# Somebody needs to beat me like a red-headed step-child for doing this. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 2, 2001, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630 "2001-08-02T13:47:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/1 "2001-08-02T13:47:01Z")
Yeah… here goes: These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: “Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.” and also… A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.” Yeah… I’m terrible… I know. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/2 "2001-08-02T13:53:20Z")
Bend over, boy. ---
**Author:** ![Totoro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Totoro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Totoro)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/3 "2001-08-02T14:03:10Z")
Those were pretty damn good actually. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/4 "2001-08-02T14:06:47Z")
I have heard this phrase exactly four times in my life. Once was last night, from my own lips! I _am_ a red-headed step-child, and I never got beaten! I love the Leif one. Bwahaha. Gonna call my mom and tell her. Silly silly 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/5 "2001-08-02T14:39:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Simetra \* > **Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: "Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars."** The good fathers actually decided to open another type of business - a Fish ‘N’ Chips pub. The only difficulty they had was deciding who would be the Fish Friar and who would be the Chip Monk. ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/6 "2001-08-02T14:50:48Z")
\ Hehe… good one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/7 "2001-08-02T15:54:47Z")
:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![lno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/8 "2001-08-02T16:05:56Z")
Hm, another version of the florist friar has to do with the rival hiring an assassin who tried many different ways to kill the friar, but ended up throwing a sheep at him, which killed the friar on impact. “Only ewes can prevent florist friars.” ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/9 "2001-08-02T16:21:01Z")
ahhh my eyes roolled so far back in my head that I’m blind! I hope I’m posting this to the right thread! ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/10 "2001-08-02T16:22:52Z")
A porr, young couple gave birth to twins… being so poor, they decided that they couldn’t afford to keep both! So they decided to give one up for adoption… but which one? Eventually they decided to give BOTH up for adoption, as they couldn’t decide between the two… One was adopted by a nice Muslim family, named “Amal” and lived a happy, productive life. The other was adopted by an Immigrant Mexican couple, and named “Juan” and also lived a happy productive life. Years went by, and one day the (now) elderly poor couple heard a knock at the door… the wife went to answer it, and there on the doorstep was a handsome, healthy young man, maybe 22 years old. “Hello,” he said, “I’m your son, Juan, that you gave up for adoption lo, these many years ago!” The wife squealed in joy and brought the young man in. They spent the next several hours catching up, before Juan left to get back to his studies (he was in medical school)… After Juan left, the wife turned to her husband, tears in her eyes… and said, “Juan has had such a wonderful life, I’m glad we gave him up for adoption! But I wish we could see his twin brother… I hope he has had a wonderful life as well!” The husband took a drink of his beer, and said, “Why would you want to see his twin brother? Once you have seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/11 "2001-08-02T16:24:06Z")
Damn! “A POOR, young couple…” ---
**Author:** ![Chum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3ab097/32.png) [@Chum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chum)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/12 "2001-08-02T16:29:34Z")
**Simetra** , I thought your sig line was funnier than both those jokes. In fact, I am still in a state of mild chucklement. ---
**Author:** ![Tygr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/df788c/32.png) [@Tygr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tygr)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/13 "2001-08-02T16:58:28Z")
A Chinese couple, the Wongs, had a baby boy that came out having distinctly Caucasian features. The father was incensed, certain that the boy was not his and that his wife had been cheating on him. No matter what she did to convince him otherwise, he refused to believe her, insisting that “Two Wongs don’t make a white!” She however, kept on insisting that the baby’s appearance was purely Occidental. The local papers got wind of the story, but it was quickly dismissed as a case of yellow journalism. ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/14 "2001-08-02T17:21:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tygr \* > \*\*A Chinese couple, the Wongs, had a baby boy that came out having distinctly Caucasian features. The father was incensed, certain that the boy was not his and that his wife had been cheating on him. No matter what she did to convince him otherwise, he refused to believe her, insisting that > > “Two Wongs don’t make a white!” > > She however, kept on insisting that the baby’s appearance was purely Occidental. > > The local papers got wind of the story, but it was quickly dismissed as a case of yellow journalism. \*\* He later went to work for the chinese government intelligence agency, since his occidental features allowed him to easily infiltrate non-asian organizations. Yes, he became a Secret Asian Man. ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/15 "2001-08-02T17:33:03Z")
Hey… thanks **Chum** … here it is one more time. 🙂 You guys are too funny. Too Wongs don’t make a white indeed. Did they name him Sum Ting? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![sewalk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@sewalk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sewalk)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/16 "2001-08-02T22:43:52Z")
I’ve been looking for a place to drop this one. What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor? Make me one with everything. ---
**Author:** ![Eutychus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Eutychus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eutychus)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/17 "2001-08-02T22:52:50Z")
Back when they were about to build the skating rink in Kennedy Plaza in Providence they had a major problem in clearing the land. It seems that a local Buddhist group had set up camp in the middle of the plaza and refused to leave, chanting noisily and being generally annoying to passers by. It got so bad that it almost came to violence, but both sides sat down at the table and were able to work things out at a meeting which came to be known as the Buddha Pest Rink War Tete. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [August 2, 2001, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/18 "2001-08-02T22:59:39Z")
I got it, and it \*HURTS!!! ---
**Author:** ![Rosebud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ea666f/32.png) [@Rosebud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rosebud)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/19 "2001-08-03T00:13:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FairyChatMom \* > \*\*I got it, and it \*HURTS!!! \*\* Me too. Ow, ow, ow. ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2001, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630/20 "2001-08-03T00:26:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rosebud \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by FairyChatMom \* > > \*\*I got it, and it \*HURTS!!! \*\* > > Me too. Ow, ow, ow. \*\* So did I \ :eek: [sub]that pun made me very, very Hungary ! :D[/sub] [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-needs-to-beat-me-like-a-red-headed-step-child-for-doing-this/74630.md?page=2)