# Somewhat abusive PM **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [February 4, 2010, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662 "2010-02-04T10:42:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@Jump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jump)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 10:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/1 "2010-02-04T10:42:11Z")
I received a PM with a pretty simple, but abusive message contained, with no context or anything. I replied asking for an explaination but so far have received no response. Is there anything i can do about this? ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/2 "2010-02-04T10:53:14Z")
You should post it so we can all decide. (Or forward it to a mod/admin along with your OP…) ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2010, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/3 "2010-02-04T13:24:24Z")
Please do not publish this PM on the board – send it to us. Send it to me. ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/4 "2010-02-05T02:34:54Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > Please do not publish this PM on the board – send it to us. > > Send it to me. Wait—I thought the board had decided that PMs were no longer to be private. Did something change? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/5 "2010-02-05T02:40:08Z")
Let me guess, two words? ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/6 "2010-02-05T02:45:31Z")
> [@magellan01](#): > > Wait—I thought the board had decided that PMs were no longer to be private. Did something change? Not at all, we’d just prefer not to air this sort of thing on the board. I don’t think anything is gained by making it public. If it’s concerning send it to the staff, let us investigate. ---
**Author:** ![magellan01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@magellan01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magellan01)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/7 "2010-02-05T06:48:56Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > Not at all, we’d just prefer not to air this sort of thing on the board. > > I don’t think anything is gained by making it public. If it’s concerning send it to the staff, let us investigate. Okay. Almost sounds like there’s some benefit to keeping PMs kinda…what’s the word…_private_. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/8 "2010-02-05T17:41:21Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > Please do not publish this PM on the board – send it to us. > > Send it to me. and > [@TubaDiva](#): > > Not at all, we’d just prefer not to air this sort of thing on the board. > > I don’t think anything is gained by making it public. If it’s concerning send it to the staff, let us investigate. Both of those posts, when made by someone with the word Administrator under her name, serve as little more than directives. It sounds like an order. And yet we spent a multi-page thread not long ago coming to the conclusion that Private Messages need not be kept private, and that if the recipient chooses to share them with the Boards, then that is his or her right. In that very thread you yourself said: > [@twickster, what part of "private" don't you understand?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/twickster-what-part-of-private-dont-you-understand/510330/122): > > Please see here: [Private messages are not necessarily confidential](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=532910) And yet now you are asking the OP not to make it public, and are putting the Board’s administrative weight behind a request to keep it private. I think that’s completely inappropriate. All you need to say in response to the OP is something like this: > [@](#): > > Private messages are subject to the same rules about not being a jerk as the rest of the board. If you would like someone to look at this PM in an official capacity, you are welcome to forward it to me or one of the other Admins or Moderators. Why make a point of effectively prohibiting, in this case, something that the whole board (including you) has recently determined is not, in fact, prohibited? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/9 "2010-02-05T17:54:06Z")
I must concur with my esteemed colleagues; that does indeed sound like a directive (“Please do not publish this PM on the board”) in an area where, as noted, we have already decided that private messages are not to be considered private for all intents and purposes. I guess the acid test is, what would happen if **Jump** decided to post it here for all to see? There is at least one thing to be gained from posting it - my curiosity would be assuaged. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/10 "2010-02-05T19:28:15Z")
