# Someone is not interested in you, and you keep bothering her. Why? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 4, 2009, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357 "2009-11-04T23:50:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/21 "2009-11-05T02:14:47Z")
> [@handsomeharry](#): > > Aha! I finally found you!!! I knew that if I kept searching, searching… Damn it all! I even moved 2500 miles away!! > [@](#): > > Not really. Just joking. > hh Ah, well carry on then. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/22 "2009-11-05T02:27:08Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > From your posts you seem perfectly comfortable being mean to people, so in your case the men are just assholes. Ha ha, awesome. Thanks. 🙂 > [@](#): > > Generally speaking it’s because women are bad at rejecting men. I had an intern this summer who was whining about a guy who kept pursing her. I asked how she was rejecting him and she said she’d say things like “thanks but I can’t, maybe some other time”. That’s not a rejection. Sure, if it were me, I’d get the picture after a couple tries. But Most men are grown ups. “No Thanks” would be sufficient for us so we can move the fuck on. > > But in your case, they’re definitely just assholes. I usually try to start subtle, and hope he gets the hint, but when that doesn’t work (which is often) I take the “Thanks, but no thanks” route. I never give any indication that I might be interested in the future. If that still doesn’t work, with clear frustration, “Stop. I do not like you at all. Do not pursue this.” When that doesn’t work (Can you believe there are still people here at this point?) I’ll be explicit about why I do not like the guy, which usually turns out coming across quite mean. If that still doesn’t work (I’m serious), I’ll reiterate the reasons why I’m not interested, making it clear that I’m rather pissed this person continues to harass me, and that finally gets people to go away. Everyone except this guy. Six fucking years, my gods. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/23 "2009-11-05T02:27:39Z")
In a lot of cases it’s wounded pride. I see it all the time here, among guys and gals both: they were rejected (or worse, dumped) and it’s probably the first big occasion in life where someone has appeared to say to them, “you’re not good enough”. ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/24 "2009-11-05T02:43:24Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Ha ha, awesome. Thanks. 🙂 I usually try to start subtle, and hope he gets the hint, but when that doesn’t work (which is often) I take the “Thanks, but no thanks” route. I never give any indication that I might be interested in the future. If that still doesn’t work, with clear frustration, “Stop. I do not like you at all. Do not pursue this.” When that doesn’t work (Can you believe there are still people here at this point?) I’ll be explicit about why I do not like the guy, which usually turns out coming across quite mean. If that still doesn’t work (I’m serious), I’ll reiterate the reasons why I’m not interested, making it clear that I’m rather pissed this person continues to harass me, and that finally gets people to go away. Everyone except this guy. Six fucking years, my gods. Well, I’ll be honest - I saw that witch costume picture and I can see why a guy might figure it’s worth one more try. I think my guy friends - young, successful, confident - are all pretty much unanimous that we would like nothing better than to find out quickly when you’re not interested so we can move on. I really don’t get the mindset of why anyone would waste time on someone who isn’t interested. For what it’s worth, I’m a little unique in that I can’t stand anyone wasting my time. Big personal quirk of mine. It doesn’t really matter if it’s a woman who is too nice to give me a clear answer or a doctor making me wait for him. It just drives me up the wall. ---
**Author:** ![Cesario](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecae2f/32.png) [@Cesario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cesario)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/25 "2009-11-05T03:10:10Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Well, I’ll be honest - I saw that witch costume picture and I can see why a guy might figure it’s worth one more try. I think my guy friends - young, successful, confident - are all pretty much unanimous that we would like nothing better than to find out quickly when you’re not interested so we can move on. I really don’t get the mindset of why anyone would waste time on someone who isn’t interested. > > For what it’s worth, I’m a little unique in that I can’t stand anyone wasting my time. Big personal quirk of mine. It doesn’t really matter if it’s a woman who is too nice to give me a clear answer or a doctor making me wait for him. It just drives me up the wall. People failing to make themselves clear immediately, relying on my not-always-up-to-par intuition and psychic abilities to know they aren’t interested drives me crazy too. Immediately skipping to the “I’m not interested and here’s what I don’t like about you.” stage would save me a hell of a lot of time, not to mention being both more clear and more constructive. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/26 "2009-11-05T05:01:16Z")
I’ve “worn down” a few women in my life… Certain cues I pick up on tho". If you tell me to “fuck off” then five minutes later engage with me in conversation (about whatever); it kind of tells me you’re just playing hard to get. In my younger days showing an ounce of emotion to me is like a drop of blood in the water to a shark. The guy in the OP is a flat out psychopath. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/27 "2009-11-05T06:50:20Z")
