# Someone of the wrong gender makes a polite-but-serious pass at you. Are you bothered or flattered? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 2, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771 "2010-04-02T20:34:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/41 "2010-04-03T05:05:25Z")
Flattered and flustered, if just because it’s never happened before, so I wouldn’t know what to do. Still, I like the idea of BOTH sexes thinking I’m attractive. ---
**Author:** ![toadspittle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c0e974/32.png) [@toadspittle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toadspittle)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/42 "2010-04-03T05:35:35Z")
Flattered. But it would be an awkward shoot-down. I can’t imagine the conversation afterward would be all that comfortable, as the hitter realized the mistake he had made, and we both tried to politely shrug it off. I mean, it’s awkward enough when someone of the appropriate gender turns you down. ---
**Author:** ![Lok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e8c25b/32.png) [@Lok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lok)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/43 "2010-04-03T05:41:25Z")
Straight male. I have usually been flattered and always surprised. But all of the men that have expressed an interest have been cool when I informed them their equipment didn’t match my interest. I just wish the females that have been interested in me were as open about it as the men. Apparently over the years I have missed quite a few opportunities. 😛 toadspittle, I have never found it awkward. It was a running joke with one guy for several years when we met at conventions. ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 6:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/44 "2010-04-03T06:27:55Z")
Straight male. I’d be flattered if the guy looked like, say, Edward Norton, and _very_ bothered if he looked like Harvey Keitel. ---
**Author:** ![MostlyClueless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MostlyClueless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MostlyClueless)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/45 "2010-04-03T06:33:29Z")
> [@toadspittle](#): > > I mean, it’s awkward enough when someone of the appropriate gender turns you down. Wouldn’t it be the other way around? It’s pretty easy to say “Sorry, I’m not into guys/girls”. When that’s not the problem, the answer is “Well, I don’t like YOU all that much.” Seems more awkward to me. ---
**Author:** ![Sevastopol](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Sevastopol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevastopol)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/46 "2010-04-03T06:52:11Z")
A bit cross. I can never seem to remember directions to the Sexual Exchange. You know, the large kiosk with the green sign. When there’s a counter free, you walk up with your sheaf of bona fide no-strings-attached sexual propositions and exchange them for propositions from your preferred gender. Remember? I am frequently on the lookout for these. ---
**Author:** ![History\_Geek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b19c9b/32.png) [@History\_Geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/History_Geek)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/47 "2010-04-03T07:05:00Z")
I’m a straight guy. It’s flattering when someone is interested at all, right? That said, I must have a gaydar transponder that pings “straight” 'cause gay guys never hit on me. Or I’m just THAT unattractive. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/48 "2010-04-03T13:12:08Z")
I voted ‘it depends’. If you’re a straight bloke who doesn’t know I’m a lesbian, then of course I’m flattered. If your reaction when I tell you I’m a lesbian is to be MORE rather than LESS interested, then you’re really going to start pissing me off. ---
**Author:** ![RedWood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f08c70/32.png) [@RedWood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedWood)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/49 "2010-04-03T14:08:23Z")
Bisexual female, what’s this ‘wrong gender’ you are speaking of? edit: hey Czarcasm, I’ll buy you a drink next time I’m in your town 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/50 "2010-04-03T14:32:18Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Bisexual male-what is this “wrong gender” you speak of? 😉 > [@RedWood](#): > > Bisexual female, what’s this ‘wrong gender’ you are speaking of? Gee, if only the OP had spotted this one coming? :dubious: Polite-but-serious is fine. I ain’t playin’, but no harm in asking. I must give off a very strong straight vibe tho’, 'cos no-one ever _has_ asked. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/51 "2010-04-03T15:55:34Z")
Err, I don’t get to play ☹ ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/52 "2010-04-03T17:52:28Z")
Straight, flattered. “Thanks, but no thanks.” ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/53 "2010-04-03T17:59:14Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > Bisexual male-what is this “wrong gender” you speak of? 😉 Tom Cruise, obviously. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/54 "2010-04-03T18:01:58Z")
> [@RedWood](#): > > Bisexual female, what’s this ‘wrong gender’ you are speaking of? Anne Coulter, obviously. > [@](#): > > edit: hey Czarcasm, I’ll buy you a drink next time I’m in your town 😃 I do the jokes here, woman. The usual threats. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/55 "2010-04-03T18:09:36Z")
_I’m a straight male, and it would depend on \_ Good looking guy who’s got a lot going for him- flattered Total skank that seems like he’d hit on anything that moved- what’s to be flattered about? The same way I feel when hit on by women. ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/56 "2010-04-03T18:12:56Z")
I’m a straight female who is 43 with my most attractive days behind me. I’m damn flattered when _anyone_ hits on me these days! ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/57 "2010-04-03T18:15:28Z")
Voted _I’m a straight male, and it would depend on \_. I’m flattered, but I’m uncomfortable with persistent attempts to get me to “switch teams”; e.g. “C’mon, how do you know you won’t like it if you haven’t tried it before? A man knows how to satisfy a man better than a woman!” ---
**Author:** ![Danika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/dfb087/32.png) [@Danika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Danika)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/58 "2010-04-03T18:32:30Z")
Straight female, flattered. Always nice if someone likes you. ---
**Author:** ![RedWood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f08c70/32.png) [@RedWood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RedWood)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/59 "2010-04-03T18:48:36Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Anne Coulter, obviously. > > my edit: hey Czarcasm, I’ll buy you a drink next time I’m in your town 😃 > > I do the jokes here, woman. The usual threats. promises, promises! come to my town, then, and I’ll buy You a drink! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Taenia\_spp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5e925/32.png) [@Taenia\_spp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taenia_spp)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2010, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771/60 "2010-04-03T21:30:17Z")
Bi guy here, and I get to play anyway, **Skald**. For me, I am simply not attracted to trans folk\*, so I suppose that counts here as a ‘gender’. I’m a bit of a flirt, so if it’s just some light flirting I’d be flattered, but if it’s any more aggressive, I think I’d be a bit bothered. Sorry trans community! \*As an aside, I like gender play; that sort of androgyny can be very attractive. Unfortunately, true trans folk just don’t do it for me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-of-the-wrong-gender-makes-a-polite-but-serious-pass-at-you-are-you-bothered-or-flattered/534771.md?page=4)