# Somebody somewhere said something horribly offensive...and I'll share it! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 17, 2004, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586 "2004-07-17T15:43:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/21 "2004-07-20T13:30:33Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > I happen to have a work colleague who is a dwarf (replace it with whatever PC term currently in use in the US), and actually president of one of the major french association of (PC term), hence extremely sensitive about the issue. Should I avoid discussing the issue with him (until now he didn’t burst in tears nor threw rotten fruits at my face when I did, so he must somehow be able to handle my patronizing him)? Actually, who else could I find with whom it would be more appropriate and informative to discuss the issue? Fine, like I said, maybe it’s just my personal peeve. But I personally wouldn’t approach him and say, “Hey, my Dad says he wonders why dwarves aren’t euthanized at birth. What a dork, huh?” What would even be the point? > [@](#): > > Believe it or not, some are actually pissed off/irritated/frustrated when hearing statements which don’t target them personnally, especially when it comes from morons deeply stuck in their moronic ways, and unable to hold any kind of rational discussion. I admit, I do find it a tad hard to believe that a person could get so upset on behalf of what must be an abstract group to him. > [@](#): > > Then, you call a friend or write a message on an expectedly supportive message board, you feel better, and you go to bed. Ah. Supportive huh? I see the crux is that we have way different experiences & POV on and about this board. Thrusting Arabs, gays, and blacks as fodder into a debate is undoubtably going to draw enough members who will argue that Arabs should all be nuked, gays are sick, and blacks are stupid and worthless. Do you think those people go to bed feeling “supported” by the SDMB community? As two out of three, I’ll speak for myself and say no, I don’t. ---
**Author:** ![Brainiac4](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brainiac4/32/3534_2.png) [@Brainiac4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainiac4)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/22 "2004-07-20T15:18:05Z")
> [@pizzabrat](#): > > > [@Brainiac4](#): > > > > On your original point, I disagree. You seem to be saying, if I can figure it out from your second and somewhat more straightforward post, that posting about offensive stuff is \*\*just \*\* spreading it around. I don’t think that’s the case, especially not in this instance. > > How is that not the case? Discussing an annoying statement with a close friend is one thing, but broadcasting your cousin’s opinion that “short men are completely worthless” on a internet messageboard of tens of thousands is spreading it around, even if you roll your eyes as you do it. And if you happen to be 6’4" while doing so, it’s cowardly and patronizing (honestly, I wasn’t thinking a word as harsh as “cowardly” when I wrote this OP, but when **clairobscur** said it, Goddamnit, it fit!). Using third parties as abstract debate fodder is cowardly and patronizing - you’re speaking on behalf of other people while knowing as ugly as the discussion can get, you’ll never personally be scathed. I added bolding to the important word in my quote in hopes that you would see it this time. As to the rest of your strawman, you’re simply being either intentionally thick or a dickhead. > [@pizzabrat](#): > > > [@Brainiac4](#): > > > > I’ve been tempted myself to bring things that I found upsetting or offensive in real life to this forum, so that I can work them over with the help of others and maybe find a measure of accomodation, or perhaps some kindred souls who are likewise disgusted/affronted/shocked/whatever. > > Okay. It’s one thing to place your own ego in danger of a pecking party by the this board’s resident sadists (hi **Miller** & **Excalibre** ) by sharing something that hurt _you personally_, but spreading around something that’s just offensive to someone else, probably, soley to let everyone know that you disagree with that sentiment is just…_cowardly_. As above, you’re either being thick or purpose or simply being a dick. People disagree with you. Respond to their arguments and prove yourself worthy, or fail to do so and show yourself to be a dick. I would prefer that you do the former, but the choice is up to you. ---