> [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](#): > > Well, I’ll be honest - I saw that witch costume picture and I can see why a guy might figure it’s worth one more try. I can assure you, my standard attire does not include high heels or fishnets. > [@](#): > > I think my guy friends - young, successful, confident - are all pretty much unanimous that we would like nothing better than to find out quickly when you’re not interested so we can move on. I really don’t get the mindset of why anyone would waste time on someone who isn’t interested. Well yeah. I’d like to fancy myself a fairly confident person, but confident or not, don’t we all hate rejection? If someone turned me down, I’d stop pursuing him because 1) I don’t want to waste my time, and 2) I would imagine being rebuffed over and over again would be humiliating and painful. > [@Shakes](#): > > The guy in the OP is a flat out psychopath. Yes. Yes, he is. Fucking lords, there has been no rejection/flirtatious topsy turvy like what you describe with this person. When someone blocks your phone, e-mail and eight different screen names _after_ rejecting you multiple times in an increasingly blunt and insensitive matter, you should either leave that person alone or seek some serious help. What can someone even do in this situation? Call the cops and say, “There’s this guy who used to bug me a lot, but now only bothers me intermittently, and it’s always online these days since I’ve changed my number. It’s only been going on since Jesus, but the frequency has at least decreased.”? I’d be laughed out of town. This thread scares me, I must say. The fact that people have been stalked to the point of filing restraining orders before eventually giving in is insanity to me. I’d sooner shoot someone in the balls than give in to this type of shit. Every time a someone relents to this type of barely humane power-stalking, the gods smite an entire village, and 10,000 jackanapes are emboldened to behave this way. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/28 "2009-11-05T08:03:41Z")
“I am going to work hard to make you understand that I love you more than your new girl ever will. Why can’t you see that I love you the most? If you understood how much I love you, you would love me too and call me back.” - From a love letter from my 16-year-old daughter to her ex, which she left on the coffee table two nights ago. ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/29 "2009-11-05T08:09:14Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > but confident or not, don’t we all hate rejection? For some people, there’s that difference between “hate rejection” and “unwilling/unable to _accept_ rejection”. You’ve said I’m not good enough, and if I give up, then I’m admitting that it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/30 "2009-11-05T08:33:00Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Not you specifically (unless you do this), but I can’t understand the logic behind this and need to know what can possibly be going on in the minds of these crazy people. If someone rejected me, I’d feel too embarassed to keep going back to face more rejection. Is this some kind of revenge tactic? Make the person who made you feel bad feel bad? > > Here’s why I ask. So I was reconfiguring my preferences on AIM when I notice a privacy tab. I click on it then remember, oh yeah, those are the people I’ve blocked. There are 9 user names on that list. 8 of them are the same guy. I originally met this douche _six years ago_, and the most recent time he decided to bug me with a new name was in July. This means for _six years_ this idiot has kept me on the buddy list of 8 different screen names and has bothered me. > > Anybody care to shed some light on the possible motivations for this kind of lunacy? No need to stick with my particular example, but why in general would anyone continue to pester someone who has so clearly, thoroughly and repeatedly rejected him? Maybe he can finally get into your pants. You never know. Don’t think about it in terms of rationality or feelings or respect or whatever. Maybe he can finally get into your pants. ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/31 "2009-11-05T08:35:23Z")
> [@](#): > > No need to stick with my particular example, but why in general would anyone continue to pester someone who has so clearly, thoroughly and repeatedly rejected him? Profound Asperger’s Syndrome maybe? There are some people with such profound Asperger’s (extreme social cluelessness) that they think ANY sign of interest from someone means that they are FRIENDS! Anything but the most obvious rejection will not keep them down. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/32 "2009-11-05T08:38:44Z")
> [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](#): > > Profound Asperger’s Syndrome maybe? > There are some people with such profound Asperger’s (extreme social cluelessness) that they think ANY sign of interest from someone means that they are FRIENDS! Anything but the most obvious rejection will not keep them down. I know many people with Aspberger’s-spectrum disorders and this doesn’t strike me as Aspberger’s behaviour. Probably something else, like OCD. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/33 "2009-11-05T08:42:29Z")
