Esprix, Chick Tracts are really cheesy fundamentalist spew that are aimed at converting people. You will probably see them in most public places from time to time. I, however, was given this one directly. I was really hoping it would be more laughable. The scariest part of them is that several people (I can hardly believe it is more than five but I know it is) actually believe in the fundie message and then there are those who are even more extreme. SIGH! Sqrl * * * [SqrlCub’s Arizona Adventure](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum4/HTML/005351.html) ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/9 "2000-04-19T18:46:00Z")
There is also a thread on them in the [BBQ Pit.](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum5/HTML/000522.html) * * * Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/10 "2000-04-19T19:03:00Z")
{shudder} I feel like the guy who asked, “What’s felching mean?” and then got pointed to a website. Ugh. Esprix * * * ## [Ask the Gay Guy!](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html) (or, if you prefer the Jesusfied version, [Asketh the damn Priest Guy!](http://www.askjesus.org/ask.cgi?http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/001376.html)) ## “Never assume a malicious intent when stupidity will explain just as well.” {This space reserved for a Genuine WallyM7 Sig™} ---
**Author:** ![Mergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Mergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mergirl)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/11 "2000-04-19T19:31:00Z")
AHAHAHAHAHA! I have to laugh at this silliness, or else I’ll cry. The minister at my Unitarian Church was sent one of these pieces of garbage after she wrote a letter to the local paper in support of a recent gay rights bill. Oh, my favourite are the downright racist/xenophobic/intolerant ones like “Allah Had No Son” “The Death Cookie” and “Doom Town”! * * * “We must jump up and down and down, and around and around.” - Tori Amos ---
**Author:** ![Mergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Mergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mergirl)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/12 "2000-04-19T19:34:00Z")
Other great sick-making ones are “Why is Mary Crying?” and “The visitor” or “The Tycoon”. 😛 * * * “We must jump up and down and down, and around and around.” - Tori Amos ---
**Author:** ![C3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/c3/32/3108_2.png) [@C3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C3)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/13 "2000-04-19T19:37:00Z")
My fundamentalist aunt sends these to my Mormon brother in his Christmas card each year…nice. I am constantly amazed at the restraint and grace with which my brother handles family get-togethers, especially the Christmas ones that take place just days after he’s been given this spew. It just speaks volumes about the character of both my aunt and my brother. ---
**Author:** ![Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trout_Mask_Replica)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/14 "2000-04-19T19:38:00Z")
This far into a thread about Chick tracts and no one’s posted a link to the [Jack T. Chick Parody Archive](http://home.flash.net/~twinkle/psycho/DARK/chick/) yet? For shame, people! 🙂 * * * **TMR** _If you believed in yourself, and tore enough holes in your pants, there was always a mist-filled alley right around the corner._ ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/15 "2000-04-19T19:43:00Z")
On the one hand, I applaud those who alert others to the hate disguised as help that are Chick Tracts. OTOH, every time someone goes to their website, their visitor count goes up and they think they’re gaining in popularity, which encourages them to create _more_ tracts and maintain their website a while longer… What a vicious circle. (Or is it “cycle?”) Anyway, _don’t_ go to that site any longer, and _don’t_ read any more of their tracts. Boycott, boycott, boycott. It’s the only thing that’ll stop 'em. * * * Sig Alert! ---
**Author:** ![Mergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Mergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mergirl)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/16 "2000-04-19T19:54:00Z")
Jab1, honey. Nothing will stop them. Not even open-minded/liberal/atheist/whatever people boycotting their site. * * * “We must jump up and down and down, and around and around.” - Tori Amos ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/17 "2000-04-19T20:02:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by SqrlCub: > **"When Satan was created, his name was Lucifer…So God kicked him out of heaven and he became Satan." I was pretty sure they were two seperate entities. I always thought of Lucifer as being more like Prometheus (the Greek god who gave man fire) because I believe Lucifer means “Bringer of Light”.** We covered this a few months ago in this thread: “Was the Devil Ever in Hell?” [http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/000749.html](http://boards.straightdope.com/ubb/Forum7/HTML/000749.html) The name “Lucifer” was given by the Romans to the planet Venus when it appeared in the morning. It appeared to them that Venus was dragging the Sun behind it as it arose, “bringing the light,” IOW. (Though I’m not sure how they reconciled this with the other times of the year when Venus is an evening “star.” I think they thought it was a different star altogether, hence its other name.) The ONLY place the name “Lucifer” appears in the Bible is in Isaiah (KJV) and it’s actually a mis-translation of a Latin phrase which, in turn, is a mis-translation of the King of Babylon, Nebukanezzar who was _nicknamed_ “Morning Light” (Or something like that) partly because he wore a lot of gold. And the reference to his falling causeing nations to be weakened just means this king messed up badly (royally!) and his fall caused widespread political turmoil. It’s actually political commentary that’s been re-interpreted as a myth. * * * Sig Alert! ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/18 "2000-04-19T20:49:00Z")
Da Sqrl sez: > [@](#): > > I feel almost as dirty as I did when I first came across the site of Infernal Ultimate Evil that shall not be named. Maybe Dr. Jackson can find it. Not me! My eyes still burn from the last time. Now, Sqrl, I feel that I have to take you to task. I had always thought of you as an open minded kind of guy, but your OP has changed my perspective. Now I know you for the sexist squirrel-pig that you are. Just because you don’t care for women as mating partners doesn’t mean you can trash them at will (or recycle them either, for that matter). I’ll bet if these books were called “Stud Tracts” you wouldn’t be so quick to make fun. Some of us guys find chicks quite attractive. Shoot, some chicks find chicks attractive. I, for one, consider a leaflet extolling the virtues of chicks to be a GOOD thing. As one famous chick said “And another thing”… ## What? Chick tracts are what?!? Oh. In the words of another famous chick “Nevermind!”. After all, what is your hosts’ purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. – P. J. O’Rourke ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2000, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/19 "2000-04-19T22:15:00Z")
OK, everybody join hands and form a circle around SqrlCub so we can perform the Chick Tract Initiation Ritual. (intones, chants even) SqrlCub, do you renounce Jack Chick and all his works? Do you renounce disinformation in all its forms? Do you renounce all badly drawn comic-type books? Do you renounce hate against Catholics, Muslims, practitioners of alternative lifestyles, and Christians who aren’t fundamentalist enough? Do you promise that, whenever handed a Chick Tract, you will do your best to refute the lies contained therein? Do you promise that, as soon as the person who handed you the Chick Tract is out of earshot, you will laugh hysterically and toss the Chick Tract into the nearest garbage can, it’s natural home? In the name of all that is true, or at least factually accurate, I command Jack Chick and all his minions to depart from this Child of Reasonable Intelligence, and banish them to the more unpleasant regions of the universe. And all the posters said- Amen * * * Now in my second month of exile in the 21 pit ---
**Author:** ![Splat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c37758/32.png) [@Splat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Splat)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2000, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323/20 "2000-04-20T01:13:00Z")
For a refreshing alternative to Chick Tracts: [http://www.ffrf.org/nontracts/](http://www.ffrf.org/nontracts/) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-looney-gave-me-my-first-chick-track/16323.md?page=2)