# some things you have to speaking for **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 18, 2000, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663 "2000-09-18T22:46:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Ringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/779978/32.png) [@Ringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ringo)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/21 "2000-09-19T01:34:34Z")
Oh Marc! I am truly troubled to learn what you’ve had to deal with. I’ll not dispense philosophy, as that’s been handled well before me. Suffice to say I think you’ve had to bear one bona fide tough part of life; and you _will_ heal. I look forward to seeing you on down the line. Take care, pal. Regards, beatle ---
**Author:** ![Wicked\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/2acd7d/32.png) [@Wicked\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wicked_Blue)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/22 "2000-09-19T01:41:00Z")
Marc, I have two close relations (my grandfather and my great aunt) in nursing homes right now. One has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t know who he is anymore, and the other went from a healthy, spunky old woman, to a bed-ridden invalid literally overnight. A third person I am very close with (my father-in-law) is dying from a horrible and fatal disease. As I watch these three people fade, it breaks my heart. I didn’t think it could get any worse. I guess I didn’t think hard enough. You have my deepest sympathies, and if you need to talk, please email or IM me. Rose ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Serendipity](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f17d59/32.png) [@Serendipity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Serendipity)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/23 "2000-09-19T02:04:19Z")
Marc, I haven’t any eloquent words or sage advice to offer, but I wanted to add my condolences to those already expressed by the amazing SDMB community. Take care of yourself and know that you and your loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers. With much love, Jessica ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/24 "2000-09-19T02:08:45Z")
While I have never had to make the decision for someone else, I have supported a couple of family members who were able to make the decision on their own. It is a hard, hard thing. Marc, may the memory of your grandmother live on in you and your loved ones. I and mine will be thinking of you and yours. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/25 "2000-09-19T02:12:56Z")
Marc, My sincerest condolences. And I hope that, if I’m ever in a situation like your grandmother was, there is someone that’s brave enough, and that loves me enough, to let me go. Be well, Rys ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/26 "2000-09-19T02:14:18Z")
Shit, man, you’re making a brother cry. I cannot add anything to what has already been said. But “if you’ll have me?” Dammit, nobody is more welcome than you. Take your time; we’ll be here. My email’s in my profile. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/27 "2000-09-19T02:14:58Z")
Marc, I’m so terribly sorry you’re going through this. I’ve had to deal with both my grandparents being deathly ill, and preparing myself for the possibility that they’d die, but never something like this. My heart goes out to you, hon. FWIW, you’re in my thoughts. I’ll light a candle for you tonight. _hugs_ ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/28 "2000-09-19T02:29:00Z")
A friend of mine went through something like this when her grandmother, an Alzheimer’s sufferer, died. My friend will never forget the pain of helplessly watching, although it has lessened somewhat over the years. My thoughts are with you. Laura ---
**Author:** ![brachyrhynchos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brachyrhynchos/32/376_2.png) [@brachyrhynchos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brachyrhynchos)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/29 "2000-09-19T02:34:37Z")
Marc, my heart goes out to you. And like others have said, I hope someone in my family is as brave and good to let me go also. Please come back when you can, smilies or words (of course we’ll have you, with open arms). Lisa ---
**Author:** ![Freyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freyr/32/5763_2.png) [@Freyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freyr)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/30 "2000-09-19T02:36:18Z")
Dear Marc/Silent-Bob, For whatever it’s worth, I know in my heart you’re not a murder. The spirit that is was known as your grandmother is now at peace. Hard as it was, I’m sure you did the right thing. Talk when you feel ready. Freyr/Peter ---
**Author:** ![Lost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/22d042/32.png) [@Lost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lost)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/31 "2000-09-19T02:48:10Z")
Bob-Marc I wish I knew why the right decision is almost always the hardest one to make - and to stick to. Thanks for sharing yourself here, I learned more about life and good people with each post. You did the right thing for your grandmother, even thought it was such a difficult thing to do, and I respect and honor you for doing so. Sending warm feelings, hugs & condolences to you & your family, M ---
