# Someone of the wrong gender makes a polite-but-serious pass at you. Are you bothered or flattered?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [April 2, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771 "2010-04-02T20:34:42Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/1 "2010-04-02T20:34:42Z")
By _wrong gender_, I mean male if you’re a straight male, female if you’re a gay male, female if you’re a straight female, and male if you’re a lesbian. I see no way to let the bisexuals play.
By _polite but serious_, I mean that the person is genuinely interested in rocking your world, but isn’t hugely aggressive or creepy about it; they simply let you know that, if you’re willing, they’d be happy to give you an orgasm or three at your earliest convenience, but as soon as you say, “Sorry, wrong gender,” they reply, “Well, that’s too bad. You have a good night now!”
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### Author:  [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/2 "2010-04-02T20:40:45Z")
Slightly flattered, I suppose. It’s really only happened to me once, with a guy who seemed drunk or high on something, and who I hadn’t met before. Since it was at my home, and my wife was there too, nothing was ever going to happen. I suspect that he may have wanted money from me, but he never said so explicitly. However, eventually it got a bit annoying, so I got him to leave.
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### Author:  [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/3 "2010-04-02T20:43:03Z")
I voted for flattered & it would depend. I at first intended only the first, as it’s never bothered me when gay men have made passes at me; but then it occurred to me that if a much younger male did so, I’d be concerned.
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### Author:  [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/4 "2010-04-02T20:45:37Z")
Straight, and I would be bothered or flattered. More like bemused.
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### Author:  [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/5 "2010-04-02T20:45:41Z")
I’m always flattered, because usually the people who are interested are awesome on a stick with a side of awesome sauce.
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### Author:  [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/6 "2010-04-02T20:50:08Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#):
>
> I’m always flattered, because usually the people who are interested are awesome on a stick with a side of awesome sauce.
Yay, I’m awesome!
It’s happened to me a few times and I thought it was kind of nice.
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### Author:  [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/7 "2010-04-02T20:51:02Z")
I said “Flattered” but the truth would be closer to “surprised” with a side of “Really? I thought most gay guys had better taste than that.”
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### Author:  [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/8 "2010-04-02T21:05:31Z")
I said “I’m a straight male, and it would depend on \”
It’s happened to me twice and the first time I was bothered and the second time I was flattered.
I was bothered because the guy doing the asking was a good twenty years older than me and knew I was straight (and engaged at the time).
The second time I was flattered because the guy was more age-appropriate and actually seemed genuinely interested in me. Then he saw the wedding ring.
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### Author:  [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/9 "2010-04-02T21:18:09Z")
It’s happened to me several times. When I was younger, especially, I used to get cruised with some frequency, for some reason. It makes me mildly uncomfortable, but it also makes me mildly uncomfortable to be hit on or flirted with by women. The degree of discomfort depends on the degree of aggressiveness (for either gender).
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### Author:  [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/10 "2010-04-02T21:20:27Z")
Gay male and I voted other. I wouldn’t really be flattered or bothered. I’d mostly just be amused. It suprises me when people can’t tell.
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### Author:  [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/11 "2010-04-02T21:27:28Z")
Straight male. Neither flattered nor bothered.
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### Author:  [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/12 "2010-04-02T21:51:22Z")
Straight Male. A little bit of both.
Flattered that someone considers me worth making a pass at. Bothered because I still have some lingering awkward homophobia from when I was younger and less enlightened.
I’m not proud of it.
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### Author:  [@rivulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rivulus)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/13 "2010-04-02T21:56:16Z")
Lesbian here. Non-creepy pass from a guy? I’d be flattered. Sure! I don’t have a problem if someone thinks I’m hot.
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### Author:  [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/14 "2010-04-02T22:05:42Z")
Apparently I wouldn’t know that a pass was being made if it came annotated and with subtitles.
But I imagine I’d be flattered. I guess. I think RealityChuck’s answer is closest to my own. It’s been so long since anyone of any gender or inclination expressed interest (or had the opportunity, I should go out more) I’d most likely just do a spit take and ruin the moment for everyone.
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### Author:  [@boytyperanma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boytyperanma)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/15 "2010-04-02T22:18:46Z")
> [@gwendee](#):
>
> Apparently I wouldn’t know that a pass was being made if it came annotated and with subtitles.
This has been my problem with girls making passes at me over the years. I’m very slow to realize they might want more then friendship.
One girl, i talked to often at work, came up to me pretty angry one day saying ‘you could have just told me you were gay and not led me on’ I was just so awestruck I had no response other then a meek ‘I’m sorry’
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### Author:  [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/16 "2010-04-02T22:33:19Z")
> [@gwendee](#):
>
> Apparently I wouldn’t know that a pass was being made if it came annotated and with subtitles.
Likewise.
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### Author:  [@Terraplane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terraplane)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/17 "2010-04-02T22:34:46Z")
Sooo, I accidentally clicked ‘I’m a gay male and it would depend’ instead of the straight equivalent. Either my subconscious is trying to tell me something or I should take a bit more time to read the whole sentence instead of quickly scanning it before I click.
Anyway, my answer really depends on who is asking. If somebody I know and respect asked me I’d likely be flattered, if it’s some skeevy dude I’ve never met I think I’d feel weird.
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### Author:  [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/18 "2010-04-02T22:36:43Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#):
>
> This has been my problem with girls making passes at me over the years. I’m very slow to realize they might want more then friendship.
>
> One girl, i talked to often at work, came up to me pretty angry one day saying ‘you could have just told me you were gay and not led me on’ I was just so awestruck I had no response other then a meek ‘I’m sorry’
Are you? Because, being straight, I’m pretty bad at telling when a guy likes me. But, then again, I’m probably pretty bad with women, since everyone else seems to talk about it happening all the time, and I rarely notice it.
As far as the survey goes: all I can go by is the one time it happened. It freaked me out. It was in junior high, and I was looking for a girlfriend. The last thing I wanted was for people to think I was gay. (I hadn’t realized that women seem to often have crushes on their gay friends.)
I’d hope that, today, it wouldn’t bother me at all. But it probably would a bit. But it would be the same way it would bother me if I had to turn down a woman. It has been my experience that turning down someone once is rarely enough. I’m the type of guy who likes to try to be friends with everyone, and I know I send signals that I’m interested when I’m not.
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### Author:  [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/19 "2010-04-02T22:42:48Z")
As long as all it is is a pass, then I’m flattered. If he gets too pushy then I’m bothered.
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### Author:  [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)
#### Post date: [April 2, 2010, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/20 "2010-04-02T22:59:34Z")
It used to happen to me in high school and college, not so much anymore. Now my partner gets all the attention, from both sexes (which bothers me if it’s rude, but rarely bothers him).
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