# Some requests from a 24 fan. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 7, 2006, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455 "2006-02-07T21:07:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/1 "2006-02-07T21:07:46Z")
1. Shut up about how no one evers shits. 2. Shut up about how there’s never any traffic. 3. Shut up about how cell phone reception is always good. 4. Shut up about Elbonians being portrayed as bad guys. Somebody has to, and Elbonians were picked this week. Join the Russians, the Chechnyans, the Mexicans, the Ukranians, the Serbians, the Chinese, the Three Middle Eastern Countries, the bisexuals, and straight upper-class middle-aged white Americans as people who’ve been unfairly singled out. (I’ll let the irony of that sink in.) Unless 24 becomes about aliens, robots, and mountain lions, someone will have to be the bad guy. 5. Shut up about the show “glorifying” torture. If Jack Bauer submitted proper paperwork to his superiors in lieu of kicking some fucking ass, he could be played by David Schwimmer, his boss would a Baldwin whose first name does not begin with “A,” the President would be the guy who played Ferris Bueller’s dad, and the show would fucking suck. 24 is intended as a heart-pounding thriller about the fictional Counter Terrorist Unit of Los Angeles. Torture, for better or for worse, is a standard of this kind of show/movie, because it creates tension, conflict, and allows for physical confrontation. It is not Law & Order. And if people are so stupid that they let Hawkeye’s kid and a Samwise Gamgee running around with toy guns and yelling at people shape their opinions about the not-pretend government’s actions in the not-pretend war, then we should all hope that they also think Dr. Doolittle is real and that they drown attempting to talk to their goldfish. I refuse to let other people’s ignorance sway my tastes in mindless entertainment. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/2 "2006-02-07T21:14:58Z")
Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![jali](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecae2f/32.png) [@jali](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jali)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/3 "2006-02-07T21:16:38Z")
Okay. I won’t say any of those things. I wonder what gave you the impression I ever did…la di da. YOU shut up with the David Schwimmer comments - I love Ross. I’ll say this : Jack Bauer should be more like Chuck Norris. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/4 "2006-02-07T21:20:56Z")
> [@jali](#): > > I’ll say this : Jack Bauer should be more like Chuck Norris. You mean: fucking awesome? Indeed. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/5 "2006-02-07T21:23:35Z")
> [@jali](#): > > Jack Bauer should be more like Chuck Norris. If Jack Bauer were played by Chuck Norris, the entire season would be only 30 minutes long. He would teleport to the bad guy, roundhouse kick him upside the head, then have sex with the bad guy’s wife. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/6 "2006-02-07T21:29:41Z")
Half the fun of 24 is actually picking it apart. The show set up the premise of everything occuring in real-time, and the amount of shit that happens that occurs in that one day every season makes General Hospital seem like a documentary. However, I keep watching, because it is fun action adventure. If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t watch it, and thus wouldn’t make fun of it. ---
**Author:** ![Neurotik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/91b2a8/32.png) [@Neurotik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neurotik)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/7 "2006-02-07T21:30:34Z")
> [@Troy McClure SF](#): > > 1. Shut up about how no one evers shits. Oh come on, that could be half a show right there. President: The terrorists are going to set off a nuke in LA! Jack: OK, but first I gotta drop a deuce. You got the newspaper? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/8 "2006-02-07T21:36:25Z")
1. No. 2. Nuh uh. 3. Hi Opal! 4. Bite me. 5. _snork!_ But one question – Hawkeye’s kid? Hoo dat? ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/9 "2006-02-07T21:39:23Z")
> [@D\_Odds](#): > > Half the fun of 24 is actually picking it apart. Oh, I know. The CS threads and TWoP immensely increase my enjoyment of the show, week-round. But the 1-3 in my OP have been said over and over and over for the past five years, and it’s not particularly creative or funny, and just annoying at this point. It’s like saying “What’s the deal with those little airline peanuts?” without being facetious. ---
**Author:** ![Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troy_mcclure_sf/32/4150_2.png) [@Troy\_McClure\_SF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Troy_McClure_SF)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/10 "2006-02-07T21:40:48Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > But one question – Hawkeye’s kid? Hoo dat? > **[MASH (1970) - IMDb](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066026/)** > > MASH: Directed by Robert Altman. With Donald Sutherland, Elliott Gould, Tom Skerritt, Sally Kellerman. The staff of a Korean War field hospital use humor and high jinks to keep their sanity in the face of the horror of war. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/11 "2006-02-07T21:44:23Z")
> [@Troy McClure SF](#): > > [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066026/](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066026/) Ah. The fucking obvious. I was trying to remember which character was played by one of Alan Alda’s daughters. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/12 "2006-02-07T21:55:42Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Ah. The fucking obvious. Spell it out for me, or thousands of people will die! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/13 "2006-02-07T22:02:49Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Spell it out for me, or thousands of people will die! Donald Sutherland. Who was in _A Time to Kill_, interestingly enough, with his son. Their characters were not related. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/14 "2006-02-07T22:03:17Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Spell it out for me, or thousands of people will die! Nay! MILLIONS!!! ---
