# Somebody PLEASE get Ann Coulter a shiny new dildo. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 8, 2002, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992 "2002-06-08T18:48:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/21 "2002-06-09T01:36:37Z")
Well of course! Because then I, a woman with strong opinions that are LIBERAL will be heard!!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/22 "2002-06-09T02:32:00Z")
Submitted for your approval… You are a reasonably content middle aged man, ambling by the SDMB, you read a name, something about a columnist, and it rings a bell, sort of… Curioius, you check the link, see the picture, and it all comes rushing back, the repressed memory… The frat party, the tequila, the back seat of a Trans Am…“Annie” Do you (a) cut your throat or (b) blow your brains out? ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/23 "2002-06-09T03:32:35Z")
> [@](#): > > I suppose it’s possible Ann Coulter dictates this stuff from a brain damage ward somewhere, but I strongly suspect she’s seeing if she can make a living tweaking people. I predict she won’t be making it for much longer. She strikes me as too over the top for most mainstream conservative publications. And that’s saying something. I give her another year at the most. ---
**Author:** ![grendel72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/91b2a8/32.png) [@grendel72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grendel72)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/24 "2002-06-09T03:42:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > \*\*Submitted for your approval… > The frat party, the tequila, the back seat of a Trans Am…“Annie” > \*\* Dude, you had sex with _Darth Vader_? Actually, that would be less horrifying than Coulter… ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/25 "2002-06-09T04:26:53Z")
“I’m your _father_!” (ahh Triumph… :)) ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/26 "2002-06-09T06:06:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by elucidator \* > \*\*Submitted for your approval… > > You are a reasonably content middle aged man, ambling by the SDMB, you read a name, something about a columnist, and it rings a bell, sort of… > > Curioius, you check the link, see the picture, and it all comes rushing back, the repressed memory… > > The frat party, the tequila, the back seat of a Trans Am…“Annie” > > Do you (a) cut your throat or (b) blow your brains out? \*\* This reminds me of what a coworker said when the whole Monica Lewinsky scandal broke, “You notice no one’s coming out and saying, ‘I tagged it first!’” No one, but no one, has ever admitted to tagging ole Annie. I like to think its because she killed and ate them immediately afterwards, thereby sparing them the lifetime of grief and humilation that could only come from such an act. Then again, perhaps Ann has an active sex life and requires her partner to spank her and make her scream, “Socialized medicine is _good_! I love seeing people on welfare! I want more people on foodstamps!” Of course, Ann’s problem might simply be that it _isn’t_ a good, stiff, hard cock that she needs, but some bearded clam instead. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/27 "2002-06-09T07:40:50Z")
Is Ann Coulter supposed to be the standard-bearer for American conservatism these days? Man, no _wonder_ they’re fucked up… ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/28 "2002-06-09T07:45:42Z")
The answer is simple: Ann Coulter is a robot. Just look at her. Someone just needs to get near her with a heavy-duty magnet … ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/29 "2002-06-09T09:44:28Z")
Oh I just lurv this sheila… ‘Skyscrapers are the hallmark of civilization’…huh? Geez, I thought compassion and tolerance and rational thinking was the way ‘civilization’ was epitomized… But it’s SKYSCRAPERS EH? Well, dang it, I’m wrong again ---
**Author:** ![beagledave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@beagledave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beagledave)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/30 "2002-06-09T11:26:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rjung \* > \*\*Is Ann Coulter supposed to be the standard-bearer for American conservatism these days? > \*\* Well…in much the same way that Cynthia McKinney carefully and rationally articulates the liberal viewpoint. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Fionn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Fionn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fionn)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/31 "2002-06-09T11:55:05Z")
Ann Coulter? Cynthia McKinney? Hmm…did anyone else just see a great new reality show in the making? “What happens when people stop being polite, and start being really alarming?” Or, barring that, a really good _Celebrity Boxing_ ---
**Author:** ![Tranquilis](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tranquilis/32/3639_2.png) [@Tranquilis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tranquilis)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/32 "2002-06-09T12:47:06Z")
> [@](#): > > Or, barring that, a really good Celebrity Boxing _ **Cage Match!** _ ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/33 "2002-06-09T14:22:47Z")
> [@](#): > > thinking women this could NEVER be used to describe Ann Coulter. As for the Ann Coulter porn, that would make an interesting letters page for the republican party newsletter, Dear RPN, I never thought it would happen to me, but… ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/34 "2002-06-09T15:27:19Z")
I reiterate what I said in another thread: Ann Coulter brings to mind the comments of the narrator in _Fight Club_ about a member of his cancer support group. To wit, “Chloe . . . Chloe looked how Meryl Streep’s skeleton would look if you made it smile and walk around the party being extra nice to everyone.” ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/35 "2002-06-09T16:26:15Z")
In the interests of fairness, even-handedness and parity, someone should rise to Ms. Coulter’s defense. I will solemnly shoulder this burden… Rumors about Ms. Coulter’s childhood have been circulated, to the effect that when Ms. Coulter’s family moved to a new location, neighborhood pets began to mysteriously disappear. This rumor is reprehensible and false. In fact, to date there is no evidence that Ms. Coulter even _owns_ a blender. Further, there is no reason to believe she knows how to operate one. ---
**Author:** ![Big\_Kahuna\_Burger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Big\_Kahuna\_Burger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Big_Kahuna_Burger)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/36 "2002-06-09T16:43:15Z")
> [@](#): > > I reiterate what I said in another thread: Ann Coulter brings to mind the comments of the narrator in Fight Club about a member of his cancer support group. To wit, “Chloe . . . Chloe looked how Meryl Streep’s skeleton would look if you made it smile and walk around the party being extra nice to everyone.” I can see the resemblance to Meryl Streep’s skeleton, but being extra nice to everyone? [hijack time] If you get the DVD you get a cut scene with Chloe coming on to Jack. Hi-larious. Cynthia McKinney is currently losing 41-37 in a poll for her primary race against a state judge. We might be rid of this pox upon Congress just yet, but her dad runs the county’s political machine, making things tougher. [/hijack time] ---
**Author:** ![samclem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9a28c/32.png) [@samclem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samclem)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/37 "2002-06-09T16:50:21Z")
> [@](#): > > I am a dog person, not a cat person. I don’t want to go into a whole boring song and dance about the differences between cats and dogs. But I can assure you I would never put a dog in a blender, OK? That was Tony Kornheiser.🆒 ---
**Author:** ![stofsky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dfb087/32.png) [@stofsky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stofsky)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/38 "2002-06-09T16:53:17Z")
Hey!!! That was my [idea](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=2164871#post2164871) ! ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/39 "2002-06-09T19:47:40Z")
> [@](#): > > Yes, let’s harken back to the days of yesteryear, when any woman with a strong opinion was “hysterical” and in need of therapeutic uterus manipulation to calm her down. That’s just what you’re suggesting, just in different terms. Everything would be fine if Ann just got a little more dick. Let’s get a fake one, that’ll do. You’re assuming that people only feel this way about Ann because she’s a woman. Not true! A good nine inch dildo would do wonders for John Ashcroft, too. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2002, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992/40 "2002-06-09T22:35:33Z")
I would be willing to stuff a toothbrush up my nose and into my cerebellum if I could only expunge that image from my brain. Thanks for sharing, **Miller**. You perv. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-please-get-ann-coulter-a-shiny-new-dildo/112992.md?page=3)