# Some of the things I've learned watching Seinfeld **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 3, 2017, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721 "2017-08-03T22:17:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2017, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/121 "2017-08-09T14:18:59Z")
Listening to Mary Hart causes convulsions in doofus hipsters. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2017, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/122 "2017-08-09T23:21:19Z")
There’s a soup called Mulligatawny. Most geniuses are disciplined, eccentric, and misunderstood. It’s a great life when you can do nothing, fall ass-backwards into money, mooch food off your neighbors, and have sex without dating. Some women like men who are dark, mysterious, and disturbed. Others like men who are short, bald, and quirky. It’s perfectly okay for a hot woman to approach a strange man and touch his garment. If a man does this to a strange woman, he’s a **creep**! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2017, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/123 "2017-08-10T00:02:57Z")
Abstaining from sex makes men geniuses. Abstaining from sex makes women dumber than dirt. ---
**Author:** ![Gaga75](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8797f3/32.png) [@Gaga75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gaga75)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/124 "2017-08-11T02:03:52Z")
Twix is the only candy bar with a cookie crunch ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/125 "2017-08-11T02:23:47Z")
Talkers come in at least three varieties: High, Low, and Close. When old people die, you can make a fortune selling their clothes as vintage garments. Trench coats without belts do not sell. At least, not until they become vintage garments. If you miss a lesbian wedding, you can always catch the bris!\* Breath freshener is an acceptable substitute for pepper spray. \*I know, I know… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/126 "2017-08-11T02:46:42Z")
“Yadda yadda” can mean just about anything. ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/127 "2017-08-11T10:59:42Z")
It’s not a pizza until it comes out of the oven. ---
**Author:** ![Moonchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@Moonchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonchild)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/128 "2017-08-11T18:52:25Z")
A golf ball is roughly the same size as a whale’s blow hole. Chocolate babka is much better than cinnamon babka. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/129 "2017-08-11T19:31:00Z")
You can’t show up at someone’s house with Ring Dings and Pepsi. If people would only look to the (black and white) cookie. All our problems would be solved. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/130 "2017-08-11T20:13:38Z")
Chemical Bank burned down. Drake’s coffee cake costs more than 50 cents Leonard Burnstein’s friends call him Maestro. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2017, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/131 "2017-08-11T21:46:04Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Falling butt-first onto a fusilli sculpture is painful. Proctologists tell the best stories… ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2017, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/132 "2017-08-19T20:26:51Z")
If the van’s a-rockin’, don’t come knockin’! ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/133 "2017-08-20T17:47:13Z")
Jackie O had grace. In upstate New York you can apparently drive for \*miles \*off the road and be fine until you turn your head and then pow, you’re in a swimming pool. ---
**Author:** ![Tinker\_Grey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tinker_grey/32/8136_2.png) [@Tinker\_Grey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tinker_Grey)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/134 "2017-08-20T19:55:00Z")
Serenity now; insanity later. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2017, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/135 "2017-08-20T20:05:59Z")
Eating Hampden tomatoes is just like eating apples. Unfortunately, tomatoes as hand fruits never caught on. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![spjork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@spjork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spjork)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/136 "2017-08-22T19:21:24Z")
Never buy a used car from Jon Voight. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2017, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/137 "2017-08-22T22:22:00Z")
Frozen yogurt cannot ever be fat free. ---
**Author:** ![JHBoom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/13edae/32.png) [@JHBoom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JHBoom)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2017, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/138 "2017-08-23T02:44:04Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > Falling butt-first onto a fusilli sculpture is painful. Thankfully, it’s a million-to-one shot. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/139 "2017-09-15T00:18:42Z")
If you’re going to take your shirt off to take a dump, make sure you put it back on when you’re finished. ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2017, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/140 "2017-09-15T07:41:16Z")
> [@spjork](#): > > Never buy a used car from Jon Voight. Or from John Voight, the periodontist. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721.md?page=8)