# Some more Odes to Various Forums.... **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [July 22, 2001, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399 "2001-07-22T04:25:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2001, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/1 "2001-07-22T04:25:46Z")
My original idea was to post an ode to each forum _in_ each forum. I started with [An Ode to the Pit](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=78704), which I posted there, though in retrospect it didn’t really belong there. Anyway, as I finished this Ode to Great Debates, I was about to post it there and realized “If I post this to GD, **DavidB or Gaudere** ’ll kill me! This isn’t a GD!” So, the rest of the Odes are going here. (I’m hoping that since the “Origins of the Mods” stuff was here, this is ok too. If not, let me know.) I’m well on my way to doing IMHO. Enjoy! And again, just my impressions of GD, not referencing any specific post or incident. **A Day in GD** I read GD today, oh boy, Saw claims the world was made in seven days And though the board was rather slow Well I just had to know What facts there were to show At most ten thousand years he claimed That men had been around on planet earth And though a bunch of dopers tried They didn’t change his mind All they did is question words he’d redefined I read in GD this, oh boy, Homeopathy is just a scam A couple posters tried to say “No, look it’s really true… it’s a real breakthrough!” I’d love to debate them… (vast crescendo of music/noise, ending with a modem handshake) Logged on, and read some threads Saw a post 'bout giving head!! I looked up top and noticed my mistake I was in eMP-SIMS and not in Great Debates Changed forums, and read a post 'bout some presidential boasts I wrote real quick and checked up on my facts I hit “Submit Reply” and the message, it was sent… I read my post today, oh my ☹ It’s filled with errors, typos, fallacies! And coding errors were glaore. “Preview, goddamnit!” Fenris swore. “I’ve lost their respect on a thread about Millard Filmore!” I’d love to edit my posts… Fenris (with gratitude and respect to Lennon and McCartney, geniuses both) ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2001, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/2 "2001-07-22T04:54:52Z")
Okay. Now it just looks like I stalk you around with rose petals. :: tosses them at him anyway :: ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2001, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/3 "2001-07-22T06:05:29Z")
I am the poster, goo-goo-ga-joob? No. **Fenris** , I am in awe. I’ve done this kind of thing myself in other Internet fora, but I’m not nearly as prolific. A nod of the hat to you, but watch out–if my creative juices kick in, I’ll give you a run for your money. In the interim, I’ll just enjoy. Thanks for posting your songs! I do like them, even if I wish I had thought of them first! ---
**Author:** ![Erika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/47e85d/32.png) [@Erika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erika)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2001, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/4 "2001-07-22T07:33:28Z")
::sits back, in awe and admiration:: ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2001, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/5 "2001-07-23T10:12:54Z")
**Fenris** , old bean, you have inspired me once again… \*\*Straight Dope Newbie \*\* (to the tune of “Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheatus) My life is a pain I’m just so dull and square But I’ve got **Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share** It’s stuck in my head I hope it gets read But nobody knows who I am And nobody gives a damn about me Cause I’m just a Straight Dope newbie, baby Yeah I’m just a Straight Dope newbie, baby Hoping to read a mention, baby, of me That guy’s really hip He’s got several thousand posts While I’ve nearly zip I’ll never get even close He gets all the flirts While I feel like dirt Cause nobody knows who I am And nobody gives a damn about me Cause I’m just a Straight Dope newbie, baby Yeah I’m just a Straight Dope newbie, baby Hoping to read a mention, baby, of me Straight Dope newbie, no they don’t know what they’re missin’ Straight Dope newbie, no they don’t know what they’re missin’ I don’t know why Mine is a thread they’d choose But there’s a reply As well as 800 views I thought my thread By now would be dead How do they know who I am And why do they give a damn about me? It says _Hey listen, your words just