**Author:** ![Brainiac4](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brainiac4/32/3534_2.png) [@Brainiac4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainiac4)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/23 "2004-07-20T15:31:36Z")
> [@pizzabrat](#): > > Fine, like I said, maybe it’s just my personal peeve. But I personally wouldn’t approach him and say, “Hey, my Dad says he wonders why dwarves aren’t euthanized at birth. What a dork, huh?” What would even be the point? This is an example of inflammatory speech on your part. I think you’re intending to show a parallel, but it rings false to me. As with your Death Spike thread, you’re showing a lack of talent with analogy and parallel. You should probably try to cut down on doing it. > [@pizzabrat](#): > > I admit, I do find it a tad hard to believe that a person could get so upset on behalf of what must be an abstract group to him. I don’t. It’s called compassion. > [@pizzabrat](#): > > Ah. Supportive huh? I see the crux is that we have way different experiences & POV on and about this board. Thrusting Arabs, gays, and blacks as fodder into a debate is undoubtably going to draw enough members who will argue that Arabs should all be nuked, gays are sick, and blacks are stupid and worthless. Do you think those people go to bed feeling “supported” by the SDMB community? As two out of three, I’ll speak for myself and say no, I don’t. You’re right in thinking that I don’t support you as a community member, but that has nothing do with with your ethnicity or sexual orientation. I don’t support you (or rather, I argue against you, which is much the same thing) because I disagree with you. That’s healthy. It’s not prejudiced (although I am starting to acquire a degree of prejudice regarding you as an individual; I now assume that you have poor debating skills but like to argue). And do you find the majority of members of this board arguing that “Arabs should all be nuked, gays are sick, and blacks are stupid and worthless”, or arguing against those views? People who espouse those views here are vilified for them (and rightly so). ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/24 "2004-07-20T15:46:57Z")
> [@pizzabrat](#): > > I admit, I do find it a tad hard to believe that a person could get so upset on behalf of what must be an abstract group to him. > . Maybe because, despite not being able to “walk in their shoes”, it’s not necessarily an “abstract group” for this person. He could, say, actually know quite well people belonging to this group. And you don’t even have to be related in any way to a group in order to feel something. People are upset when they hear about other people starving somewhere in the world, even though they are unlikely to ever starve or live in this place themselves. People on this board are feel passionately about a lot of issues they aren’t directly involved in. How many Palestinians are there on this board? How comes there are so heated debates about the Palestinian issue? How many only manage to get by using foodstamps or are homeless (some SDMB posters used to be)? How comes there are so many debates about these issues, once again? Once again, I feel there’s something segregationnist, an “us and them” stance in your comments. I also am quite worried by your inability to even grasp the concept that people could actually care for/be upset by something which doesn’t affect them personnally. Let me tell you that at this point it makes me suspect that it reflects your personnality, which wouldn’t be a good thing in my book. ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/25 "2004-07-20T17:29:00Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > I also am quite worried by your inability to even grasp the concept that people could actually care for/be upset by something which doesn’t affect them personnally. Let me tell you that at this point it makes me suspect that it reflects your personnality, which wouldn’t be a good thing in my book. Okay, I take that comment back. What I wish I said is that I sometimes distrust some posters’ display of sympathy especially when they feel so comfortable stirring up discussion about certain things where discussion is pointless. Talking about horrors in Iraq spreads important awareness about those horrors, and encourages real debate about it. Telling everybody what your crazy sister said about fat women just spreads her comments around. ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/26 "2004-07-20T17:35:53Z")
> [@Brainiac4](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Originally Posted by pizzabrat > > Fine, like I said, maybe it’s just my personal peeve. But I personally wouldn’t approach him and say, “Hey, my Dad says he wonders why dwarves aren’t euthanized at birth. What a dork, huh?” What would even be the point? > > This is an example of inflammatory speech on your part. I think you’re intending to show a parallel, but it rings false to me. As with your Death Spike thread, you’re showing a lack of talent with analogy and parallel. Why is it such a bad parallel? Euthanasia of infants with conditions like dwarfism isn’t something I made up, so it’s not unfathomable that someone would support it in the U.S. Posters here like to share stuff like that all the time, which is what I’m ranting against. ---
