# Some vampire's breaking into your house with intent to do and your family harm **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 16, 2015, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093 "2015-03-16T03:38:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/41 "2015-03-16T17:05:50Z")
When Mrs. Plant (v.2.0) and her daughter moved to my trailer in the woods, the step daughter was terrified of werewolves in the woods. I thought of a brilliant idea, and as usual it Made Bad Things Worse. “Look, we’re Jewish, so crosses aren’t really magic, are they?” “WE’RE DOOMED!” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/42 "2015-03-16T17:18:58Z")
Report him/her to the bar. “You know what I hate about this town? All the damn vampires!” From “The Lost Boys”, 1987. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/43 "2015-03-16T17:55:24Z")
If it’s the traditional Eastern European vampire, not the Hollywood type, any weapon cable of disabling him or her until you can cut off his or her head will be sufficient. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/44 "2015-03-16T17:58:42Z")
> [@Foggy](#): > > Are we talking about sexy vampires? You know like **Spike** from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, **Damon Salvatore** from Vampire Diaries, \*\*Mitchell \*\*from Being Human (BBC), and Eric from True Blood? Well, I’d invite them in and gladly let them suck my… blood. > Not that I could stop them or any other vampire anyways. Mitchell? Claimed! (Yeah, I like Mitchell. He can…well, whatever.) ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/45 "2015-03-16T18:03:29Z")
> [@GrumpyBunny](#): > > Mitchell? > > Claimed! > > (Yeah, I like Mitchell. He can…well, whatever.) I am reminded of the ending of Love at First Bite as the vampires fly away. “You know, we can only live by night.” “Well, I never could get my shit together before noon anyway.” ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/46 "2015-03-16T18:25:48Z")
I have a bokken that should be pointy enough to give a vampire second thoughts, a very sharp broken escrima stick if that won’t do, and lots of garlic in various forms in the meantime. If any beheading is required, I have a machete for that. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/47 "2015-03-16T18:31:24Z")
My Wife just got me a new pair of Nikes. ---
**Author:** ![Lorene89095](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@Lorene89095](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorene89095)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/48 "2015-03-16T19:22:01Z")
Garlic salt ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/49 "2015-03-16T19:27:21Z")
> [@Lorene89095](#): > > Garlic salt Only works on undead snails and slugs. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/50 "2015-03-16T19:30:10Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Only works on undead snails and slugs. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/51 "2015-03-16T19:30:50Z")
Meh. Stake to the heart gets it done. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/52 "2015-03-16T19:51:35Z")
Considering my adolescent obsession, lo these many years ago, I’m surprisingly ill prepared. I flash some AA chips at it, and we could finally settle whether 12 steps is a religion or not. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/53 "2015-03-16T19:58:17Z")
When I was a little kid, I often asked my Dad what we’d do if Dracula or Frankenstein or the Wolfman came to our house. I guess I was hoping he’d reassure me we had several machine guns loaded with silver bullets, super soakers loaded with holy water, a few torches… The answer Dad always gave (one I appreciate now, but didn’t then) was “Why is he coming to OUR house? Why can’t he go to the Clarkes’ house or the Conlons’ house? What’s so great about OUR house?” ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/54 "2015-03-16T20:06:16Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > The answer Dad always gave (one I appreciate now, but didn’t then) was “Why is he coming to OUR house? Why can’t he go to the Clarkes’ house or the Conlons’ house? What’s so great about OUR house?” SO we’re back to the “All we have to do is run faster than the Clarkes’ family” theory. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/55 "2015-03-16T20:26:35Z")
> [@Uhib\_D\_Jaj](#): > > Hmmm, you may have pointed out a weakness in our defenses. There are any number of crucifixes, mostly Celtic, hung about the casa but I understand that their efficacy relies upon one’s level of faith. **Bricker,** I believe has the requisite faith. I…like chicken. So that’s out. Faith is important, but to some extent it’s also the faith of the Vampire, and the imbued holiness of the item. Thus, if it was Vlad and you have a 1st Class relic, he’d be turned even if you were atheist. Now, if _you_ are full of faith- then two Popsicle sticks would turn a Jewish Vampire. Myself, altho I do have a few relics, crosses and what-not; since I am a Carpathian “of the blood” I am apparently sorta immune. Unless of course it was one of the Revenant Vampires and I had personally done them in- but in that case nothing will stop them outside of total destruction. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/56 "2015-03-16T20:32:31Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#): > > Ahh, that’s where you get involved in vampire theology. > > 1.) Some claim (as the Perfect Master has imputed) that the stake is actually intended to “pin the vampire to the ground”. If so, it doesn’t so much kill it as immobilize it, and all those plays (like the original Dracula, and countless movies and TV shows) got it wrong > > 2.) Maybe the stake is just supposed to keep open a large opening that lets the blood come out, as in Richard Matheson’s _I Am Legend_ (but in none of the films based on it.) Matheson’s hero eventually realized that the stake was superfluous and stopped making and using them. > > 3.) In one of the Christopher Lee movies, Dracula, despite being impaled on a stake the size of the one described in Stoker’s original novel, simply _pulls it out_ and goes on unloving. Sometime, I guess, it doesn’t work. (Vincent Price, watching this on some TV show, commented “He wasn’t playing fair, was he?”) > > 4.) As I mentioned above (and before), vampires dying of exposure to sunlight isn’t exactly canon, and Varney, Dracula (in Stoker’s novel, and the Coppola film), and other vampires have walked in daylight, so exposing them to light won’t necessarily help. But it couldn’t hurt… The vampire my GreatGrandfather staked required to be staked then reburied in holy ground with the proper ceremonies. The staking takes them down but only the holiness “puts them to final rest”. The vampires from that area were powerless and would go back to decomposing in sunlight. But not crumble into dust. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/57 "2015-03-16T20:34:11Z")
> [@Your\_Great\_Darsh\_Face](#): > > Quickly! Show him your cross! Makes sign of the _ **extremely cross and rather grumpy** _. ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/58 "2015-03-16T20:59:20Z")
Hmm, get to sleep all day, party all night, never grow old or die? And the downside is being limited to a high protien liquid diet? Are they hiring, perchance? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/59 "2015-03-16T21:12:37Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > Hmm, get to sleep all day, party all night, never grow old or die? And the downside is being limited to a high protien liquid diet? > > Are they hiring, perchance? Breath like a charnel house, dreamless sleep that you never are refreshed from, no sex, no food or drink, no friends, few possessions, having a really bad addiction… and vampire hunters. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2015, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093/60 "2015-03-16T21:39:37Z")
No sex? Is that canon across the genre or just in certain stories? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/some-vampires-breaking-into-your-house-with-intent-to-do-and-your-family-harm/715093.md?page=4)