# Someone you love dearly elopes. Do you feel disappointed, hurt, etc? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 30, 2012, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615 "2012-11-30T21:35:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/1 "2012-11-30T21:35:32Z")
Stop looking for the long involved hypothetical backstory. Ain’t gonna be one. Well, let me take that back. There’s not a HYPOTHETICAL backstory. My baby sister (by far my favorite sibling) and my best friend from college got married within six months of one another, about ten years back. In both cases they chose to elope. I didn’t complain about it at the time because I knew they were each going to get a ration of shit from their parents about it, but I was more than a little disappointed in both cases. I love them both, and wanted to be with them on such an important, life-changing day. But that’s just me. Have you ever been hurt, disappointed, even angered by a bosom friend or beloved family member choosing to marry without family & friends present? Do you think you would feel such emotions if it happened in the future? ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/2 "2012-11-30T21:42:46Z")
My mother and I have both gotten married in the past without informing each other immediately. In both cases, we did so because we knew the other wouldn’t approve. I think she was hurt by my eloping. I wasn’t hurt by hers, but I definitely would be if one of my children pulled that on me. ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/3 "2012-11-30T21:54:39Z")
How come there isn’t an option for “I not only don’t care, but I HOPE they elope”? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/4 "2012-11-30T21:57:19Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > How come there isn’t an option for “I not only don’t care, but I HOPE they elope”? [saditty sumbitch] Because that attitude is included in the option “I was okay with it,” and I chose not to encourage certain mindsets by giving them voice. [/saditty sumbitch] ---
**Author:** ![ReticulatingSplines](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@ReticulatingSplines](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReticulatingSplines)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/5 "2012-11-30T21:59:18Z")
> [@skald the rhymer](#): > > [saditty sumbitch] > > because that attitude is included in the option “i was okay with it,” and i chose not to encourage certain mindsets by giving them voice. > > [/saditty sumbitch] i’ll just take my pie then ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/6 "2012-11-30T22:13:38Z")
My brother got married on about four hours’ noticed; he called around and said “Hey, we’re gettin’ hitched; meet us at the County Courthouse in San Francisco at 1 pm! w00t!” I was on my way to work at the time; I think our mom was the only person there except bride, groom, judge, witnesses, and maybe some of my brother’s drinking buddies. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/7 "2012-11-30T22:14:50Z")
I’ll spend twice as much on your gift if you don’t make me go to your wedding. If you DO make me go to your wedding, it had better be open bar. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/8 "2012-11-30T22:16:04Z")
Years ago my brother in law decided to become engaged to his girlfriend (who was a horrible bitch, who caused him endless grief, and who he eventually divorced with “good riddance”). They decided they were going to elope. She SAID she wanted to do this because she didn’t like her family and didn’t think it was fair that his family would be there if she didn’t want hers (warning bells anyone). In truth, she was borderline abusive and this was part of getting his family away from him. We talked my brother in law into a small private wedding in a public park - saying that his mother would never forgive his fiancee if they eloped - that she wasn’t well liked now, but if he ever hoped his mother would come around, this was not the way to do it. We would have been hurt as well, but we talked him into it on that basis. So it didn’t happen, but it almost did, and we would have been hurt. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/9 "2012-11-30T22:26:15Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I’ll spend twice as much on your gift if you don’t make me go to your wedding. If you DO make me go to your wedding, it had better be open bar. I heartily endorse this post. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/10 "2012-11-30T22:26:35Z")
I’ve never been someone who has found the actual wedding ceremony to be a terribly important thing. You can call it cheesy (oh, don’t try to play it off — I know you will), but any couple who is going through the trouble of the legal/religious hitching has, presumably, already committed themselves to one another, and that is the thing that matters to me. If someone I were close to was in such a deeply committed relationship, and I didn’t know about _that_, THEN I would be hurt. But the ceremony? It’s not important to me that I be there unless it’s important to them. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/11 "2012-11-30T23:00:34Z")
