# Someone is physically harming your loved one. What do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 27, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298 "2013-12-27T18:02:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SerafinaPekala](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SerafinaPekala](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SerafinaPekala)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/21 "2013-12-27T23:42:07Z")
> [@gracer](#): > > Once, the father of 2 wonderful girls I was working with showed up on our doorstep, at the children’s home. He’d abused them in indescribable ways, they’d had to have operations. > > When they heard his voice, they both hid under the bed and wet themselves in terror. > > I took one of the older boys to the gate, with a machete. But I swear it was unnecessary. I was ready to rip his lungs out through his throat. I can barely type this because thinking about it makes me shake with rage. I never felt such strength running through me. > > I told him to run. Then I set the dog on him. > > Thankfully we will never know if I could have taken him. Thankfully for him, because I could. And those girls know it too. Good on ye, gracer. I have respect. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2013, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/22 "2013-12-27T23:59:10Z")
If my wife were being seriously attacked, I hope I’d have the sense to call 911 before jumping in. Because I would jump in, despite having no illusions about my fighting ability, which was pretty lousy when I was young and strong, 40 years ago. It’s unlikely that I would be able to save the day, but some things are embedded deeply, like doing what you can to come to the aid of your woman. The interior cost of failing to do so is greater than the cost of getting the living shit kicked out of me. And assuming we both survived, we would have a future together if and only if I did my best to save her, regardless of the futility of my efforts. ---
**Author:** ![Gray\_Ghost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c0e974/32.png) [@Gray\_Ghost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gray_Ghost)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/23 "2013-12-28T00:12:03Z")
**Idle Thoughts** , people who are likely to try to settle their differences with violence—such as the people beating up your loved one in your hypothetical—are probably a lot more experienced at it than you are. Or than I am, for that matter. I haven’t had a fight since elementary school and haven’t sparred in martial arts class for about 15 years now. Someone with more practice is going to be better at a skill than someone who isn’t, motivated or not. I am not ‘likes-to-fight guy.’ I’m probably going to get my ass whipped or worse if I try to physically attack a thug(s) who has done this before. So, avoid the fight in the first place ( **E7T** ’s staying in condition yellow helps with this). If you can’t, try to get you and your loved one out of the area as fast as possible. If you can’t, call 911 to summon help. Get the good guys to start showing up. Summon help from the crowd/bouncers/friends. And then do your level best to get the thugs off of him/her. You’re probably going to get hurt real bad. Which is why, if you absolutely cannot avoid a fight, and you feel your loved one is at risk of serious bodily injury, I’d follow **Quartz** / **Silenus** ’s advice and stop the fight that way. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/24 "2013-12-28T01:01:38Z")
Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil, for I am the baddest motherfucker in the valley. We may not all be created equal, but Henry Colt sought to make us so, and in 1911 he gave us the automatic .45 calibre handgun to make it so. And it was so. ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/25 "2013-12-28T01:43:21Z")
So how long do you wait for help to arrive before intervening on behalf of your loved one’s safety? ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/26 "2013-12-28T05:12:02Z")
I would take on a 10 ft man with a machete, to say a loved one. All 100 lbs of screaming hormones would be unstoppable. Not in the ‘he couldn’t defeat me’ sense. In the, ‘I couldn’t help myself’ sense. It’s who I am. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/27 "2013-12-28T06:27:51Z")
> [@Odesio](#): > > So how long do you wait for help to arrive before intervening on behalf of your loved one’s safety? There isn’t any magic number. ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/28 "2013-12-28T07:07:34Z")
I’m big, but I ain’t too tough, unfortunately. That’s why I’d like to think that I’d be civilized enough to blow the creep(s) away or come up with some other weapon. Of course, if somebody was assaulting a loved one of mine, I don’t think that I’d dirty my hands even trying to administer justice. Just use a weapon. Why tire myself in giving somebody what they so roundly deserve?? ---
**Author:** ![scratch\_llll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@scratch\_llll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scratch_llll)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/29 "2013-12-28T10:25:47Z")
I’ve been in fights and, though any fight can take any turn, commitment does make a difference. Someone experienced may also be over confident. As long as you don’t take a direct blow hard enough to knock you out or a hook hard enough to make the world spin then you stand a decent chance to punch them in the throat, gouge an eye out or score a field goal with thier testes. I’ve taken blows hard enough to black both eyes and bust both lips but never felt them. The one that upsets your inner ear is the hard one to get over and all you can do then is cover and try to back peddle without falling. Best to fully commit and break fingers or whatever you have to. Don’t expect they will go down easy either though. But why the hell don’t guys carry a pocket knife anymore? Nobody has to open a box or sharpen a pencil or cut a fishing line anymore? Mine is always in my pocket and though the only time I would ever gut anyone like a deer is when a loved one is in danger I know I could. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/30 "2013-12-28T19:35:10Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Do you think you could successfully save a loved one in a fight with one or many people? I’d defend my wife or children’s lives at risk of my own. Their lives are worth more than mine to me. I’ve never lost a spouse, but I have lost a child, and there’s nothing worse. I’d much rather be dead than know I let my child or wife die without trying to save them. ---
**Author:** ![TheBori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ee7513/32.png) [@TheBori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheBori)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/31 "2013-12-28T19:54:36Z")
The situation set up the OP was defined as someone is in the act of physically harming…not threatening, not following you, actually doing harm. The last fight I was in was in 5th grade. I tried to punch the kid and I missed. That said, Gracer described it best…shaking with rage. The discussions here are all too reasonable and academic “am I bigger then they are”…“How many are there…” “I’d go get help…”. If one of my children or my wife were being harmed I would not think, hesitate or otherwise rationally evaluate the situation. You scoop their eyes out with your fingers, you bite, scratch, punch, kick…and you don’t stop. I could very easily see myself pounding an attacker’s face long after he’s stopped moving. with absolutely no guilt or remorse. I can’t see anyone in that situation going for help. I don’t know the family situations of the respondents here, but if you have children…there is no thinking, only reaction. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/32 "2013-12-28T20:08:06Z")