went right through me; I had the same thing happen to me. I’m just another Straight Dope newbie like you._ Straight Dope newbie, no they don’t know what they’re missin’ Straight Dope newbie, no they don’t know what they’re missin’ ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2001, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/6 "2001-07-23T15:17:11Z")
(to the tune of “Think” by Aretha Franklin) \*(Chorus) \* Say what you think (THINK!) Tell us what you feel, not what you know Say what you think (THINK THINK) And post it on **I-M-H-O**. Let’s find out, let’s find out exactly what other Dopers think Who’s your favorite movie star, and what beer you like to drink Here’s the place to have your say, to tell us what you like to do TV shows you always watch, and cartoons that you would screw Say what you think (THINK!) Tell us what you feel, not what you know Say what you think (THINK THINK) And post it on **I-M-H-O**. **In My** (In My) **In My** (In My) **Humble** (Humble) **Opinion**! There ain’t nothing you can’t ask; you can ask it, never fear And if you post it somewhere else, you know the Mods will move it here People postin’ 'round everyday, giving views on bad and good Tryin to make other people change their minds, though it’s unlikely you ever would \*(Chorus) \* You ask me and I’ll ask you It’s not like we’ve got anything better we could do :rolleyes: _(vamp)_ **In My** (In My) **In My** (In My) **Humble** (Humble) **Opinion**!.. ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2001, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/7 "2001-07-23T16:54:14Z")
[plug] Geez, I hardly got any views with my [Ode](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=67786). [/plug] 'Course, mine pretty much sucked. But still… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2001, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/8 "2001-07-24T08:27:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Borborygmi \* > \*\*[plug] > Geez, I hardly got any views with my [Ode](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=67786). > [/plug] > > 'Course, mine pretty much sucked. But still… \*\* Join the club. It sucks not to be **Fenris** … \ And FWIW, I quite liked your piece, **Borb**. [sub]I _told_ them nobody reads this forum…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Fenris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fenris/32/498_2.png) [@Fenris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fenris)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2001, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/9 "2001-07-24T16:12:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jr8 \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Borborygmi \* > > **[plug] > > Geez, I hardly got any views** > > \*\* > > Join the club. It sucks not to be **Fenris** … \ > > And FWIW, I quite liked your piece, **Borb**. > > [sub]I _told_ them nobody reads this forum…[/sub] \*\* A) People DO read this forum. Lookit the “Secret Origins of the Mods” thread. B) **Borb** , I liked your Ode too. C) **jr8** , here’s another on the same theme as yours (IMHO) To the tune of : The 59[sup]th[/sup] Street Bridge Song (Feelin’ Groovy) Which tv show is the best? Go and take this political test What’s the best inn to be a guest? Takin’ polls in I-M-H-O Whatcha got on your backdrop? What’s the best fable by Aesop? Ever worked in a sweatshop? Takin’ polls in I-M-H-O I got no facts to cite No drum I must beat I just wanna know “What’s your favorite treat?” Let big issues go over into Great Debates Takin’ polls in I-M-H-O Best Guitarist (live or dead)? Computer Game Appreciation thread Simpson, Homer vs Flanders, Ned Takin’ polls in I-M-H-O Fenris ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2001, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/10 "2001-07-25T23:16:15Z")
I gotta say it, **jr8** : the Teenage Dirtbag cover cracked me up bigtime! 😃 Of course, Fenris’ Odes are up to his usual quality standards, which range from “Downright Hilarious” to “Friggin’ Awesome”. ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2001, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/11 "2001-07-26T12:15:15Z")