**Author:** ![Amulet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4491bb/32.png) [@Amulet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amulet)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/32 "2000-09-19T02:56:50Z")
Marc… I have been down a somewhat similar road as you’re on now. It’s hard, make no mistake, but time will allow you to get a better perspective on things. In the meantime (as if there haven’t been enough offers), if you need to talk to someone who’s sorta been there you can email me at [cara\_mia12@yahoo.com](mailto:cara_mia12@yahoo.com) My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Erin ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/33 "2000-09-19T03:00:28Z")
Marc- I watched my beloved mother die, and then my oldest brother almost exactly one year later. I know that nothing I say will help. All I can do is cry with you, and I am, and pray for you and your family. I am doing that too. You loved your grandmother enough to allow her to die with dignity instead of existing without it. You did the right thing. Hold tight to your grandfather and never let him doubt that he is loved-that is the best thing you can do now, both for yourself and for your gram. ((((((((((Marc))))))))))) Scotti [scotticher@netzero.com](mailto:scotticher@netzero.com) ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/34 "2000-09-19T03:14:24Z")
Bob! Marc! I wish I could say something to comfort you in your grief. I’ve lost one set of grandparents, and am probably going to lose the other set within the next few years, and I dread the day that I might have to make a medical decision for someone I love. You were courageous, you were loving, you were merciful, and that’s all anyone can ask you to be. Take your time - grieve, and carry her with you. Much love, Magdalene ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/35 "2000-09-19T03:50:19Z")
☹ {{Marc}} ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/36 "2000-09-19T04:37:52Z")
Marc, My deepest sympathy to you and your family. I know how hard it is to make a decision like that–I had to watch my then-wife and her family go through something very similar with her mother. I have nothing to say that will really help, except maybe this: your grandmother lives on as long as she is in your heart. I don’t use smilies very often, and I don’t go around hugging guys, but… {{{Marc/SILENT-BOB}}} ☹ You take care of yourself and the people you love, and come back when you’re ready. R.C. “MysterEcks” ---
**Author:** ![silent\_rob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@silent\_rob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silent_rob)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/37 "2000-09-19T04:41:58Z")
Marc, my deepest condolences to you and your family. I can’t imagine how hard what you and your family did was, but it had to be done. I hope you’ll be alright. ☹ Don’t feel like you need to keep up your persona all the time. It’s great, but I’m glad that you feel that you can talk to us. Feel free to come back whenever you’re ready; we’ll welcome you back with open arms. ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/38 "2000-09-19T04:43:53Z")
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{SILENT-BOB}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} My most heartfelt condolences for what you have been through. You are an amazing person to have had the strength to do the right thing. Rest assured–it _was_ the right thing. In time, your heart will heal and you will accept it. I’m sure your grandmother was grateful for you and your family doing what you had to do. Please take extra special care of your grandfather–he will need it. Whenever you feel like coming back, we will be here to welcome you. If you need a virtual shoulder to cry on or a real ear to talk to in the meantime, please feel free to e-mail me. My thoughts are with you and your family. Take care. [evilbeth@hotmail.com](mailto:evilbeth@hotmail.com) ---
**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/39 "2000-09-19T04:46:29Z")
Marc: Man, what a tough decision to make. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I’ll say this: You are not a murderer. I wish there were words I could say to make you feel better, but for what it’s worth, you have my sympathies. ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2000, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663/40 "2000-09-19T04:51:37Z")
Bob/Marc, like Persephone, I, too, have been in the position of supporting those who made the decision to let my grandmother die. I feel for you. It was the right thing. You are not a murderer. My email is in my profile. Please, write me if you want to. We’re all here for you. {{{{{{{{{{{{Bob/Marc}}}}}}}}}}}}}} [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-things-you-have-to-speaking-for/33663.md?page=3)