# Some of the things I've learned watching Seinfeld **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 3, 2017, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721 "2017-08-03T22:17:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2017, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/141 "2017-09-19T11:38:17Z")
Joe DiMaggio was a dunker. Eating a candy bar with a knife and fork in a cafe is a good way to start a trend. A woman cannot date a man if she has no respect for his work. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2017, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/142 "2017-09-19T14:40:17Z")
Slice your meats extra thin because that way the taste has nowhere to hide. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2017, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/143 "2017-09-21T23:19:22Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > 1. You can get more for empty pop bottles in Michigan than you can in New York State. > 2. Poaching lobsters is a serious offense. > > Anything else? :dubious: !2 is also a serious offense unless the bottles (or cans!) actually originated in MI. Many stores put up warning signs in the bottle return section after the Seinfeld episode aired. ---
**Author:** ![JHBoom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/13edae/32.png) [@JHBoom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JHBoom)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2017, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/144 "2017-09-22T15:33:42Z")
> [@Greathouse](#): > > Slice your meats extra thin because that way the taste has nowhere to hide. Transports you to Flavor Country, too. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2017, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/145 "2017-12-25T14:26:25Z")
A sidler can sidle you out of a job. Men who are fixated on lactating breasts eat a lot of cheese. Hospitals bolt down their television sets. _ **The English Patient** _ was filmed in Tunisia. Crepes are harder to roll properly than cigars. ---
**Author:** ![ControlsGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e495f1/32.png) [@ControlsGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ControlsGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 25, 2017, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/146 "2017-12-25T22:53:17Z")
Statue of limitations? It’s Statute of limitations. Deloris. Don’t let Poppy sit on the couch. Or make pizza. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2018, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/147 "2018-03-07T05:35:31Z")
Not being master of your own domain can ruin your chances of ever becoming a hand model. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2018, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/148 "2018-03-07T12:58:10Z")
Living the dream includes eating a block of cheese the size of a car battery. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2018, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/149 "2018-03-11T06:32:12Z")
> [@DrCube](#): > > Before becoming a goofy family man with a low-paying desk job, and then a serious teacher-turned-drug-lord, Walter White was a dentist in NYC. And before she moved in with gay best friend, Grace Adler got her head shaved by her date at a wedding for making anti-semitic and racist comments. (He was OK with her being an anti-dentite though.) ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2018, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/150 "2018-03-11T13:35:17Z")
Nowadays, you can actually end up in prison by not doing anything. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2018, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/151 "2018-03-14T20:04:13Z")
Cheap invitations are dangerous, but so are expensive ones. ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2018, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/152 "2018-03-19T01:07:18Z")
Chinese people can’t tell the difference between Costanza and CARTWRIGHT! ---
**Author:** ![Shoeless](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shoeless/32/7099_2.png) [@Shoeless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shoeless)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2018, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/153 "2018-03-19T01:14:13Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > It’s not a pizza until it comes out of the oven. (_sigh_ – OK, if no one else is gonna take the bait, I guess I’ll have to do this one myself…) It’s a pizza as soon as you punch the dough! ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2018, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/154 "2018-03-19T02:03:28Z")
> [@Shoeless](#): > > It’s a pizza as soon as you punch the dough! Please tell me I’m not the only one who didn’t get the metaphor until the show was well into syndication and I had seen the episode several times… ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2018, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/155 "2018-03-19T02:12:10Z")
Being an assistant to the traveling secretary is a pretty sweet gig. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2018, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/156 "2018-03-19T02:53:19Z")
Delores rhymes with, erm. . .you know. If you say the word “fiancee” more than three times at a party, everyone in the room will hate you. It’s possible to hate men without being a lesbian. Never put a steam room into a small apartment without proper ventilation. Rich old men eat snicker bars with a knife and fork; and are very, very choosy about their socks. ---
**Author:** ![McDeath\_the\_Mad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a3d4f5/32.png) [@McDeath\_the\_Mad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/McDeath_the_Mad)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2018, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/157 "2018-03-19T21:45:28Z")
- Don’t argue about washed pares in front of a college reporter. - It pronounced Car-ott-tee Jerry! - Jerk store called… - Don’t miss the Early Bird Special - Don’t cheap out on your tip calculator - Little Jerry is a great Cock Fighter - If you’re going to pirate a movie still in the theater, you need multiple cameras - There seems to be a decent market for importing and exporting - Don’t mix up your AM/PM while setting an alarm before a marathon - Don’t take muscle relaxers (after sleeping on a fold out couch) before going to a party. - Don’t take books from a book store into the washroom - The roommate swap _is_ possible - Bagel shops in New York are unionized - Lloyd Braun is crazy (and likes the sound of dinging bells) - Always have a bottle of scotch in your bottom cupboard - Don’t use butter as a moisturizer - Don’t use pizza ovens to warm your pants - Don’t stash mutton stuffed napkins in your coat pocket - First class is so much nicer than coach - Don’t bother buying your parents a new Cadillac - Squirrels sometimes aren’t that fast It feels like I could go on for hours! ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2018, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/158 "2018-03-19T22:23:35Z")
It’s not a lie if you believe it. Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. Just take a peek. The Hindi version of the name Jerry is Jagdish. (Citation needed.) ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/159 "2018-03-20T01:05:03Z")
> [@McDeath\_the\_Mad](#): > > - Don’t argue about washed pares in front of a college reporter. Or pears, for that matter. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![chulio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e5b9ba/32.png) [@chulio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chulio)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2018, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721/160 "2018-03-20T04:31:14Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > It’s all pipes. It will still get you kicked out of the health club [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-of-the-things-ive-learned-watching-seinfeld/792721.md?page=9)