[sub][sup]Fenris and jr8, thanks! I really should have complimented your fine pieces instead of going with the passive-aggressive plug.[/sub][/sup] I sit in particular awe of **Fenris** ’ IMHO and **jr8** ’s MPSIMS (and that’s even without benefit of knowing the Wheatus tune). It does indeed suck not to be Fenris. But then, I first knew that from his thoughtful thread about Bubblegum music, and I’m sure I should have noticed much earlier. ::eagerly awaits either’s Ode to About This Message Board:: ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2001, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/12 "2001-07-26T15:59:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Borborygmi \* > I sit in particular awe of **Fenris** ’ IMHO and **jr8** ’s MPSIMS (and that’s even without benefit of knowing the Wheatus tune). You mean there’s somewhere in the world they don’t blare it constantly? Where are you posting from – Kabul? Next thing, you’ll tell me you’ve never heard Cher’s “Believe”… > [@](#): > > ::eagerly awaits either’s Ode to About This Message Board:: Oh jeez…I’ll give it some thought. In the meantime, here’s my take on **Comments on Cecil’s Columns** : I Wanna Be Like You (tune from _The Jungle Book_ film) Oh, he’s the man who knows everything, The information guy; From high and low, They want to know And Cecil tells ‘em all why. Just see his latest column, Read what the master said; There’s no Straight Dope Beyond his scope (Although he’s actually **Ed** ). Oh, Cecil, dude, I wanna be like you-oo-oo. I wanna write like you, Cite like you, too. I know it’s true A chump like me Can learn to be brilliant too. Some **Comments on Cecil’s Columns** : I’ve read his latest piece – If I pick nits I’ll score some hits And one-up Unca Cece! Who cares if it’s pedantic And somewhat off the mark? If I can’t be A V.I.P., At least I’ll hear myself bark! Ooh! I wanna have your IQ. I wanna be bright like you, Right like you, too. You’ll see it’s true A schmuck like me Can’t hope to be Like someone like you! ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/13 "2001-07-27T11:12:07Z")
**jr8** and **Fenris** , you’re both amazing. :: Fran wanders off humming “oooooh, I wanna be like yooouuuu” :: ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/14 "2001-07-27T12:52:09Z")
Here’s an unofficial “Ode to Comments on Staff Reports” which I’ll post here to last us until the good stuff arrives from **Fenris** or **jr8**. To the tune of The Mayor Of Simpleton. Apologies to Andy Partridge and XTC. Hell, apologies to everybody. Comments on Staff Reports Never been mentioned in a Midwest weekly Never had Cecil write a column for me And some other forums have a lot more to see But that’s nothing that I care about Well, G.D. is for matters of the highest import And Google’s the answer for G.Q.'s of all sorts And this may be _Comments on Staff Reports_ But it has one thing and that’s low volume When “All Your Base…” seems Mundane and Pointless threads run their course You can read all the posts in _Comments on Staff Reports_ Tell **Dave** the moon landing was all just a crock (Please link when posting to _Comments on Staff Reports_) Explain that you learned this from a special on Fox (Please think when posting to _Comments on Staff Reports_) And it’s all been confirmed now by Jerry Orbach As foretold in the Bible Code, see? Well, in A.T.M.B. you can test-post for sport And your rants in the Pit just might land you in court And this may be _Comments on Staff Reports_ But it has one thing and that’s low volume I’m not sure why it changed from Mailbag Answers It just transformed one day I don’t know how the Staff does all its research And just who is this **Son of Dex** anyway? (And anyway…) Do you want to list your favorite Three Stooges shorts? Well, I.M.H.O. will provide a safe port And this may be _Comments on Staff Reports_ But it has one thing and that’s low volume (low volume) **Dex** needs to know your pizza theory (Please link when posting to _Comments on Staff Reports_) Educate **Veg** in homeopathy (Please think when posting to _Comments on Staff Reports_) Tell **Chronos** about Planet Donut’s gravity Based on your last visit there So you want to hit the Master with a clever retort _Comments on Cecil’s Columns_ is the place you should start But this is still _Comments on Staff Reports_ And it has one thing and that’s low volume When you’ve flamed in the Pit 'til your fingers got hoarse You can read all the posts in _Comments on Staff Reports_ You can read all the posts in _Comments on Staff Reports_ You can read all the posts… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2001, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/15 "2001-07-27T13:01:49Z")
Blimey. Y’know, I was _convinced_ that **Comments on Staff Reports** was going to be nigh impossible to do, and you’ve cracked it wide open. Very well done indeed. Now if only I could remember more than just the chorus of _The Mayor of Simpleton_. Still **ATMB** and **GQ** left unheralded… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2001, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/16 "2001-07-30T10:35:55Z")
