# Someone you love dearly elopes. Do you feel disappointed, hurt, etc? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 30, 2012, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615 "2012-11-30T21:35:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/61 "2012-12-02T19:13:48Z")
My friends keep getting married and inviting many of my friends to their weddings, but not me - dunno if that counts. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2012, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/62 "2012-12-02T20:04:04Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > The reason I prefer having a wedding to eloping is the same reason I wouldn’t want a huge, expensive wedding. When we married, my wife was the human being I loved most in the world (she is currently tied for first place, while I suspect I have fallen to number two for her), but she wasn’t the _only_ person I loved in the world. I wanted my father, my sisters, my older brother, my two best friends who might as well be sisters, my stepdaughter, my nieces and nephews, selected cousins, and my then-literary agent, present to witness that my life was forever changing for the better. . . . Don’t assume the people getting married haven’t thought of this or that they don’t feel that way about you. I would have preferred to have a small, intimate wedding with perhaps twenty or twenty-five guests, total, having the most important people share one of the most important moments. In fact, I was more than a little sad that the wedding I had always wanted couldn’t happen, myself, but I had to deal with reality and planning a meaningful day that we could afford. I still feel guilty that it hurt people, but I’m also still more than a little angry that they were hurt, because it meant they weren’t considering other people, both the other potential guests and us! ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2012, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/63 "2012-12-02T22:41:04Z")
I wouldn’t care one bit. They ain’t gettin nothin from me anyway! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![DigitalC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ebca7d/32.png) [@DigitalC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DigitalC)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2012, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/64 "2012-12-03T00:06:59Z")
The less weddings i have to attend the happier i am. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/65 "2012-12-05T05:38:58Z")
I’d be okay with it, if it were to ever happen. No big deal. Why not? ---
**Author:** ![BetsQ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/fbc32d/32.png) [@BetsQ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BetsQ)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/66 "2012-12-05T16:07:36Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > To those who are “hurt” because someone didn’t throw a big wedding, isn’t it enough that you are a part of their lives? What’s the big deal about one day? We snark on Bridezillas for making such a big hairy stink about a one-day party. Can’t the couple’s family and friends just be happy for them and enjoy their company from that day forward, without all the expense and bother? I said I’d be saddened/whatever. But I don’t see the wedding options as a sharp choice between eloping and having 250 people at the Ritz. Someday, when/if my kids get married, I’d be happy for them to tie the knot at city hall. I’d just like to be there to witness it. If they eloped, I wouldn’t bitch and moan and write them out of the will, but I would be privately sad to miss such an important moment. ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/67 "2012-12-05T17:58:15Z")
Well, to my mind part of the trouble caused by weddings is assigning such huge importance to one day. Seems to me that all of the days that follow should count for something, yes? Mr. S and I are just as happily married having had 20-odd people as witnesses as we would be with 200 witnesses, or two. A friend of my parents was asking them about what would happen at our wedding and she was SHOCKED that I wouldn’t be wearing a white dress and that my sister would not be maid of honor, or even “in” the wedding. She said she didn’t know if she would even want to attend under those conditions. My father (one of the rare times I approved of something he said) told her that maybe she wasn’t even invited. (And she wasn’t. Close friends and family only.) If she was “hurt” or “saddened,” I don’t give a fig. We were adults and it was our choice whom to invite, or whether to invite anyone at all. Some dear friends got privately married a few years ago, and told us after the fact. I don’t recall feeling anything other than a mild disappointment at having missed out on a potential party. But I didn’t take it personally or feel that I missed out on something in their lives because I wasn’t present at the moment they said “I do.” They are still dear friends who had the wedding of their choice. And that’s A-OK with me. ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/68 "2012-12-05T18:55:17Z")
An elopement – as in, the judge, the couple, and the witness, and maybe Mom & Dad – no, not really, because I would presume that they have chosen to stay within their chosen budget by not blowing a few grand on the big white wedding. Being practical is totally cool with me. What DID happen, was that the wedding happened – not an elopement, but a planned wedding with guests – and I wasn’t invited. I’m telling myself that it was simply that the wedding was out-of-state and being broke I would have had to decline anyway, which he likely knew and was perhaps, then, being considerate of. I’m a bit hurt that I didn’t get the courtesy invitation though, or even an announcement. It’s certainly not a friendship-ending thing, but we’ve been good friends since college and I would have loved to been there to support him, first of all – especially since we both have commiserated over the years about our rotten luck in romance, I was super excited and happy for him when he told me he was engaged – and disappointed that I wasn’t even given the choice to either try to swing it somehow or to decline. It’s not about me, I know – but when other college friends were invited, it’s hard not to take that a little personally. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/69 "2012-12-05T19:20:49Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > If the Supreme Court gets off their asses and finally takes a minute to make Gay Marriage legal, my SO and I will make our 31 1/2 year relationship legal - ASAP!\ Totally off-topic - holy crap! I remember being impressed years ago that the two of you had been together for 25 years! :eek: More on topic - I can’t imagine telling anyone else how they should get married. I would not be disappointed at all if someone eloped - I have no expectations of being invited to any more weddings. ---
**Author:** ![ed\_anger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bbce88/32.png) [@ed\_anger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ed_anger)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/70 "2012-12-05T19:33:06Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > But that’s just me. Have you ever been hurt, disappointed, even angered by a bosom friend or beloved family member choosing to marry without family & friends present? Do you think you would feel such emotions if it happened in the future? I’m guessing you’re female? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/71 "2012-12-05T23:15:21Z")
> [@ed\_anger](#): > > I’m guessing you’re female? :: checks penis to make sure it’s still there :: :: sighs in relief :: Nope, I’m a dude. > [@Kaio](#): > > An elopement – as in, the judge, the couple, and the witness, and maybe Mom & Dad. Actually I meant elopement as in couple, judge, and paid witness. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/72 "2012-12-05T23:18:56Z")
We basically eloped (well, his parents were our sole witnesses) and didn’t get around to the whole “ring” thing till a while later. Other people’s weddings, or not, just wouldn’t mean that much to me. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2012, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/73 "2012-12-05T23:58:19Z")
I plan on bribing PandaKid to elope someday (with a guy I approve of, of course). ---
**Author:** ![Cub\_Mistress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ea666f/32.png) [@Cub\_Mistress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cub_Mistress)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/74 "2012-12-16T03:26:48Z")
My first husband and I eloped. Both sets of parents knew in advance and neither one gave a rat’s ass, they were happy to avoid the expense. Truthfully, no one dreamed it would last the 33 years it did. C’est la vie. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/75 "2012-12-16T07:51:58Z")
One of my cousins and his gf invited both families out to lunch (sibs and parents) and, once everybody was together, said “oh, by the way, we’re stopping at city hall first”. They sent to every other relative and friend postcards informing us of the marriage and the new address. There are other cousins for whom that would have been strange, but in that cousin’s case? We reckon the parents and siblings were there at the bride’s insistence… ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2012, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615/76 "2012-12-16T08:47:04Z")
I don’t care about marriage rituals, or rituals in general. Have one or don’t as you please. My only concern over someone just running off and getting married without ceremony would be if they did it that way because they were in a hurry and weren’t thinking things through. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/someone-you-love-dearly-elopes-do-you-feel-disappointed-hurt-etc/642615.md?page=3)