From the title of this thread I thought it’d be about asking a woman out more than once or something like that. But setting up 8 different AIM handles to talk to a woman who considers you a douche is a little weird. People get chemically addicted to each other. That is how we manage to stand each other long enough to raise children. You need the soothing, addicting, rose colored pablum of love to form the kinds of bonds necessary to raise children. But like with any other drug, it can really mess you up. You end up loving the wrong person. Something like 98% of people have either felt or had someone else feel unrequited love for them. The guy probably has low self esteem. Chemically addicted to the wrong person or not (almost everyone has been there on one side of the issue or the other), why would you pursue a woman who considers you an idiot or douche unless you had a really poor opinion of yourself? I can understand rejection, but contempt is something else. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/34 "2009-11-05T09:56:22Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > “I am going to work hard to make you understand that I love you more than your new girl ever will. Why can’t you see that I love you the most? If you understood how much I love you, you would love me too and call me back.” > > - From a love letter from my 16-year-old daughter to her ex, which she left on the coffee table two nights ago. She’s Avril Lavigne’s lyricist? **Wesley Clark** , that explanation doesn’t work for people who’ve only met you online or talked with you on the phone. There’s no chemical component there. In one of my brother’s jobs, it was his job to call a specific customer because whenever the customer got to speak with bro’s female boss, he’d hit on her. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 10:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/35 "2009-11-05T10:45:37Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I can assure you, my standard attire does not include high heels or fishnets. Well yeah. I’d like to fancy myself a fairly confident person, but confident or not, don’t we all hate rejection? If someone turned me down, I’d stop pursuing him because 1) I don’t want to waste my time, and 2) I would imagine being rebuffed over and over again would be humiliating and painful. > > Yes. Yes, he is. Fucking lords, there has been no rejection/flirtatious topsy turvy like what you describe with this person. When someone blocks your phone, e-mail and eight different screen names _after_ rejecting you multiple times in an increasingly blunt and insensitive matter, you should either leave that person alone or seek some serious help. What can someone even do in this situation? Call the cops and say, “There’s this guy who used to bug me a lot, but now only bothers me intermittently, and it’s always online these days since I’ve changed my number. It’s only been going on since Jesus, but the frequency has at least decreased.”? I’d be laughed out of town. > > This thread scares me, I must say. The fact that people have been stalked to the point of filing restraining orders before eventually giving in is insanity to me. I’d sooner shoot someone in the balls than give in to this type of shit. Every time a someone relents to this type of barely humane power-stalking, the gods smite an entire village, and 10,000 jackanapes are emboldened to behave this way. Shit on a stick, I got a restraining order on an ex, and he kept stalking me after we moved to Connecticut. When I went to the police I was told they wouldn’t do anything until he actually got caught doing something to me here. The one time he tried forcing me off the road up here, nobody was around to witness it and they still wouldn’t do anything about it. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/36 "2009-11-05T11:16:57Z")
There’s a regular at the bar I work at who’s at least 20 years my senior, who is in no way/shape/form what any woman would call “attractive,” who persists in telling me the many ways in which he would “take care of me” etc. if he were my boyfriend. In spite of the fact that I’ve told him a MILLION times I already have one, and that we’ve been together over two years, and this guy doesn’t have a chance in hell. So the other day he was talking to a co-worker, who happens to be one of my best friends, and my name comes up, and he asks her, “So does Audrey REALLY have a boyfriend?” Which means he assumes that I made up my boyfriend in order to put him off. Which means in some other universe that he still has a chance…??? I don’t know exactly what else I can do to discourage this guy, other than scream obscenities at him and get him thrown out of the bar. (Which my boss would probably not endorse.) People are weird. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/37 "2009-11-05T13:58:09Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > People get chemically addicted to each other. That is how we manage to stand each other long enough to raise children. To grow an addiction after hanging out once is a bit quick, I’d say. > [@](#): > > The guy probably has low self esteem. Chemically addicted to the wrong person or not (almost everyone has been there on one side of the issue or the other), why would you pursue a woman who considers you an idiot or douche unless you had a really poor opinion of yourself? I can understand rejection, but contempt is something else. I thought he was kind of dumb from the beginning, but still a nice enough and decent person. That quickly changed after I realized what a batshit stalker he was. > [@aruvqan](#): > > Shit on a stick, I got a restraining order on an ex, and he kept stalking me after we moved to Connecticut. When I went to the police I was told they wouldn’t do anything until he actually got caught doing something to me here. The one time he tried forcing me off the road up here, nobody was around to witness it and they still wouldn’t do anything about it. Good grief, do people usually opt to commit their crimes before a squad of police cars, or what? ---
