# Some Problems At School **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 23, 2011, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578 "2011-10-23T22:35:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/21 "2011-10-24T13:30:10Z")
I’m willing to bet the ranch, your teacher said more to you than you’re telling us. No teacher threatens to call parents over something so ill defined as you’ve posted. There is more to this, but you like cryptic. Fine. As you don’t want to tell us sufficient information to actually comment, I’m going to guess that, yes, you are actually quite a creeper. The way you post on this board speaks volumes about who you really are, politics aside. You dance around what you want to say, you post loaded questions, ill defined polls, often don’t respond when questioned on your posted nonsense, etc, etc. Yeah, it’s pretty easy to go with creeper. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/22 "2011-10-24T16:23:20Z")
The OP is telling us almost nothing here, but… > [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > Well I did go up to them really close a few times (mostly as a joke) Don’t do this anymore. There, problem solved. It’s obvious from your wording that you know these people don’t want you to do this. Leave them alone. It sounds like they don’t want to have you around in the first place, nevermind that you’re trying to annoy them. Maybe they’re jerks who don’t have a good reason for being rude to you, but that doesn’t make it OK for you to bother them. If they don’t want to talk to you, talk to someone else. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/23 "2011-10-24T16:39:55Z")
> [@Tamex](#): > > Big mistake. This person now sits with us every single day and not only has no sense of personal space, but she goes on and on and on about the same stories and subjects over and over again. If you do try to carry on a conversation with her, you get the sense that she is not really listening, but just waiting for you to stop talking so that she can share her oh-so amusing anecdote. She does not recognize the signs and social cues from the rest of us that her story has gone on too long or we are not interested or bored or uncomfortable or would really like to talk to the other people in the group who are not so irritating. Holy cats! You work with Sally too? I used to work there - we mighta been co-workers! ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/24 "2011-10-24T18:04:49Z")
> [@Eyebrows\_0f\_Doom](#): > > \*\*Qin \*\*has mentioned before that he was diagnosed with Asperger’s and that he has a lot of trouble reading social cues from other people. > > (Anyone familiar with the British TV show “Skins”? Everytime \*\*Qin \*\*posts he reminds me of the character of JJ.) Not really directed at **Qin** , but I remember a guy in my class who was an Aspie (well, it was never confirmed, but his behaviour matched perfectly) and when I had the opportunity to read some of the posts he made online, he was a totally different person. His writing was articulate and on topic. Meanwhile, in person, his verbal tics included shouting profanities and he had trouble getting his point across while speaking and missed social cues. **Qin** could be pushing personal boundaries in person that he doesn’t even realize are there. We’re trying to figure this out based on his words online, and we see him as a bright teenager. I’m not saying this is a bad thing, just that we may not be seeing everything going on. ---
**Author:** ![mnemosyne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@mnemosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mnemosyne)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2011, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/25 "2011-10-24T19:04:42Z")
> [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > …touched them or stroke their hair or whatnot-which a lot of boys do anyways to girls. Which some girls might actually not enjoy but feel they have to allow it because of the prevailing cultural attitude of high school and the “popular/cute boys”. It’s easier to complain when a 'not cool" guy does something than when it’s the high school quarterback. It’s not fair, but it’s true. I don’t know where you fit into the hierarchy in school, **Qin** but just because other boys are doing something to the girls really, really doesn’t mean you should be doing it too, even if it’s only halfway like you say in your OP. ---
**Author:** ![Troppus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a587f6/32.png) [@Troppus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troppus)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/26 "2011-10-25T00:49:23Z")
> [@kushiel](#): > > … > > **Qin** could be pushing personal boundaries in person that he doesn’t even realize are there… The OP indicates that QSH is very aware he has been violating personal boundaries (bolding mine): > [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](#): > > Long story here, rambles a bit: > > … so I told him honestly that I didn’t do much to those people other than small talk with them ( **which pisses them off anyways** ). Well I did go up to them really close a few times (mostly as a joke) but than again I’ve never erhm touched them or stroke their hair or whatnot-which a lot of boys do anyways to girls. At any rate, **they were annoyed by it** ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/27 "2011-10-25T01:03:19Z")
Did the great sociologist/professor ever find time to talk with you about your grades??? BTW, don’t joke with your schoolmates unless they are your intimates, which, it appears, these are not. Most people don’t have a sense of humor. Or, if they do, it is extremely low brow. hh ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/28 "2011-10-25T01:05:51Z")