Not quite up to the sterling standards of above, but good for a laugh… **The TubaDiva Song** (to the tune of “I’m a Believer” by The Monkees) I used to think I’d never find my way around I’d have to muddle through the best I could What’s the rule on flaming? (doo doo doo doo) What are vB codes? (doo doo doo doo) Where’s the place to post some comic odes? Then I found the place Run by **TubaDiva** A wondrous space With plenty to find All the stuff (ooooo) I can retrieve here I couldn’t leave here if I tried. She runs a forum called **About This Message Board** For questions and concerns and practice posts There’s no controversies (doo doo doo doo) Diatribes or rants (doo doo doo doo) No one’s trying to get in someone’s pants And no “All your base” – It’s just **TubaDiva** The Admin ace Who’s helpful and kind Fair but tough; (ooooo) you can believe her She won’t deceive ya, it’s all right… ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2001, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/17 "2001-07-30T15:01:53Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **jr8** _ > Not quite up to the sterling standards of above, but good for a laugh… Hey, don’t sell yourself short! Great stuff as always. And, belated extra appreciation for the “(Although he’s actually **Ed** )” and “At least I’ll hear myself bark!” lines in the Cecil’s Columns tune – classics. Anyone who has read this far down the thread but skipped **Fenris** ’ (remember Fenris?) first [link](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=78704) should check it out for his Ode to the Pit, with bonus tunes by **jr8** and **Derleth**. _General Questions_ still ripe for the plucking… ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/18 "2001-08-06T12:04:39Z")
I needed closure! (Although I’m still hopeful that **Fenris** will be back with additional Odes.) Here’s one for **General Questions** , to Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London.” **General Questions** I saw a newbie with an offbeat question on his mind Scrolling through Google searches in vain He was looking for a site called The Straight Dope Gonna get a big dose of Cecil’s disdain _Ah-ooooo, **General Questions** Ah-ooooooooo Ah-ooooo, **General Questions** Ah-ooooooooo_ You’re getting ready to pound on your keyboard Better search before you begin That subject was covered just last month **General Questions** again _Ah-ooooo, **General Questions** Ah-ooooooooo Ah-ooooo, **General Questions** Ah-ooooooooo_ It’s a Mundane Pointless thread, better somewhere else instead Lately it’s been moved to Stuff I Must Share You better be typo-free, this is forum ID 3 Ha, I’d like to read his profile _Ah-ooooo, **General Questions** Ah-ooooooooo Ah-ooooo, **General Questions** Ah-ooooooooo_ Well, I saw Ed Zotti walking with Unca Cece Doing the **General Questions** I saw Slug Signorino walking with Unca Cece Doing the **General Questions** I saw a thread fall off the first page of GQ in 6 hours Its vB code was perfect Heh! _Ah-ooooo, **General Questions** Ah-ooooooooo Ah-ooooo, **General Questions** Ah-ooooooooo_ New thread ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/19 "2001-08-06T12:26:20Z")
Thanks, **Borb** ; I needed closure too. Unfortunately my muse went on vacation about halfway through my version of Robbie Williams’s “Angels”: > [@](#): > > I sit awake > Can the Millions teach me ‘bout my brakes? > And do they know > If bleach will clean my clothes > If the water’s cold? > For I have been told > Ancient pasta was quite hard to hold. > So when I’m lying in my bed > With questions in my head > And it’s not worth asking **Ed** > I’ll post in **GQ** instead. Of course, if anyone feels left out, they could always do themes for **Threadspotting** , **Weird Earl’s** and **teemings** … [sub]And the first person to post “teemings…nothing more than teemings…” is going to get _such_ a pinch…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2001, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399/20 "2001-08-06T16:17:32Z")
Well, damn. What can I say except that I’m flattered . . . and really really impressed by the high level of creativity expressed in this thread. It’s all the more amazing considering that this is not normally a forum where creativity gets you bonus points. Drinks are on the house! your humble TubaDiva getting a ladder to climb to the roof [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-more-odes-to-various-forums/73399.md?page=2)