# "Some people are looking for reasons to be offended" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 5, 2017, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415 "2017-01-05T20:24:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sigene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@Sigene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigene)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/21 "2017-01-06T04:21:17Z")
now is as good a time as any. I’ve realized that often people claim to be offended and become offended only after they’ve been told they should be. An item or behavior is irrelevant or unoffensive to them until they are told that they should take offense. Being offended, in these cases, is more due to a force of society telling them they are being offended rather than the person actually doing the behavior. In these cases, being offended follows follows this culturally viral pattern ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/22 "2017-01-06T05:04:22Z")
Ironically, many of those who complain about “political correctness gone mad” actually belong to the set of people trying to find something to be offended by. Reality apparently doesn’t serve up enough situations that ping this particular annoyance sensor, so “news” outlets must make up, or greatly exaggerate, such stories. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/23 "2017-01-06T05:10:35Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Being offended is often a good way to put other people on the defensive, because it presumes other people have to prove that you aren’t, or shouldn’t be, offended, and that can’t be done. And accusing other people of looking for reasons to be offended does exactly this as well. It cuts both ways. > [@monstro](#): > > I think people are stupid about what “offense” really means. > > I have a coworker who has a sense of humor that borders on the edge of inappropriate. Sometimes he manages to make me laugh, but most time his antics are just tiring. But he assumes that just because I’m not generous enough to do a fake-laugh for his sake, I must be OMG OFFENDED. Are the only feelings out there “happy” and “OMG OFFENDED!”? Or is it possible that something can be just “meh” or mildly irritating? I’d love it if people could stop equating every negative reaction to offense. I don’t know if they are stupid about it but rather simply using phrase to put people of the defensive as to why they shouldn’t object. Just another version of “What, can’t you take a joke?” I see it here in the Dope where a lot of tired jokes about women stereotypes are thrown into completely irrelevant treads. Maybe it’s a reaction by some socially conservative types who prefer to maintain the older order where constant putdowns of women and minorities was acceptable. ---
**Author:** ![drewder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/57b2e6/32.png) [@drewder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewder)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/24 "2017-01-06T05:57:53Z")
There is a whole industry that is built on taking offense for things. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/25 "2017-01-06T06:31:11Z")
What I see is some kind of misguided over-sensitivity to the issue-of-the-week that’s currently in the zeitgeist. They’ll be aware of the important things that we’re all concerned about, find a situation that has two or three elements in common with that issue, and jump to conclusions about it. For example, they are aware that misogyny is a big problem in the world today, encounter a situation where a man is arguing with a woman, and assume that this makes it a misogyny issue, when it may just be two people having a stupid argument. And when they won’t back down from their assumptions, digging in deeper instead, you can’t change their minds. It dilutes real misogyny problems that need addressing, and contributes to many people now being unable to recognise true misogynist attitudes when they see them, as they now think that of every little spat they hear between a man and woman. Or it might be race, or other kinds of prejudice issues, or some kind of workplace power differential, or whatever. These days I try not to contribute to those arguments without a fairly good idea that I know what I’m talking about. I’ve learned to take a step back and try to look at every incident a bit more objectively if I can. I don’t always succeed, and I’m not always going to be right even then, but I do try. ---
**Author:** ![Teach-me-not](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a4c791/32.png) [@Teach-me-not](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teach-me-not)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/26 "2017-01-06T06:39:49Z")
> [@Sigene](#): > > now is as good a time as any. I’ve realized that often people claim to be offended and become offended only after they’ve been told they should be. An item or behavior is irrelevant or unoffensive to them until they are told that they should take offense. Being offended, in these cases, is more due to a force of society telling them they are being offended rather than the person actually doing the behavior. > > In these cases, being offended follows follows this culturally viral pattern Which is exactly what we should expect. What is acceptable behaviour and what is not is learned behavior, after all. Fifty years ago, it might have been acceptable to think women belong in the kitchen, but not today. Moreover, many a times, we are blind to our own offensive behaviour, until someone else points it out to us. Sent from my Nexus 5X using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![john\_b\_2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9a28c/32.png) [@john\_b\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/john_b_2)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/27 "2017-01-06T09:23:47Z")
> [@leahcim](#): > > I term I was recently introduced to is “[virtual signalling](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtue_signalling)”, where people go out of their way to show off how they share the viewpoints of the group. “Seeking offence” is basically “seeking an opportunity to virtue signal”. > > Of course, among some groups saying “some people are going out of way to be offended” and decrying political correctness is just virtue signalling of a different sort. Good response. I like it. Group politicking is or can be a factor in the offense business, and I think this can be the case even when many of the other group members are not present. Group as club, in other words: “I’m a member. You’re not”. ☹ John b. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/28 "2017-01-06T09:32:13Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > **Saintly Loser’s** already given us a left wing offenderati example. For a right-wing one … How about the yearly outpouring of anger by people offended by _other_ people using “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”? ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/29 "2017-01-06T11:01:09Z")
> [@Gary\_T](#): > > For clarity I will point out that this is called **virtue** signalling, not _ **virtual** _ signalling. Even though I was writing from a desktop, nevertheless I blame autocorrect. 🙂 (At least the autocorrect that is built into my muscle memory from years of C++ programming). ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/30 "2017-01-06T11:12:41Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > How about the yearly outpouring of anger by people offended by _other_ people using “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”? I haven’t personally encountered it in my neck of the woods, but by all means add it to the list ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/31 "2017-01-06T11:16:13Z")
