# Something inappropriate cheered me up **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 3, 2004, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827 "2004-11-03T19:59:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/1 "2004-11-03T19:59:19Z")
GAUHATI, India (AP) – Monkeys lurking at an ancient Hindu temple in India’s northeast have attacked up to 300 children over three weeks, temple officials said Tuesday. “They hide in trees and swoop on unsuspecting children loitering about in the temple premises or walking by, clawing them and even sucking a bit of blood,” Bani Kumar Sharma, a priest at the Kamakhya temple in Assam state, told The Associated Press. The temple, one of the most famous in India, is located in Gauhati, Assam’s capital. “I was returning home from school when a monkey suddenly pounced on me, scratched my head and hand and pushed me to the ground,” said Jolly Sharma, a 6-year-old girl. ---
**Author:** ![caveman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/caveman/32/7242_2.png) [@caveman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/caveman)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/2 "2004-11-03T20:07:34Z")
None can withstand their Vampire Monkey Style Kung Fu! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/3 "2004-11-03T20:09:11Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > " . . . a monkey suddenly pounced on me, scratched my head and hand and pushed me to the ground," said Jolly Sharma, a 6-year-old girl. Bet she wasn’t so Jolly when she got up. ---
**Author:** ![Kallessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7993a0/32.png) [@Kallessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kallessa)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/4 "2004-11-03T20:29:26Z")
Good golly, Ms. Jolly, is that a monkey bite on your neck? :eek: Strangely enough, this cheered me up, too. Let’s hear it for strange and inappropriate humor!! ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/5 "2004-11-03T20:35:40Z")
That’ll teach the little bastards to loiter. ---
**Author:** ![Miabella](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@Miabella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miabella)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/6 "2004-11-03T20:37:02Z")
I was in Nepal a few years ago for work, and I visited the Pashupatinath temples outside of Kathmandu. Pashupatinath is located on a tributary of the Ganges, and Hindus bring the bodies of their dead to the river for open air cremation on the riverbank. The whole place was just a little too _Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom_ for me. Burning bodies, incense, lots of ‘Om Namah Shivaya’-ing. And to top it all off, there were hundreds (thousands?) of super pushy monkeys that lived in the surrounding jungle. These monkeys were everywhere. I’m a little creeped out by monkeys to begin with, but I could definitely imagine these monkeys becoming bloodsuckers. ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/7 "2004-11-03T20:40:01Z")
I can see it now!: Song: Bloodsuckers By: The Super Pushy Monkeys great potential band name. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/8 "2004-11-03T20:46:10Z")
SOunds like somebody’s headin’ for [monkey jail](http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2002038012_monkeys17.html). ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/9 "2004-11-03T20:52:34Z")
In other breaking animal kingdom news, [man tries to convert lions to Jesus](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6396422/), and, WAIT FOR IT… [gets bitten](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6396422/). ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/10 "2004-11-03T20:56:28Z")
BTW, I think “convert lions to Christianity” would be more ambiguous. Because I get this image of the guy waving around his hands, and suddenly, POOF! the lions are gone and there’s the big J himself standing in their place. ---
**Author:** ![Miabella](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ccd318/32.png) [@Miabella](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miabella)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/11 "2004-11-03T20:57:19Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > SOunds like somebody’s headin’ for [monkey jail](http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2002038012_monkeys17.html). > [@](#): > > Down the street, he briefly fled with a differential-equations book and beat a calculator with his fist. Geez, you can hardly blame him for this! ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/12 "2004-11-03T20:58:04Z")
er, “less ambiguous.” ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/13 "2004-11-03T21:33:18Z")
I miss the old days when the monkeys were content to simply fly out our butts. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/14 "2004-11-03T21:44:44Z")
> [@Already in Use](#): > > BTW, I think “convert lions to Christianity” would be more ambiguous. I have a mental picture of a Roman soldier lecturing a class full of lions on the evils of vegatarianism, and pleading to them to try some Christians, just to see if they like them. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/15 "2004-11-03T22:00:12Z")
The monkeys can be pretty viscious. They are known to rob houses and snatch working peoples’ lunch right out of their hands. When I was in Mumbai, I was right in front of a guy that dropped a bottle of Sprite. He was reaching down to pick it up when a monkey swooped down and grabbed it. The monkey then sat on a high ledge, unscrewed the top, and started chugging it down. On a more serious note, rabies is pretty common in India and there will be more and more trouble with monkeys as long as they are being displaced by urban growth. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2004, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/16 "2004-11-03T23:46:51Z")
> [@Already in Use](#): > > BTW, I think “convert lions to Christianity” would be more ambiguous. Because I get this image of the guy waving around his hands, and suddenly, POOF! the lions are gone and there’s the big J himself standing in their place. And then Jesus leaps on Roy and goes for his jugular. Says Roy, “Christ was just being playful. He forgot his own messianic strength.” ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/17 "2004-11-04T00:18:32Z")
> [@even sven](#): > > The monkeys can be pretty viscious. Especially when you set the blender to “puree.” ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/18 "2004-11-04T01:08:40Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Something inappropriate cheered me up. And it was this line: > [@Eve](#): > > Especially when you set the blender to “puree.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/19 "2004-11-04T01:18:48Z")
> [@photopat](#): > > Says Roy, “Christ was just being playful. He forgot his own messianic strength.” [snort] ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827/20 "2004-11-04T02:55:14Z")
> [@Already in Use](#): > > In other breaking animal kingdom news, [man tries to convert lions to Jesus](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6396422/), and, WAIT FOR IT… [gets bitten](http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6396422/). Ahhh! How cute, somebody was playing Daniel. Damn atheist carnivores! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/something-inappropriate-cheered-me-up/272827.md?page=2)