It wasn’t eloping, exactly. It was getting married over the lunch hour without letting anyone know. Yes, I know they had been living together for years. But I would have liked to have been there. Not something I fret over, but it would have been nice. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![carlotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/898d66/32.png) [@carlotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carlotta)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/12 "2012-11-30T23:11:00Z")
I used to love weddings, but I’ve been to a lot over the years and I just feel like they are more trouble than they are worth. I’m happily married right now and it’s unlikely I’ll ever marry again, but if I do it will be an elopement. From what I’ve observed even when the prospective spouses intend something very low-key things tend to get stressful and more expensive than they wanted very quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/13 "2012-11-30T23:20:48Z")
I should’ve read the OP, I thought the poll was about someone who you have/had unrequited love for eloping. In that case I picked #2 If a family member eloped without telling me I’d pick #3. I wouldn’t really care. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2012, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/14 "2012-11-30T23:45:18Z")
> [@ReticulatingSplines](#): > > How come there isn’t an option for “I not only don’t care, but I HOPE they elope”? This. Not only do I regret not eloping, I actively encourage others to do so. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/15 "2012-12-01T00:05:07Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > I’ll spend twice as much on your gift if you don’t make me go to your wedding. If you DO make me go to your wedding, it had better be open bar. Yes. I don’t care about weddings. I was my sister’s maid of honor and so it wasn’t just the wedding, it was also the bridal shower, bachelorette party (okay, that one was cool and not a big deal–but penis-shaped party favors cost significantly more than their non penis-shaped counterparts), rehearsal dinner, dress shopping, blah blah blah. If I ever get married I want to elope to Vegas for sure. Now that I think of it…my psycho is going there for a couple days in December and wants me to go with him. I’d better not, because we could fuck around and end up married. And my mom knows about my Vegas-wedding-only policy and said she’d be upset if I did. So I’d feel bad. But do it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/16 "2012-12-01T00:11:25Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > This. Not only do I regret not eloping, I actively encourage others to do so. I sort of fall into the same boat, with the caveat that I know a lot of people really value that ceremony/party and I respect that. I will certainly try to attend one with good spirits if someone _really_ wants me to be there. Also I have a friend who does a lot of wedding photography and I’d hate to see him lose work ;). But for myself, I don’t value the ceremony/party. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/17 "2012-12-01T00:22:16Z")
What others choose to do when they get married is not my business even if it was someone close to me. I think eloping is a fine idea, IMHO. The amount of money that some people spend on their wedding is just insane. I suppose close friends and family often want to be part of the union. I do understand this. When my kids get married (if they do) I will be fine with whatever they decide to do. If I were to get married again (doubtful) I would want to elope and take off to some place tropical and have hot naughty sex for days. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/18 "2012-12-01T00:36:27Z")
I think weddings are a waste of both time and money. I’m happy for people who enter into marriage, as it is a significant life change and a big step for a permanent relationship, but the wedding? Meh. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/19 "2012-12-01T00:47:51Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > The amount of money that some people spend on their wedding is just insane. That bothers me less than the amount of money that they expect \*other \*people to spend on their weddings. ---
**Author:** ![Dignan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f07891/32.png) [@Dignan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dignan)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2012, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/20 "2012-12-01T00:52:08Z")
A family member kind of eloped? They didn’t leave town, but no one was expecting it. It turned into the couple, and the bride’s parents, who lived in town, going to the courthouse. I didn’t get invited. I don’t really care. In the case of family, it’s nice to be able to see the other family members who I like, and don’t see very often. I’d really prefer to see them at a reunion or some other get together, where it isn’t an obligation to go, and the relative getting married can’t hang out with anyone because they’re busy with wedding stuff. **Skald,** are you female? I thought the name looks masculine, but I wouldn’t expect a guy to care. Here is a classic story from The Onion: [Wedding Enjoyed By No One But Bride](http://www.theonion.com/articles/wedding-enjoyed-by-no-one-but-bride,1397/). [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615.md?page=2)