> [@Aspidistra](#): > > **Saintly Loser’s** already given us a left wing offenderati example. For a right-wing one … Here’s another: people getting all upset that Obama signed an executive order banning the pledge of allegiance from schools. Not only does said order not exist **and** it’s been a rumor before that nothing came of, what earthly difference does it make to people who don’t have school-age children?? My dad was all upset about that until I proved to him that it wasn’t true, and my younger brother graduated from high school in 2001. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/32 "2017-01-06T11:18:04Z")
Being offended at making a cake for a gay couple surely counts! I mean, I understand being offended by gays, or gay marriage, if that’s your politics. But to single out this couple, when there are surely others who offend your sensibilities, at every turn, in your grocery line, at your employment, at your school etc, seems incredibly selective, to me. I don’t know. I guess I view conservative Christians taking offence at how other people sin (because it’s different, better/worse than how they sin?), as kind of the ultimate ‘looking to be offended’. Mostly because as devout as they claim to be, as sacred as they hold their beliefs, they choose to ignore Christian teachings on not judging others and stay focussed on their OWN sinS, and leave God to deal with the others. Seems like purposely going out of your way to be offended. Also agree with the whole Happy Holidays thing being manufactured offence! ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/33 "2017-01-06T12:41:46Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > How about the yearly outpouring of anger by people offended by _other_ people using “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”? Ahhhh, the carpet bomb in the war on xmas. ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/34 "2017-01-06T12:49:30Z")
> [@Maurie](#): > > I see this sentiment thrown about regularly, both here and IRL. It seems to be said anytime a question of whether something might be offensive is brought up about something that the speaker personally does not find offensive. I’m kind of baffled by the assumption and am wondering whether people who say this phrase actually believe it to be true? The offenderati? Yes, they’re out there and they’re active. And they’re of all persuasions. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/35 "2017-01-06T13:19:37Z")
Obviously when you express even momentary disgust at people taking offense over some incredibly picayune nonsense, you automatically become a member of the offenderati. You can’t win, so you might as well just cultivate your garden. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/36 "2017-01-06T14:17:03Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Here’s another: people getting all upset that Obama signed an executive order banning the pledge of allegiance from schools. Not only does said order not exist **and** it’s been a rumor before that nothing came of, what earthly difference does it make to people who don’t have school-age children?? My dad was all upset about that until I proved to him that it wasn’t true, and my younger brother graduated from high school in 2001. :dubious: Actually, I don’t have a problem with people who don’t have kids in school being interested in what’s going on in the schools. And I say this as a parent of 3 school age kids. My kids will be productive members of society in not too many years, so everyone has an interest in how they’re educated. Sure the Pledge thing is ridiculous, but if for example standards were going to be changed to remove any mention of evolution in science class and replace it with intelligent design, I’d expect and hope that everyone got involved in that, not just parents of schoolchildren. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/37 "2017-01-06T14:22:06Z")
Yes, some people can make you feel bad about doing anything. There is one firm rule in my store: Only people who work there are allowed behind the register. I routinely have to tell children to get out from behind the register. One child was pushing the keys on a register that had money in it. I told him to stop doing that and get out from behind the register. The mother took offense and complained about my disciplining her child. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/38 "2017-01-06T14:50:03Z")
> [@leahcim](#): > > I term I was recently introduced to is “[virtual signalling](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virtue_signalling)”, where people go out of their way to show off how they share the viewpoints of the group. “Seeking offence” is basically “seeking an opportunity to virtue signal”. > > Of course, among some groups saying “some people are going out of way to be offended” and decrying political correctness is just virtue signalling of a different sort. That’s a better way of saying what I was going to, which is that there are a lot of people out there who are being offended as a way of showing that they adhere to the same values as others / giving themselves ‘street cred’ in their group. So if you’re a 20-something, you’re probably busy showing others how offended you are about police brutality, economic inequality, etc… while if you’re a 50-60 something white man in middle America, you’re probably largely offended about climate change denial, foreign trade deals, gayness, perceived anti-Christian actions, etc… Two things in particular do stand out as being pretty overboard, and that’s mostly because they’ve defined things in such a way that not being totally on board and pro their side means that you’re against it and causing offense. These two groups are the pro-political correctness crowd and the Christian crowd. Both seem to have this “If you’re not totally on board with us, you’re against us” attitude. An example would be the “Happy Holidays”/“Merry Christmas” stuff; they’re basically saying that anything concerning that stretch from about Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day is not explicitly about Christmas, then it’s anti-Christian. Which isn’t the case- in reality “Happy Holidays” is kind of a shorthand for saying “Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, God Jul, or whatever else you celebrate at this time of year.” It’s not some sort of deliberate snub to de-emphasize Christmas, but that’s how that crowd has defined it. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/39 "2017-01-06T14:57:25Z")
I think it may have a lot more to do with “some people are looking for any reason _to put their two cents in_,” more so than taking any actual offense, and it’s just easier to be judgmental rather than constructive and/or positive. . ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [January 6, 2017, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415/40 "2017-01-06T15:05:55Z")
IMHO, it’s a broader phenomenon than people are describing here. The issue is that some people feel in general that they (or sometimes others, in ideological cases) have been mistreated or are being mistreated on an ongoing basis. But they sometimes lack anything specific that they can point to and focus their resentment on. So when something does come up that seems to offer them this potential they seize on it eagerly. So it’s not (just) that they enjoy feeling sorry for themselves or having others feel sorry for them. It’s (also) that they already do feel sorry for themselves, and interpreting a particular incident as an offense against themselves makes it easier for them to do so. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-people-are-looking-for-reasons-to-be-offended/776415.md?page=3)