Is there such a thing as “publish it if you want, but we’d rather you didn’t”? 'Cause that sounds like what **TD** is saying. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/11 "2010-02-05T19:32:09Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Is there such a thing as “publish it if you want, but we’d rather you didn’t”? > > 'Cause that sounds like what **TD** is saying. And what part of this reasonable request(_not_ order) are you having trouble comprehending? ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/12 "2010-02-05T19:36:36Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > andBoth of those posts, when made by someone with the word Administrator under her name, serve as little more than directives. It sounds like an order. This sounds like you’re stirring up trouble where there isn’t any. PM’s can be posted publicly. Tuba was just saying that it would be easier if the PM was just forwarded to her so she can take care of it. Nothing to be gained by making it public, of course if the OP wants to, there’s no rule against it. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/13 "2010-02-05T20:16:01Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > This sounds like you’re stirring up trouble where there isn’t any. > PM’s can be posted publicly. Tuba was just saying that it would be easier if the PM was just forwarded to her so she can take care of it. Nothing to be gained by making it public, of course if the OP wants to, there’s no rule against it. Not trying to stir up anything. But, in my opinion, when an Administrator says something like… > [@TubaDiva](#): > > Please do not publish this PM on the board – send it to us. …then it comes across as much more an order than a mere suggestion. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/14 "2010-02-05T20:40:33Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > And what part of this reasonable request(_not_ order) are you having trouble comprehending? How is **Shodan** not comprehending it? I thought he _was_ pointing out that it was a reasonable request. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2010, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/15 "2010-02-05T20:55:29Z")
> [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](#): > > How is **Shodan** not comprehending it? I thought he _was_ pointing out that it was a reasonable request. If that is the case, then my sincere apologies to **Shodan**. ---
**Author:** ![pope\_hentai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@pope\_hentai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pope_hentai)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/16 "2010-02-06T02:48:56Z")
> [@Jump](#): > > I received a PM with a pretty simple, but abusive message contained, with no context or anything. > > I replied asking for an explaination but so far have received no response. Is there anything i can do about this? hmm… i actually received a message like that a couple weeks ago as well… ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/17 "2010-02-06T04:24:57Z")
> [@pope\_hentai](#): > > hmm… i actually received a message like that a couple weeks ago as well… Share! Forewarned is forearmed! Plus, you know, dirt. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/18 "2010-02-06T11:30:19Z")
> [@Jump](#): > > I received a PM with a pretty simple, but abusive message contained, with no context or anything. > > I replied asking for an explaination but so far have received no response. Is there anything i can do about this? If they put you on their ignore list, they’d never get it. And if something you posted got them mad enough to hurl “abuse” at you, they probably did. BTW, I know you apparently don’t want to reveal what was said, but would it have been against Pit rules? Because that would be another motivation to go to PMs which we have been told are essentially unmoderated. (Though I’m glad to see that something can be done), ---
**Author:** ![Jump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@Jump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jump)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/19 "2010-02-06T12:13:16Z")
Well the PM person saw this thread and sent me two PM’s today telling me that he saw this thread and thought that he’d explain himself. Firstly, his initial message was just “Fuck You”, and in his following messages he explained that it was due to this post [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...7&postcount=32](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...7&postcount=32) (Quite tame really) and then says… "Its petty, but I tend to put people on ignore easily. So if you sent me PMs wanting clarification I didn’t receive them. I saw your post on the ATMB forum having confusion about this, and am giving you clarification about why I sent that PM, what it was about & why I didn’t respond to PMs you may have sent back (I didn’t get them). Anyway, I’m not trying to talk you out of reporting me (I can be pretty rude and petty at times), but that is why I did it if you were wondering." (I’m assuming that since i didn’t name him, i’m not really breaching anyone’s privacy, and im not actually reporting him for anything) He seems like quite a nice guy, if a little irrational, and it’s a shame that one little comment from me would warrant such a response as well as sticking me on the ignore list. I’m just some guy on a message board, do i really warrant such an emotional response? I hope he mellows out, for his sake. By the way, since he said i am on his ignore list (and he didnt get my PM), how could he see this thread? ---
**Author:** ![Sapo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@Sapo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapo)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2010, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662/20 "2010-02-06T15:17:49Z")
linkie no workie ETA: Anyways, PMing a “fuck you” to someone for a post of theirs that you didn’t like is all kinds of chickenshit. Why can’t you just post and explain what you find wrong with it. Hell, or post “fuck you” and get your thrill. You are getting the warning anyways. “If you must do the time, at least do the crime”. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhat-abusive-pm/527662.md?page=2)