Not to sound like an “internet tough guy,” but I am not a large man by any stretch, in fact I am certainly below-average (I’m Chinese, what can I do?), and I’ve been in quite a few fights in my life and I’m hard as nails; I have every confidence I can take out at least 3 grown men on my own. Five or more I’d probably be in trouble, but my strategy in that case would be to hurt the first couple dudes so badly that hopefully the rest will run away. ---
**Author:** ![GusNSpot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gusnspot/32/436_2.png) [@GusNSpot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GusNSpot)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/33 "2013-12-28T21:04:47Z")
CCW, all the time, everywhere, she does too. The decision has already been made, no hesitation. Military experience on one side. Too old to take a beating, not too old to give one. Anyone attack her adult children or their children, nothing stops until they are dead.Will use anything or do anything to kill as fast as we can. When someone opens the door to violence, it is really silly for them to be surprised at how much comes in. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/34 "2013-12-28T21:12:56Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I’d go for help. The only loved one I have who is still alive is my brother… Because they killed the others?!:eek: ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/35 "2013-12-28T21:41:24Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Probably…the main question, though, is…do you think your will and determination of saving a loved one would make it more possible to win? In my experience, yes, being eager to fight to the death makes it more possible to win. For differing values of “win”, obviously. The idea is to get them to concentrate on me and give my loved one (wife, daughter, son, friend, whatever) a chance to escape and call the cops. If it takes them thirty extra seconds to beat me up, fine, that’s long enough to let them get away. And it usually takes longer than that to disable someone who is insane, which is the mindset to cultivate in a fight of this sort, such that I could no longer fight. Even if you break my nose or my jaw or my ribs, I can still gouge out your eyes, do a crush-grab on your testicles, etc. And if you threaten my family, then those kinds of things are going to be my preferred tactics. In the defense of the family, men are dispensable, especially after you have reproduced (and provided for the family after death, as I have done with my investments and insurance and so forth). So if I die in defense of my wife or daughter or son, that’s sad, but it’s what men are for. And you will have to kill me. There was a Chinese regiment some time back. They had a motto which puts forth the idea. "We use the rife. When our bullets are gone, we use the bayonet. When the bayonet is broken, we use the barrel. When the barrel is bent, we use our fists. When our fists are broken, we bite." Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2013, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/36 "2013-12-28T21:48:36Z")
> [@TheBori](#): > > I don’t know the family situations of the respondents here, but if you have children…there is no thinking, only reaction. I should have included this in my earlier post, because it is quite true. There was a thread a few years back that eventually wound up talking about how parents reacted to perceived threats to their children. I posted a story about how it was kind of frightening to me how immediately I changed from a moderately civilized human being into a bloodthirsty psychopath from a pretty mild instance where my son was endangered by others. I like to think of myself as relatively mild mannered - but lay a hand on one of mine, and you draw back a bloody stump. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/37 "2013-12-29T00:46:02Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > This. The joy of concealed carry. I am in a wheelchair, and female, the epitome of helpless and useless looking. I also have a CC permit, and frequently carry and I know how and when to consider shooting. Although the question did pop once - there is an occasional exercise that used to occur where an assigned group would ‘kidnap’ people as part of training, and mrAru asked me what would happen if I saw someone apparently kidnap him while he was out at the mailbox or dealing with some of the critters. Without hesitation if it appeared that someone was kidnapping or even assaulting him, they would die. No ifs, ands or buts. The same goes for if we are out on the town - someone starts pushing us around, they will seriously regret it. I am frail enough that I will not risk getting punched out. Back when I was healthy I had no trouble with taking a punch and was physically durable but at this time with the damage to my neck and osteopenia, joint damage and assorted other infirmities I simply will not risk it any longer. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/38 "2013-12-29T02:26:37Z")
Simple answer to the OP - ‘Go to my grave defending them - using any and all means I have at my disposal - nothing short of my own death will stop me.’ ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/39 "2013-12-29T03:09:27Z")
> [@Idle\_Thoughts](#): > > Let’s say someone or a group of someones is harming a loved one of yours. > > What do you do? First, I’d try to find out what’s going on. Hate to say it but everyone’s someone’s loved one. If I come out of the men’s room and see a bunch of people wrestling my good buddy [Dzhokhar Tsarnaev](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/01/boston-bombing-death-penalty_n_4367908.html) to the ground because they just caught his pic on CNN while I was in there, a “what’s up” is in order before I start laying into his assailants. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298/40 "2013-12-29T17:33:12Z")
> [@PSXer](#): > > I would call the police and deal with it through proper legal channels > > there is never a reason for violence So you would pass the responsibility for violence on. What do you think law enforcement is for? Hint- the term containce the word FORCE. “there is never a reason for violence”- Of all the stupid dangerous nonsense that people prattle thinking they are being high-minded, that is among the worse. To the OP- I would do what I could, hopefully help the person escape, even more hopefully but more dubiously, fight the attacker off. I’m pretty much physically useless unless adrenoline would throw me into a Hulk-like rage & I could throw my massive girth into it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-is-physically-harming-your-loved-one-what-do-you-do/677298.md?page=3)