# Some psycho breaks into your home. No gun/knife/phone nearby. What would you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 10, 2006, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791 "2006-03-10T04:00:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/61 "2006-03-13T00:45:56Z")
> [@MrJackboots](#): > > Just remember not to do this. Hijack: Is it just me or does Kharisma look an awful lot like Davan’s mom there? > [@jellyblue](#): > > (unsafest place I ever lived.) Another hijack: Were you in San Diego then too? If so, where, JOOC? As for me, I think I would grab the nearest relatively aerodynamic object and throw it at the guy, might give him some pause as I collect myself and figure out what to do next. I surprised myself in boot camp by nailing someone from across the room with a bottle of baby oil after he’d playfully kicked some hard object at my nuts while I was asleep–_with my left hand_, and I’m a rightie. By the time I was fully awake he was nursing a bad bruise on his arm. He didn’t fuck with me again. Oh and if I were in my bedroom I’d have my acoustic guitar and a couple of hockey sticks. Plus combat boots, clock radios, lotion bottles and boot-shine tins that would probably function as pretty decent projectile weapons. > [@PunditLisa](#): > > Blood = DNA, baby. I hadn’t thought of that. Great strategy: Try to draw blood. Alternatively, you could use a Q-Tip to forcibly swab his cheek. Actually, I bet you could swab just about any part of his body and get enough to identify him. Tearing off fabric or skin and then getting your nails checked would be good, too. > [@Ghanima](#): > > (I’d go for the eyes first. I have a strange fetish for wanting to gouge someone’s eyes out. Like that scene in Blade Runner. Haven’t done it. Yet.) I have a friend who was physically harassed by a _big_ professional bouncer at a fairly popular local bar called Dick’s Last Resort. The bouncer literally tried to choke him to death; he (my friend) responded by burying his right thumb in the bouncer’s eye as far as it could go. Made the bouncer angrier, but completely halted his attempt on my friend’s life–long enough for the manager to come over and kick him (my friend) out, which is of course a better outcome than being killed. > [@MacTech](#): > > it’s highly improbable that i’d be in a room without some form of weapon (well, maybe the bathroom) I don’t know about you, but in the bathroom I’m always holding a formidable weapon. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/62 "2006-03-13T00:57:35Z")
As long as we’re talking about unconventional/improvised home defense tools, can’t get much better than a 6 D-Cell Maglite, it’s a club that makes light, a flashlight capable of fracturing bone… as far as it’s use as a _flashlight_, in it’s stock form it’s pretty outdated, underpowered and underwhelming, a stock SureFire flashlight using a P60 bulb (6P/G2/M2/C2/G2Z) will outperform it lumens-wise, but the Mag will outperform the SureFire in runtime and the ability to break bones i’d also imagine if you ended up in a legal battle with the thief trying to sue you, the courts would look more favorably on you if you used “just a flashlight” to defend yourself, after all, it’s “just” a flashlight… ---
**Author:** ![xkoolkacix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/898d66/32.png) [@xkoolkacix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xkoolkacix)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/63 "2006-03-13T01:12:55Z")
ohhh!! i have a embarassing story! my dad likes to walk around in his underwear (and not boxers, but skibbies) so my boyfriend and his friends had just dropped my sister and i off at home when they decided to scare us. they lit up 2 cigaretts and pressed them up againist the window! …moving on we screamed; my dad ran outside with his huge riffle, and in his underwear mind you; and almost shot my boyfriend! so my answer to the question is that i would scream; im sure my dad’s sheer unattractiveness would most likly scare off the robber!! ~kaci ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/64 "2006-03-13T01:27:49Z")
> [@astro](#): > > I’m 20 feet from the door when it is opened, and there are two college kids standing there asking if their friend, a girl with red hair, is in the house, in a semi-accusing tone . I say “No!” irritatedly and they turn from the door. > > . Until recently, I lived equidistant between two active crack houses. I was on hello how are ya terms with a couple of the regular runners. I was also quite vigilant, door was always locked. Well duh. 🙂 One three seperate occasions I had people trying to open the front door in the wee hours. No doubt confused crackhead losers. I’m glad the front door was kept locked, because if a stranger walked in my front door at 3 am, there is not a doubt in my mind that my [larger Rottweiler](http://community.webshots.com/photo/53953015/2040280240041397343IXPbmi) would tear them a new one. I also keep a large crowbar and mace by my front door; there’s not a doubt in my mind I’d use either if I had to. With the dogs, nobody will make it into the house anyhow. The crack houses got busted and boarded up last summer. I almost miss the constant chirping of cell phones up and down the street all night. Not. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/65 "2006-03-13T02:01:25Z")
