# Someone of the wrong gender makes a polite-but-serious pass at you. Are you bothered or flattered? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771 "2010-04-02T20:34:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2010, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/21 "2010-04-02T23:06:21Z")
> [@boytyperanma](#): > > This has been my problem with girls making passes at me over the years. I’m very slow to realize they might want more then friendship. > > One girl, i talked to often at work, came up to me pretty angry one day saying ‘you could have just told me you were gay and not led me on’ I was just so awestruck I had no response other then a meek ‘I’m sorry’ This has happened to me a couple times as well. But there was one time that it was more than clear what she wanted. I was at a gaming convention in a hotel for a weekend. The first night there, I’m walking around with some friends chatting. A girl in about 6" stripper heels, a short skirt, low cut top with a corset that made her ample cleavage even more prominent marched up to me, pressed her breasts against my chest and announced to all and sundry that she was taking me to bed with her. I was past bothered and into struck speechless and somewhat terrified territory. After being informed (by someone else as I was still struck dumb) that I was gay, answered something to the effect of, “and your point is?”. My friends, still having powers of speech and motor skills, moved me away from her. They also graciously played bodyguard as she continued pursuing me the rest of the weekend. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/22 "2010-04-02T23:10:52Z")
Straight woman here. I checked the last option. I would be a bit flattered, a bit bothered and a bit surprised. I’m flattered when I get a serious pass from anyone. At the same time, I’m a bit bothered if it isn’t one that I would consider reciprocating (the socially inept nerdy thing). And surprised because a serious pass in person doesn’t come my way as often as it used to. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2010, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/23 "2010-04-02T23:47:02Z")
I picked “I’m a straight female, and it would depend on \.” Blank being whether or not it was a coworker, because that would bother me about the same as when I’ve been hit on by male coworkers I’m not remotely interested (keep in mind the OP said a _serious_ pass, not just a bit of easily dismissed flirting). I’ve been neither flattered nor particularly bothered by women in other situations barking up the wrong tree. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2010, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/24 "2010-04-02T23:58:42Z")
> [@Antinor01](#): > > This has happened to me a couple times as well. But there was one time that it was more than clear what she wanted. > > I was at a gaming convention in a hotel for a weekend. The first night there, I’m walking around with some friends chatting. A girl in about 6" stripper heels, a short skirt, low cut top with a corset that made her ample cleavage even more prominent marched up to me, pressed her breasts against my chest and announced to all and sundry that she was taking me to bed with her. I was past bothered and into struck speechless and somewhat terrified territory. After being informed (by someone else as I was still struck dumb) that I was gay, answered something to the effect of, “and your point is?”. My friends, still having powers of speech and motor skills, moved me away from her. They also graciously played bodyguard as she continued pursuing me the rest of the weekend. I think that fails the “polite” stipulation of the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/25 "2010-04-03T00:01:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I think that fails the “polite” stipulation of the OP. I know. That’s why I didn’t include that example in my voting. Boytyperanma’s post reminded of it. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/26 "2010-04-03T00:17:44Z")
I’m another Ganymede in the poll. I’m a straight male, and I don’t think I would be flattered or bothered by it. When a woman’s into me, that’s very relevant to me, but if a man’s into me, I don’t really see why I should care one way or the other about it. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/27 "2010-04-03T00:25:33Z")
Straight male. The only dance club in this town worth going to is the gay club (and most of the straight women go there anyway), so this happens to me on a pretty regular basis. Never had any issues with it; I take it as a compliment. Come to think of it, I’ll have more of a problem when it _stops_ happening. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/28 "2010-04-03T00:32:31Z")
Skald you ask the toughest questions! I can’t answer the poll because it has never happened to me. I don’t know ? I don’t think I’d be offended or flattered, I would just be uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/29 "2010-04-03T00:34:24Z")
Surprised, certainly, as I don’t ping anyone’s gaydar, or at least so I’ve heard. I voted for “it depends” only because “polite” is so relative. If he were in fact quite polite to my standards, I probably wouldn’t understand that he was making a pass, because I’m both dense and (unfortunately) heterosexist. If he did manage to be forward enough to make me get the message without being rude, I’d probably be flattered. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/30 "2010-04-03T00:35:58Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I’m another Ganymede in the poll. I’m a straight male, \ Those two statements do not go together. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/31 "2010-04-03T00:49:16Z")
Straight male and it would depend on who and how; and I’m active enough in various GLBT functions locally that its not a theoretical for me - it happens now and then. Mashers are mashers no matter what the orientation and not flattering. Some generally nice guy who likes being around me; flattering. Typical “hi honey” in passing at a bar is just neutral. ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/32 "2010-04-03T00:58:02Z")
Straight male, and I wasn’t bothered or flattered. Just found it amusing. So I picked the last choice. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/33 "2010-04-03T02:01:54Z")
Flattered, but also quite confused. It’s entirely possible I wouldn’t pick up on the clues and it’d go whooshing right over my head. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/34 "2010-04-03T02:17:47Z")
I went for “it depends” because, really, I’d be neither flattered nor bothered, just sort of surprised. After which I’d decline as politely as I was approached. That has actually happened to me 2 or 3 times over the years. Like I said, I always find it a bit surprising, but no big deal. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/35 "2010-04-03T02:36:37Z")
Straight female, flattered. Surprised, but flattered. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/36 "2010-04-03T03:31:05Z")
Straight female, mostly flattered, but more flattered if I thought they were attractive, which is rare because I don’t find most women attractive. Not terribly flattered (but not offended) if I think the person is ugly/boring/desperate. ---
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/37 "2010-04-03T04:15:55Z")
Both? I’ve been married for some time and am no longer used to anyone making passes. So even if Colin Firth did, the answer would be both. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/38 "2010-04-03T04:16:50Z")
Straight (ish) female. I would be downright tickled but then maybe worried that someone was playing a trick on me. _Again_. Sigh. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/39 "2010-04-03T04:25:14Z")
Bisexual male-what is this “wrong gender” you speak of? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/40 "2010-04-03T04:31:11Z")
Straight male here. All it means is that someone into dudes thinks I’m hot. Why wouldn’t I be flattered? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771.md?page=3)