**Author:** ![Ryle\_Dup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ryle\_Dup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryle_Dup)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/27 "2004-07-20T22:31:50Z")
> [@pizzabrat](#): > > Okay, I take that comment back. What I wish I said is that I sometimes distrust some posters’ display of sympathy especially when they feel so comfortable stirring up discussion about certain things where discussion is pointless. Talking about horrors in Iraq spreads important awareness about those horrors, and encourages real debate about it. Telling everybody what your crazy sister said about fat women just spreads her comments around. That’s such a load of crap, one reason to spread her comments around is to show how ridiculous they are. You seem to be in the camp of mass-censorship, why can’t you let individuals censor themselves? Why are you so patronizing and assuming that they are frail and get hurt by the slightest mention of anyone being offensive? ---
**Author:** ![pizzabrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e9c0ed/32.png) [@pizzabrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pizzabrat)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2004, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/28 "2004-07-20T23:21:22Z")
> [@Ryle Dup](#): > > That’s such a load of crap, one reason to spread her comments around is to show how ridiculous they are. > > You seem to be in the camp of mass-censorship, why can’t you let individuals censor themselves? Why are you so patronizing and assuming that they are frail and get hurt by the slightest mention of anyone being offensive? If we had an edit function, I’d put “(mild)” in my title. I’m merely annoyed by this specific board’s (as I’ve never seen this phenomenon on any other board I’ve been to) penchant for sharing whatever crazy, horrible thing its members happened to stumble upon, and wish that social graces would restrict a person from extending the life of an overheard boorish comment past himself. It’s not a totalitarian censorship thing, I’m just questioning the politeness of this practice. Haven’t you ever heard anyone say “which I won’t even repeat here!”? That’s the mindset I’m coming from. And it’s not just entire threads I’m talking about - sometimes these things just sideswipe a guy out of nowhere. The discussion could be about what to bring on a picnic and then suddenly someone will repeat some outrageous nasty comment somebody somewhere said and I think “Well did we _all_ have to hear about it?”. If I could search for “actually said that” on this board (I can’t), I could provide a bunch of good examples. ---
**Author:** ![Brainiac4](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brainiac4/32/3534_2.png) [@Brainiac4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainiac4)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/29 "2004-07-21T00:12:44Z")
> [@pizzabrat](#): > > Why is it such a bad parallel? Euthanasia of infants with conditions like dwarfism isn’t something I made up, so it’s not unfathomable that someone would support it in the U.S. Posters here like to share stuff like that all the time, which is what I’m ranting against. It’s a bad parallel because what \*\*clairobscur \*\*did is: - repeat statements made to him/her\* to a general audience of people who discuss things like racism and intolerance and have an agreement to be civil about it and fight this kind of ignorance You, on the other hand, are suggesting that you’d: - walk up to a person in the group being insulted and convey the insult Do you see why this is a bad parallel? I suspect that, since you have indicated that you’re in one of the groups being disparaged by the comments relayed, you feel that \*\*clair \*\*was doing what you’re suggesting about in your example. Except that she’s not. She’s assuming nothing about you, other than that you’re a member of this community. The intent is different, and intent matters. - I still don’t know, **clair**. I’m just going to assume you’re female because it’s easier. Feel free to correct me. Or you can follow the example of the OP and get huffy about it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/30 "2004-07-21T00:48:07Z")
> [@Brainiac4](#): > > - I still don’t know, **clair**. I’m just going to assume you’re female because it’s easier. BUZZZZ!!! ---
**Author:** ![Brainiac4](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brainiac4/32/3534_2.png) [@Brainiac4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainiac4)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2004, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586/31 "2004-07-21T03:54:14Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > BUZZZZ!!! See, I’m still confused. My first thought was “Oh, the 'bzzzzt, thanks for playing” sound." Then I thought “maybe it’s the ‘You are correct, sir!’ sound.” So you’re a guy. I guess. And… not huffy? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somebody-somewhere-said-something-horribly-offensive-and-ill-share-it/255586.md?page=1)