**Author:** ![badbadrubberpiggy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/57b2e6/32.png) [@badbadrubberpiggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/badbadrubberpiggy)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/38 "2009-11-05T14:22:49Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > This thread scares me, I must say. The fact that people have been stalked to the point of filing restraining orders before eventually giving in is insanity to me. I’d sooner shoot someone in the balls than give in to this type of shit. Every time a someone relents to this type of barely humane power-stalking, the gods smite an entire village, and 10,000 jackanapes are emboldened to behave this way. Have you every seen the documentary [Crazy Love](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0790706/)? Now THAT is insanity. Spoilers: Basically, the guy gets the girl, girl breaks up with the guy, he stalks her, finally pays someone to throw acid in her face, disfiguring her and mostly blinding her. So then the guy she was currently engaged to breaks up with her. Years later, they get back together and eventually get married ETA: oops, should’ve perviewed. Sorry if I spoiled that for anyone! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/39 "2009-11-05T16:16:48Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > “I am going to work hard to make you understand that I love you more than your new girl ever will. Why can’t you see that I love you the most? If you understood how much I love you, you would love me too and call me back.” > > - From a love letter from my 16-year-old daughter to her ex, which she left on the coffee table two nights ago. Yikes. I don’t mean to be harsh, but if you haven’t had a talk to her about healthy relationships, including emotional abuse, you need to pronto. Don’t get me wrong, 16-year-ols are known for dramatics and shitty poetry, but not only would this behavior be just as freaky if you’d found the same letter from her own ex, if she thinks this is appropriate and a sign of love coming from her, she likely thinks the same goes coming from anyone she dates in the future. (Hopes that’s not too confusing.) As for the OP, I think it’s a bit of a holdover from a time when no ‘lady’ would dare show interest before the 100th attempt, kind of like how you’re not even allowed to accept a glass of water from your host until the third offer in some cultures. If these guys think only a whore would admit reciprocity when it comes to lust or love, they’ve got to wear you down to prove they’re sincere and to ‘let’ you show your affection. It’s a shame, because there are cute, non-threatening guys who manage to hit on women constantly and flirt shamelessly and never pose a threat or overstep their boundaries (think Jack Tripper, slightly modernized). It’s been recommended a million times, but [The Gift of Fear](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_gift_of_fear) offers some great insight into what some stalkers are thinking, as well as some of things women are conditioned to do that can egg them on e.g. letting them down lightly. ---
**Author:** ![Blaster\_Master](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/cab0a1/32.png) [@Blaster\_Master](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blaster_Master)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2009, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357/40 "2009-11-05T16:49:32Z")
There’s a few possibilities at play when a guy seems to keep bothering a girl. One thing which has happened to me on a few occassions, is that a girl thinks she’s been clear, but is really sending mixed signals. A lot of this sort of stuff comes from girls not wanting to hurt a guy, but really, I’d rather have a straight up rejection and the immediate disappointment, than think things are going okay, put in more effort, just to find out in a roundabout way, then not only face that rejection, but also the additional wasted effort that went into it. So, women, seriously, if you’re not interested, don’t say “I had a good time, we should do this again” and then be evasive when I try to set up another date. Instead, say “I had a good time, but I don’t think we should see eachother again because…” He may disagree with your reasoning a little bit, but as long as you’re straightforward and he’s not dense, that’ll be the end of it. Also, when you give an explanation, don’t make it something mutable either. If you say you don’t have time, that leaves hope that when you do have time, you’d be open to seeing him again. Instead, give the real reason, tell him that there isn’t chemistry, that you’re not attracted to him. Also, the whole “I have a boyfriend” thing, at least for some guys, is similar because it might imply that “if I didn’t have a boyfriend, I would date you” so they might try to prove they’re better than him or wait and hope you two break up. If you’re in a commited relationship, don’t be apologetic about it and be clear that you’re very happy in that relationship. And, of course, there’s things that make it worse. The whole hard to get thing? Stop that! Seriously, if a guy is picking you up at a bar for some casual sex, that might make sense since, for some people, those sorts of encounters are about “the hunt”, but in any other circumstance it isn’t. If I get a rejection, I assume either it’s legitimate, or she’s playing that sort of game with me which means I’m not interested. Other guys have a hard time determining when it’s a legitimate no and when it’s just playing hard to get. Besides, put yourself in his shoes, if she’s playing hard to get, the effort will pay off; if it’s legitimate, he wasn’t going to end up with her anyway, so if he comes off as a bit of a creep, he doesn’t lose anything. Unfortunately, there are some guys who will pester endlessly because, well, sometimes it works. It doesn’t help that there’s romance novels and movies where a guy is borderline stalking a girl before he ends up with her. And, of course, the cost-benefit is the same as with playing hard to get. If he pesters her endlessly, she may eventualy give in; if not, well, he doesn’t lose anything. It sounds like the guy from OP is the last case. Foruntately for the OP, it’s on AIM, and it’s easy to block the guy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-not-interested-in-you-and-you-keep-bothering-her-why/516357.md?page=3)