Oh, I remember that remake now! What shite! Although seeing Owen Wilson beheaded was shocking…
Well, it’s good to learn that something positive emerged from that train wreck at least. Honestly though, the degree to which that movie lacked scariness was flatly inexcusable. How is it even possible to screw up a horror movie featuring that house? Even the name is scary! “Welcome to… Harlaxton Manor.” No doubt old man Harlaxton was a grim, cadaverous figure who probably looked just like the guy from Phantasm. And yet somehow Jan de Bont managed to digitally remove every lumen of fright from that footage. I just hope that someone takes the opportunity film a genuinely spooky movie there someday-- as you point out, it’s the perfect setting. What an awesome haunted house that place would make at Halloween.
See, I don’t think you even need to see the remake for that room to be scary. I can just imagine reading in that room, losing track of time, and suddenly realizing that it’s night, there’s no one else around, and there’s only one lamp lit in the room. There’s a faint creak as the house settles, just a bit, and then I imagine that I see something move out of the corner of my eye. Are the cherubs on the wall smiling just a tiny bit more widely than before? “Don’t be absurd,” they seem to whisper, their blind stares silently mocking. “Nothing has moved… nothing walks these rooms at night… alone… in Harlaxton Manor…”
Then I glance up and find this guy looking straight at me.