> [@xkoolkacix](#): > > my dad ran outside with his huge riffle, and in his underwear mind you _Woah!_ I don’t want to hear about your dad’s huge riffle, OK? I’ve never even heard that word before, but it doesn’t sound good. > [@bonobo\_jones](#): > > I was on hello how are ya terms with a couple of the regular runners. In a way, it’s nice to have friends like those on reserve when someone fucks with you, so you can call some pipe-hittin’ muthafuckas to go medeival on their ass like in Pulp Fiction. Or something. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/66 "2006-03-13T02:12:32Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > In a way, it’s nice to have friends like those on reserve when someone fucks with you, so you can call some pipe-hittin’ muthafuckas to go medeival on their ass like in Pulp Fiction. Or something. Self preservation. 🙂 I’m sure these fine folks would steal from their own grannies (and probably have) so I really didn’t want to be on their bad side. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/67 "2006-03-13T02:15:22Z")
> [@bonobo\_jones](#): > > Self preservation. 🙂 > I’m sure these fine folks would steal from their own grannies (and probably have) so I really didn’t want to be on their bad side. That’s what I’m sayin–my theory would be, be real nice to them and maybe one day they’ll kick some ass for you. Now that I think about it, given that there was probably more ammunition between those two crack houses than at the nearest army base, I bet nobody would intentionally try to break into your home. ---
**Author:** ![Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Carnac\_the\_Magnificent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carnac_the_Magnificent)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/68 "2006-03-13T03:14:29Z")
> [@sturmhauke](#): > > That’s not a bad idea if you’re familiar with the use of an escrima stick. If you do use a full sized bat, I would suggest holding it not like you were swinging at a ball, but like a sword - right hand high on the grip, left hand low (reverse if you’re left handed). Turn your wrists together so they line up vertically. When you strike, push your top hand forward and pull your bottom hand back, and also get your hips and sholders into the movement. You’ll lose a bit of reach and power compared to a batter’s stance, but you’ll gain much more speed and control which is what you need. > > The groin is a good target if you can hit it square, but the problem is that it’s really not an easy target because the legs are in the way, and most guys will instinctively protect it. If you have a blunt weapon like a bat or bass guitar (which you’d want to use edgewise), aim for the side of the knee, ankle, elbow, or jaw below the ear. What’s wrong with the Hank Aaron Over-the-Fence Swing? I can’t imagine anyone could defend against a baseball bat swung full force. Crunch. Snap. Break. Scream. OR, what about grasping the fat end of the bat and swinging the handle. The speed would be amazing and the mass enough to stop anyone… … Anyone except Robert De Niro of “Cape Fear” fame. ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/69 "2006-03-13T05:56:50Z")
> [@Carnac the Magnificent!](#): > > What’s wrong with the Hank Aaron Over-the-Fence Swing? If he dodges and you miss, your recovery time to swing again sucks. ---
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/70 "2006-03-13T06:19:18Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > Another hijack: Were you in San Diego then too? If so, where, JOOC? OMG, was it _YOU?!_😃 I was in San Diego still, yes. This was about 10 years ago when I was in graduate school. The area was called University Heights - adorable neighborhood, but really bad with theft, etc. I had a friend who had a car stripped - I mean, wheels, everything - it was up on blocks - in front of that apartment! Dinky little ancient “cottages” on the corner of Maryland & Madison. Very easy to break into, apparently. And it’s a long story, this was no ordinary breakin, this guy (a stranger) was stalking me big time, a real headcase. He did eventually get in the house while I wasn’t there and spent several hours there, according to my clueless neighbors (he said he knew me) :eek: . Apparently, in addition to stealing some really creepy stuff (diaries, undies, etc.) and leaving money, cameras, things of actual value, he also mopped my kitchen floor 😕 . I moved out of that house the _next day_, never went back, and I have a lot of stuff. The police classified it as a burglary. When someone steals undies, pictures and diaries, burglary is definitely not their motive! I know I was lucky on this one. ::shudder:: Sorry about the hijack. ---
**Author:** ![Sleel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/73ab20/32.png) [@Sleel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleel)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/71 "2006-03-13T08:34:53Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > “Skilled warrior is unarmed only when room is empty, yes?” > –Death’s Head, freelance peacekeeping agent (Simon Furman) I’d say, “warrior is unarmed only when dead or unconscious.” Your brain is the ultimate weapon. We all pretty much have one of two instinctive responses in this kind of situation: fight or flight. Some of us (unfortunately) know from experience which we’re more likely to do in certain situations. I’m much more likely to attack than I am to run. I’d yell, move toward the intruder in as threatening a way as possible, and get violent if that person didn’t get the hell out as fast as possible. All you guys who are giving in-depth answers, I