# Sometimes the Onion comes too close to the truth **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 21, 2012, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963 "2012-07-21T15:33:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BigAppleBucky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigapplebucky/32/178_2.png) [@BigAppleBucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigAppleBucky)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/1 "2012-07-21T15:33:09Z")
[http://www.theonion.com/articles/sadly-nation-knows-exactly-how-colorado-shootings,28857/](http://www.theonion.com/articles/sadly-nation-knows-exactly-how-colorado-shootings,28857/) > [@](#): > > WASHINGTON—Americans across the nation confirmed today that, unfortunately, due to their extreme familiarity with the type of tragedy that occurred in a Colorado movie theater last night, they sadly know exactly how the events following the horrific shooting of 12 people will unfold. > > While admitting they “absolutely hate” the fact they have this knowledge, the nation’s 300 million citizens told reporters they can pinpoint down to the hour when the first candlelight vigil will be held, roughly how many people will attend, how many times the county sheriff will address the media in the coming weeks, and when the town-wide memorial service will be held. **snip** > [@](#): > > According to the nation’s citizenry, calls for a mature, thoughtful debate about the role of guns in American society started right on time, and should persist throughout the next week or so. However, the populace noted, the debate will soon spiral out of control and ultimately lead to nothing of any substance, . . . ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/2 "2012-07-21T18:39:35Z")
I’ve loved The Onion since I first heard of it in high school, but god DAMN if this isn’t one of their best articles in recent memory. They managed to tastefully make light of a recent tragedy, one I thought couldn’t yet be made fun of (except tastelessly by opportunistic, unfunny assholes utilizing shock appeal to get cheap laughs–hi, **Beastly Rotter** ), by satirizing American jadedness. That’s \*real \*humor. Thanks for the link =) ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/3 "2012-07-21T18:59:25Z")
[Their other bit](http://www.theonion.com/articles/some-fucking-guy-at-warner-bros-wondering-what-sho,28859/) on the tragedy. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/4 "2012-07-21T19:03:37Z")
The Onion waited a little bit, then came out with a hilarious, very therapeutic issue after 9/11. ---
**Author:** ![echoreply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/echoreply/32/3641_2.png) [@echoreply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echoreply)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/5 "2012-07-21T19:41:23Z")
> [@digs](#): > > The Onion waited a little bit, then came out with a hilarious, very therapeutic issue after 9/11. The Onion’s 9/11 coverage was better than any mainstream media source I’ve seen. They captured the confusion and frustration in a few silly articles, rather than embody it and act it out, like everyone else did. [Not Knowing What Else To Do, Woman Bakes American-Flag Cake](http://www.theonion.com/articles/not-knowing-what-else-to-do-woman-bakes-americanfl,221/) ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/6 "2012-07-21T19:55:20Z")
The Onion doesn’t just report the truth, it predicts it with startling accuracy. In fact, I’d go so far to say that this article is perhaps the best piece of journalism ever published. Should have won a retroactive award or two. [Bush: ‘Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over’](http://www.theonion.com/articles/bush-our-long-national-nightmare-of-peace-and-pros,464/) If you can read that without laughing or crying or both, you are a better person than I. “We as a people must stand united, banding together to tear this nation in two,” Bush said. “Much work lies ahead of us: The gap between the rich and the poor may be wide, be there’s much more widening left to do. We must squander our nation’s hard-won budget surplus on tax breaks for the wealthiest 15 percent. And, on the foreign front, we must find an enemy and defeat it.” ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/7 "2012-07-21T20:52:21Z")
Holy shit. It’s as if they’d had a long hard look into the next eight years and wrote down as much of it as they could bear to transcribe. ---
**Author:** ![D-bear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@D-bear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D-bear)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/8 "2012-07-21T21:21:03Z")
Reading this in Aurora it comes across as kind of Somber. Plus there is no county Sheriff. The city of Aurora is in three counties. Adams, Douglas and Arapahoe counties… Not to knock them, but it was one thing that acted like a speed bump to me when I was reading it. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/9 "2012-07-21T22:24:32Z")
> [@digs](#): > > The Onion waited a little bit, then came out with a hilarious, very therapeutic issue after 9/11. My favorite 9/11 article was [God Angrily Clarifies ‘Don’t Kill’ Rule](http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-angrily-clarifies-dont-kill-rule,222/). > [@God (by way of The Onion)](#): > > “Somehow, people keep coming up with the idea that I want them to kill their neighbor. Well, I don’t. And to be honest, I’m really getting sick and tired of it. Get it straight. Not only do I not want anybody to kill anyone, but I specifically commanded you not to, in really simple terms that anybody ought to be able to understand.” ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2012, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/10 "2012-07-21T22:37:04Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > …by satirizing American jadedness. That’s \*real \*humor… Except it’s not satirizing American jadedness. It’s satirizing the packaged manner in which the media narrates and serves up a reaction, which we readily lap up, along with all our other favorite TV shows. It’s not jaded at all–everything is drama for consumption in an equalized way. It’s just that we don’t differentiate. And why should we? How many here on this board have any direct connection to the people involved with that? The first thing that happens is stuff like “A friend of my brother had a chiropractor who once lived next to that movie theater!!! OMG!!!” It’s not that different from talking about the characters in our TV shows as if they were real people. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/11 "2012-07-22T00:17:55Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > “A friend of my brother had a chiropractor who once lived next to that movie theater!!! OMG!!!” No joke: My close friend in Australia has friends in Aurora who were in the cinema next door as it happened. ---
**Author:** ![BigAppleBucky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigapplebucky/32/178_2.png) [@BigAppleBucky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigAppleBucky)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/12 "2012-07-22T00:32:28Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > No joke: My close friend in Australia has friends in Aurora who were in the cinema next door as it happened. A regular poster on another message board I participate in lost a cousin. The young woman went to the show with ten friends, all of whom survived. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/13 "2012-07-22T04:13:58Z")
> [@BigAppleBucky](#): > > A regular poster on another message board I participate in lost a cousin. The young woman went to the show with ten friends, all of whom survived. I used to play Warcraft 3 years ago with this guy who lives in Colorado. Well we really didn’t play much together now that I think about it. And I haven’t seen him in years, or really talked to him for over a year now. No idea if he was anywhere near the shooting or knew anyone involved, but still. Really makes you wonder, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2012, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/14 "2012-07-22T22:21:22Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > Except it’s not satirizing American jadedness. It’s satirizing the packaged manner in which the media narrates and serves up a reaction, which we readily lap up, along with all our other favorite TV shows. It’s not jaded at all–everything is drama for consumption in an equalized way. It’s just that we don’t differentiate. [On Saturday’s episode of _Up with Chris Hayes_ one of his guests was Dave Cullen](http://video.msnbc.msn.com/up-with-chris-hayes/48268676#48268676), the author of the new book _[Columbine](http://www.amazon.com/Columbine-Dave-Cullen/dp/B003UHUBW2/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342994452&sr=1-1&keywords=columbine)_. Writing it, he re-watched all the news reports, and saw how, over the course of a few hours, reporters moved from asking open-ended questions to asking only questions that fit a narrative. He said: [QUOTE=Dave Cullen] “Most people still believe that we know exactly what happened in Columbine, what went on, that it was two loner outcasts, from the Trench Coat Mafia, who went on this revenge spree against the Jocks as revenge for years of being bullied. Not one single thing, of those things I rattled off, is true. They weren’t part of the Trench Coat Mafia. They weren’t outcasts. None of that.” [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2012, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/15 "2012-07-23T05:15:12Z")
> [@Hal\_Briston](#): > > [Their other bit](http://www.theonion.com/articles/some-fucking-guy-at-warner-bros-wondering-what-sho,28859/) on the tragedy. There’s also [this bit.](http://www.theonion.com/articles/nra-please-try-to-remember-all-the-wonderful-thing,28858/) ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/16 "2012-07-25T20:38:54Z")
[American Voices](http://www.theonion.com/articles/gun-sales-surge-after-shooting,28907/) on the issue of gun sales increasing after the shooting. My favorite: Be warned: They could be wasting their time and money. I own two automatic rifles and three Glocks, and still no one has invited me to join a well-regulated militia. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/17 "2012-07-25T21:28:47Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > I used to play Warcraft 3 years ago with this guy who lives in Colorado. Well we really didn’t play much together now that I think about it. And I haven’t seen him in years, or really talked to him for over a year now. No idea if he was anywhere near the shooting or knew anyone involved, but still. Really makes you wonder, doesn’t it? I watch a TV show that is made by some guys in Colorado. I was so upset I couldn’t watch the show for two days. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/18 "2012-07-26T15:28:08Z")
> [@digs](#): > > The Onion waited a little bit, then came out with a hilarious, very therapeutic issue after 9/11. Was that the “Amercans long to care about stupid shit again” piece? THE MOST hilarious Onion ever was right after the 2000 election (Bush/Gore) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/19 "2012-07-28T13:35:20Z")
> [@BlinkingDuck](#): > > Was that the “Amercans long to care about stupid shit again” piece? > > THE MOST hilarious Onion ever was right after the 2000 election (Bush/Gore) 🙂 To paraphrase an old saying, Link, or GTFO. ---
**Author:** ![Gukumatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@Gukumatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gukumatz)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963/20 "2012-07-28T15:30:37Z")
The hell, The Onion has a paywall now? That really sucks. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sometimes-the-onion-comes-too-close-to-the-truth/628963.md?page=2)