“Mostly” as a joke? What was the rest–attraction? Hope that they’d feel flattered by your physical attention? Anger? Whatever the rest was, that might give you some insight into why they didn’t like it. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/29 "2011-10-25T03:37:20Z")
/begin DutchUncle Sounds like you don’t fit in, or don’t FEEL you can fit in \ and are throwing elbows to say ‘Fuck it, I don’t care’. Knock it off. /end DutchUncle ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/30 "2011-10-25T21:02:24Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > /begin DutchUncle > > Sounds like you don’t fit in, or don’t FEEL you can fit in \ and are throwing elbows to say ‘Fuck it, I don’t care’. > Knock it off. > > /end DutchUncle As a person of Netherlands descent, I for one am offended. And so are my uncles Henk and Willem. Uncle Gerrit, he don’t mind so much. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/31 "2011-10-25T21:26:17Z")
Qin, if you are different, you should do what you can not to appear too different to others, but it’s not your fault if you are different. If you don’t fit in, that’s their fault. You can see the attitude of other’s in this thread who assume the worst and think you should be an outcast because you aren’t like everyone else. These are adults, teenagers can be much worse. You should be cautious in everything you do at school. If you’ve done something wrong, stop doing it. But I don’t think your teacher has handled the situation well unless there is something you haven’t told us. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/32 "2011-10-25T22:28:21Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > \. If you don’t fit in, that’s their fault. \ Well, no, not really. Other kids have other strengths; it’s nobody’s “fault.” ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/33 "2011-10-25T22:33:53Z")
I think Qin may have abandoned the thread. But just in case, Qin, I hope embarrassment is not keeping you away. There are people here that care about how you’re doing. I’m one of them. But, if you’re regretting that you opened this thread, ask a mod to close it for you. You’re probably just busy and I’m making too much of this. But I’m posting it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2011, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/34 "2011-10-25T23:48:40Z")
I am very skeptical we’re getting the whole story. Qin sees small talk as doing things **to** them? If the OP sees himself as doing pretty much anything to his classmates, rather than with or for them, then there’s the problem right there. They are not experimental subjects. They are not objects to use. Qin, you apparently see yourself as doing things to people. Whatever those things are, stop them. ---
**Author:** ![Tamex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Tamex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamex)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/35 "2011-10-26T00:02:38Z")
> [@Snickers](#): > > Holy cats! You work with Sally too? I used to work there - we mighta been co-workers! Well, her name’s not Sally, and now I shudder with horror at the prospect of two of them out there. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/36 "2011-10-26T00:12:40Z")
> [@](#): > > I think Qin may have abandoned the thread. I don’t think that’s entirely accurate. It’s just his MO. Par for the course. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/37 "2011-10-26T00:37:39Z")
UPDATE: Sorry for not responding until now. I shall answer collectively Yes I know I’m awkward although I’ve done much with the help of my parents, friends, and teachers to correct myself. I’ve as much as humanly possible avoided them and there has been no further trouble in any way I’d like to thank everyone for answering, ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2011, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/38 "2011-10-26T00:59:37Z")
**Qin Shi Huangdi** - You might try a social club at school, like Chess Club, or something like that. You need a social outlet, and something that has specific activities and behaviors might help you understand what’s expected of you when you interact with others. It may not be natural, but there’s nothing that says you can’t learn these behaviors. StG ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2011, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/39 "2011-10-27T01:44:51Z")
Another suggestion: Drama Club. Seriously! A co-worker of mine, also an Aspie, found this very helpful in high school. Actors are given very precise direction when playing a character - you are told _exactly_ what and how to speak, where and how to stand, etc. My co-worker took the experience of playing characters and used those characters in later life. One example, he could play “happy to be at work today guy”, something we all have to do sometimes. If you want to “raise your game” in social skills, you need to be around, observer, and follow the examples of people who have better social skills than you. Chess club may not be that place. ---
**Author:** ![Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/f04885/32.png) [@Qin\_Shi\_Huangdi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qin_Shi_Huangdi)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2011, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578/40 "2011-10-29T00:35:02Z")
Update: Well so I got called up to the psychologist’s office yesterday because the girl although I’d stopped the behvaiour was still uncomfortable with even my presence in class and had told the psychologist of this. She not only told of my behaviour in school but for example how on Facebook I had supposedly trolled a group-not against her but still she ran it or how I had sent her links of questionable taste (which I do to several people)-although she had found it funny at the time. I was forced to transfer my class to another teacher and made to promise that I wouldn’t “troll” or “spam” or whatnot. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-problems-at-school/600578.md?page=3)