doubt you a bit. If you’ve been in a situation like that, you know that you find yourself doing some surprising things when you yourself are surprised. Weapons, shmeapons. What you’ll probably do in reality is pick up anything you’ve got on hand and use it creatively. Unplanned murderers don’t bludgeon or strangle out of choice, but because they attacked with whatever weapon was readily apparent to them at the time. Attacking defensively is, if anything, less planned than an aggressive attack; an aggressor is much more likely to have pre-planned something. I’m reminded of a scene in “Infinity Hold” by Barry Longyear. A character is asked to pick a couple of people to act as lieutenants in their impromptu army. He interviews the two who have been proposed by setting up a couple of scenarios, including enemy numbers, position, relative strengths. To the question, “What would you do?” each answers, “I’d kill them.” That was the right answer. It doesn’t matter how you do it, whatever you’re going to do, just get it done. ---
**Author:** ![SurrenderDorothy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/surrenderdorothy/32/1221_2.png) [@SurrenderDorothy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SurrenderDorothy)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/72 "2006-03-13T09:18:32Z")
Assuming the dog is away and I’m alone, I’d very likely just freeze, then use whatever I had available to injure his nose or eyes, stomp on his foot, and then run screaming to either a neighbor’s house or one of the restaurants/convenience stores nearby. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/73 "2006-03-13T17:08:01Z")
> [@jellyblue](#): > > Maryland & Madison :eek: Looks like you lived about 10 blocks from where I live now. ---
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/74 "2006-03-13T17:23:49Z")
> [@fetus](#): > > :eek: Looks like you lived about 10 blocks from where I live now. Eh, not to worry, you know San Diego, 10 blocks can be a world away. Besides, _you’ve_ been to bootcamp. I, on the other hand, just have boots. Most of which have 3 inch heels and would be difficult to run in. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/75 "2006-03-13T17:47:44Z")
> [@jellyblue](#): > > Eh, not to worry, you know San Diego, 10 blocks can be a world away. Besides, _you’ve_ been to bootcamp. I, on the other hand, just have boots. Most of which have 3 inch heels and would be difficult to run in. I’m not worried; I know there’s a world of difference between University Heights and Mission Valley. Actually, the car theft rate in Mission Valley is surprisingly high, but it’s really all in the shopping malls. I’m just surprised I ran into a Doper who lived so close. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/76 "2006-03-13T18:08:01Z")
> [@bonobo\_jones](#): > > [larger Rottweiler](http://community.webshots.com/photo/53953015/2040280240041397343IXPbmi) Nice doggy. Good boy. Gooood doggy. Stay. Sit. Stay! Stay!!! AAAAAAAHHHH!!! That dog does not look like he wants to be interrupted during his evening snooze 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/77 "2006-03-13T19:26:32Z")
> [@Johnny L.A.](#): > > Pull on the rope and release the tiger. Or the 16-ton weight. What about a point-ed stick? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/78 "2006-03-13T19:33:58Z")
As a trained law enforcement officer I would run like hell (given the OP where my guns are not accessable). Property is not worth risking your life for. If my family was in the house it is a different story. I would attack like a rabid wolverine. ---
**Author:** ![jellyblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e480ec/32.png) [@jellyblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jellyblue)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/79 "2006-03-13T20:05:25Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Nice doggy. Good boy. Gooood doggy. Stay. Sit. Stay! Stay!!! AAAAAAAHHHH!!! > > That dog does not look like he wants to be interrupted during his evening snooze 🙂 …and made even more menacing by the fact that he’s _standing in a graveyard_! :eek: Subtle! ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2006, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791/80 "2006-03-13T20:37:53Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > Nice doggy. Good boy. Gooood doggy. Stay. Sit. Stay! Stay!!! AAAAAAAHHHH!!! > > That dog does not look like he wants to be interrupted during his evening snooze 🙂 Haha. Actually he is a registered therapy dog, has obedience and agility titles and quite social. However he is also quite Rottweiler and protective, though he usually lets me be the judge of who he’s allowed to act threatening towards. 🙂 I’m having him temperament tested through [ATTS](http://www.atts.org/testdesc.html) in May. Like everyone who does this I’m curious about how he’ll react to the aggressive stranger part of the test…based on prior experience, I’m sure he’ll pass. (My other Rottweiler will bark loudly if she’s startled by someone at the door, then will hide under the bed and pee in fright.) The photo was taken at an old dog cemetary & war memorial that was recently uncovered by some developers building a new subdivision. I went down and took a [bunch of photos of it.](http://dogmuse.blogspot.com/) Yes, the dog hiked his leg on lots of markers. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-psycho-breaks-into-your-home-no-gun-knife-phone-nearby-what-would-you-do/347791.md?page=3)