**Author:** ![Merijeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f05b48/32.png) [@Merijeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merijeek)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/15 "2006-02-07T22:04:32Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > Spell it out for me, or thousands of people will die! Ow! Stop it! I’ll tell you anything! Hawkeye was played in M_A_S\*H by… Ow! I said I’d tell you! Stop pouring salt in my anal bullet wound! -Joe, dies as abused girlfriend kills him with conveniently overlooked chainsaw ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/16 "2006-02-07T22:13:29Z")
> [@Merijeek](#): > > Ow! I said I’d tell you! Stop pouring salt in my anal bullet wound! Stop it, damn you! Hasn’t this man been through enough? Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I just spent the last 14 hours putting this man back together! Go play terrorist somewhere else! Why **Dung Beetle** , as I live and breathe heavily… ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dead\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Badger)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/17 "2006-02-07T23:17:42Z")
As a sort of converse, however: 1. Stop giving every character a fucking albatross. Oh, look! Sam Gamgee has a junkie sister! Lordy me, I didn’t see that coming! It’s almost as if you haven’t used that “plot” device before! 2. Stop introducing romantic albatrosses for Jack. I’m fucking sick of the whole “angst of being the best terrorist-hunter ever” schtick; it’s being going on for 4.5 fucking series already. Let the poor sod kick some ass without regrets, already! If he has to say “I love you so much but I just have to show this guy his kidneys hanging from a necklace made of his urethra” _once_ more, I’m going to … well, kidneys and penile mutilation will be involved. 3. Oh my god, stop generating tension by giving every fucking character Asperger’s. It seems slightly strange that almost every single employee of the best counter-terrorist agency in the world should be _completely_ incapable of basic human interaction. Five series in, and you’d think they’d have managed to employ someone who wasn’t a complete fucking freak. 3a) _How_ many fucking moles are going to infiltrate CTU? 3b) _How_ many times are “division” going to plonk abrasive unknowns at the head of the chain of established command? 4. Stop asking: “How long will it take us to find out ?” “End of the episode minus 2.5 minutes.” Lame. Telegraphed. Done approximately 106 times, now. Stop. Stop stop stop. 1. You killed Sherr{y,i,ee}. This was the best thing you have done in five series. Well done. Took you long enough, though. And now the new First Lady is almost as annoying. Shoot her. Shoot her. Shoot her. Now. And before you start throwing things at me, these complaints are borne of a love for 24, not a hatred of it. However, it really is getting really really fucking easy to predict what’s going to happen now. And they’re about to reintroduce Kim; I fear that arbitrary cougars lie in wait. ---
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/18 "2006-02-07T23:18:46Z")
1. Not my issue. 2. It’s LA. They’ve gotta expect complaints like that, though for me it’s a really minor thing. It’s not nearly as bad as Marwan’s magic speedy jeeps. And actually I only complain about it when I’m stuck in traffic. 1. When I can get good cell phone reception at my university, I’ll stop complaining about Jack getting good reception in a bunker. Though I never complain about this online either. 2. Fuck, I agree with you on this. No matter who gets picked as the villian, someone is going to whine about racism or political correctness. It’s particulary amusing when muslim terrorist are bad guys, because that has no basis in real life… 3. Dude, I want to see Jack perform eye surgery with a field knife. Last night I wanted him to cut off the bad guy’s balls. If Jack were running the state department, I’d let him torture anyone wanted. In real life, I’m againest torture. Because I realize it’s a TV show. I like the show and half the fun is complaining about it. I love the godfather and I’ll nitpick that too. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/19 "2006-02-07T23:34:35Z")
I haaaate the nitpicking. I don’t know why I kept reading the op, knowing what it would lead to. :smack: See, I get really tired of the heavy handed crap getting sloshed about by the “kill your tv” people. I watch one show a week. I really, really like that show. I LOVE getting away from reality for an hour and suspending my disbelief. Predictable or not, I don’t think it’s terrible OR mindless, and I’m tired of having a finger waving in my face by someone who thinks they’re better than I because I like a tv show. It’s just a tv show. If you don’t like it, go read a fuckin’ book. Let me enjoy what I came to enjoy. Sheesh. I have a friend that no matter how complicated or twisted the plot to any movie she’s seen is, she will always start the first sentence of her critique with, “I had it all figured out in the first two minutes.” It’s stupid, annoying, and people who do this should just quit going to movies, or be forced to go to movies only with people who also do this. **Troy** , Speak it, brother. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2006, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455/20 "2006-02-07T23:36:24Z")
I’m sorry about the f word. I forgot where I was. IIIIIDIOT! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-requests-from-a-24-fan/343455.md?page=2)