# Some of the things I've learned watching Seinfeld **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 3, 2017, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721 "2017-08-03T22:17:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/1 "2017-08-03T22:17:14Z")
I was a latecomer to the show, but I’m sure I’ve seen more than half of the episodes. In no particular order: 1. JFK liked to play golf. (What, with that bad back? Ouch!) 2. A Titleist can suffocate a whale. 3. You can actually get off on \*\*\*Glamour \*\*\*magazine. 4. Women indulge in self-gratification just as much as men do. 5. A mannequin can give you a stiffie. 6. Women who wear bras without a blouse in public are hot. 7. There are lots of women’s names that sound like part of the female anatomy. 8. Corrolary to 7: A “mulva” is a flowering plant. (I stumbled across this on the Internet just the other day.) 9. Old people who move to Florida never turn on their air conditioners. 10. A loaf of marble rye makes a great “Thank you for having us!” gift. 11. A label maker is a lousy gift on any occasion. 12. You can get more for empty pop bottles in Michigan than you can in New York State. 13. Virgins are very uptight about sex. (No kidding!) 14. Licking envelopes can be hazardous to your health. 15. Junior Mints have medicinal value. 16. The US Post Office will eat the cost of anything they have to replace that was broken in the mail. 17. Some people keep bicycles in their apartment purely for decoration. 18. Some people who live in New York City have multiple locks on their doors but never use them. 19. Letting your girlfriend see you naked after a swim is a good way to destroy her image of you. 20. Poaching lobsters is a serious offense. Anything else? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/2 "2017-08-03T22:37:05Z")
You are no comedian. real is spectacular ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/3 "2017-08-03T22:45:00Z")
There’s nothing wrong with that. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/4 "2017-08-03T23:21:20Z")
If someone says “Don’t worry, I’ll remember where we parked!” they won’t. Wedding cake is still edible after 60 years. Eating dessicants will make you very, very ill. Parking in a Handicapped space without a permit is a good way to incite a mob. If you have sex in your parents’ bed, don’t leave a condom wrapper behind. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/5 "2017-08-03T23:22:45Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > There’s nothing wrong with that. … If that’s what you are. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/6 "2017-08-03T23:29:23Z")
A Kenny Rogers’ Roasters sign will screw up your rods and cones, ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/7 "2017-08-03T23:30:59Z")
Feeding a can of chili to a horse will give it evil flatulence. ---
**Author:** ![Maserschmidt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/maserschmidt/32/18829_2.png) [@Maserschmidt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maserschmidt)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/8 "2017-08-03T23:34:35Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > There’s nothing wrong with that. > [@terentii](#): > > … If that’s what you are. 😉 “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/9 "2017-08-03T23:34:54Z")
If you hold it in too long you could get Uromysitisis poisoning and die. ---
**Author:** ![Trancephalic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trancephalic/32/380_2.png) [@Trancephalic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trancephalic)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/10 "2017-08-03T23:39:14Z")
> [@snowthx](#): > > Feeding a can of chili to a horse will give it evil flatulence. Beefaroni. and, erm, ah… look to the cookie? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2017, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/11 "2017-08-03T23:50:20Z")
Nothing is angrier than an old man trying to send a bowl of soup back in a deli. ---
**Author:** ![Sherrerd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sherrerd/32/8_2.png) [@Sherrerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sherrerd)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2017, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/12 "2017-08-04T00:01:39Z")
Mangoes are a super-food. Soup can be worth completely trashing your dignity and self-respect. But, soup is not a meal. (Hey, it’s dinner time!) ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2017, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/13 "2017-08-04T00:06:28Z")
Dingos eat babies. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2017, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/14 "2017-08-04T01:08:41Z")
Jimmy holds grudges it’s a long journey from Milan to Minsk ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2017, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/15 "2017-08-04T01:24:07Z")
> [@G0sp3l](#): > > it’s a long journey from Milan to Minsk Europorn is good material for a musical. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2017, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/16 "2017-08-04T01:26:24Z")
It’s not a lie if _you_ believe it. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2017, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/17 "2017-08-04T01:28:58Z")
I’ve learned who The Assman is/was. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2017, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/18 "2017-08-04T01:37:40Z")
I learned about the Moops who invaded Spain in the 8th century. ---
**Author:** ![Trancephalic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trancephalic/32/380_2.png) [@Trancephalic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trancephalic)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2017, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/19 "2017-08-04T01:45:19Z")
They’re real and they’re _spectacular_ ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2017, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/20 "2017-08-04T02:41:20Z")
Joel Rimkin is a murder’s name–best change it to O.J. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721.md?page=2)