# Somewhere in my apartment..is an AWOL mini-crab. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 27, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699 "2001-05-27T19:30:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/1 "2001-05-27T19:30:53Z")
I’ve got a fish tank. Today I went to the fish store and bought a mini crab - he fits in the palm of your hand very easily - you could close your hand around him. One big old pincer and one small one. I proudly take him home. Within 10 minutes of being in the tank, \*\* the little fucker has escaped.\*\* I was proudly telling a friend I got the little guy and she said, “You have to watch those things, they are little escape artists.” That’s when I decided to check in on the little guy and see how he was doing. That’s when I discovered it. I felt around the tank, at the bottom of the stand, trying to feel a wet trail. But the crab was too smart for that. I grabbed a flashlight and searched under the couch, the fridge, the bookshelf, **…no where.** It’s a little creepy…knowing that the little fucker is somewhere in my apartment. It kills me how quickly he escaped…as if he thought, “You gotta be kidding me, putting me in here…novice.” My crab is Bond. Crab Bond. Any moment, I’ll hear his little crab voice taunting me, “You expect me to give up, Tibby? eh?” And I’ll say, “No…Mr. Crab Bond! I expect you to die!” Speaking of. Just how much could a small decomposing crab smell? (pleasedon’tanswerpleasedon’tanswer) The little shit is probably setting up camp somewhere along with Ralph S. Mouse. I’m expecting to see a little crab zoom out from the closet on a motorcycle and wearing a ping pong ball helmet. Any suggestions on catching Crab Bond? Tibs. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/2 "2001-05-27T19:34:13Z")
I can’t help but remember this joke: Q: How do you catch a rabbit? A: Sit still and make a noise like a carrot. What does Crabby eat? You could always try baiting him out into the open. ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/3 "2001-05-27T19:38:26Z")
This is disturbing…but I bought frozen blood worms to feed him. So uh…basically, that would involve setting out some thawed blood worms in my place. Not gonna happen. I need to get a female crab and name it Pussy Galore. There’s something so wrong with using the words pussy, galore and crab in the same sentence. Tibs. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/4 "2001-05-27T19:42:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tiburon \* > frozen blood worms > > There’s something so wrong with using the words pussy, galore and crab in the same sentence. Number 1: I thought that’s what Klingons ate. 🙂 Number 2: You are sooooo right. ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/5 "2001-05-27T19:58:03Z")
I don’t know what kind of crabs you have _snicker_. However I used to work in a pet store and trust me dead HERMIT crabs stink to high hell VERY shortly. Your’s will probably die in a vent, i’m sure of it. With its pinchers full of blood worms. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/6 "2001-05-27T20:15:05Z")
I feel for you, Tibby. I’ve had those things escape on me (they scale up the plastic plants and the filter tubing) dozens of times. Even worse, I used to own a couple of newts (Behemoth and Leviathan) who used to make a break for it whenever they could. As I recall, Leviathan died a natural death, but Behemoth escaped one day in my dorm room and was never seen again. Even when I moved out, I kept expecting to find a little mummified newt corpse, but it never turned up. But even before that, it wasn’t uncommon to look down and see a miserable, lint covered and most dehydrated newt sojourning across my floor. I’d drop them in the tank and they’d seem no worse for wear, but you’d think they’d learn. No amount of moving the plants about, keeping the water level low or Saran wrap and books on the top of the tank seemed to keep them in. On the plus side, I never noticed any reek from my missing crabs. ---
**Author:** ![Myrnalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c4cdca/32.png) [@Myrnalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrnalene)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/7 "2001-05-27T21:27:34Z")
[hijack] \*\* Jophiel \*\*, newts are the world’s most unkillable pet! When I was 8 or 9 I had one in a tiny, dingy and utterly unhospitable “tank”. The water was itself was usually so radioactively disgusting as to kill a lesser animal. Nate’s usual position was smashed against the wall of the tank by this huge rock I had in there. I would release him and he would wonder away, oblivious to the fact that his head had been bludgeoned in. Many times he would escape and once we found him days later on his back behind the TV, completely dried out and still alive. I had to give him away when I moved. He lived with a friend of mine until, terrified by his supernatural powers, she donated to a nearby elementary school. I bet ya he and Behemoth are still out there somewhere. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/8 "2001-05-27T21:33:24Z")
Put out a small, low saucer or large jar lid full of water. His self-preservation may help you find him. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/9 "2001-05-27T22:59:22Z")
We should start a club, Tibs. “Lesbians who own small crustaceans.” ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/10 "2001-05-27T23:30:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*“Lesbians who own small crustaceans.” \*\* There is a joke in there somewhere that I just can’t come up with. ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2001, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/11 "2001-05-27T23:39:45Z")
Um…Andygirl, I’m amazed but your post somehow made my day even _more_ weird. Something I would not have thought possible. 😉 Tibs. ---
**Author:** ![Carina42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Carina42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carina42)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/12 "2001-05-28T00:13:57Z")
uh oh. I dropped a small popcorn shrimp under my car seat one hot August day… {{{{{Tiburon}}}}} ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/13 "2001-05-28T01:13:11Z")
Well, I consider it one of my missions in life to inject surrealism into the everyday. That having been said, I hope you find the damn thing. Clea and Angua (my hermit crabs) are looking at me with their very buggy eyes. I find this quite endearing. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/14 "2001-05-28T01:34:38Z")
An ex-roommate once borrowed my car and when she returned it, there were dead squid in the door. Did I mention it was summer? Euwwww. I kicked her out of the apartment. Did you find your crab yet? ---
**Author:** ![Tiburon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e36b37/32.png) [@Tiburon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tiburon)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/15 "2001-05-28T01:48:47Z")
After a major apartment hunt, Crab Bond was sighted. Where? In the tank! I was so shocked. I ran up to the tank and he scuttled off into the grass stuff that I had bought when I bought the crab. He hid so well in it that even when I knew he was there, I couldn’t see him. I bought the grass originally for the baby fish - so they could hide from hungry parents. Looks like now they’ll be battling a crab. **Carina42** , the popcorn shrimp thing made me laugh. I had a tiny Chinese Algae Eater and that bugger totally disappeared last weekend. I cleaned the gravel - no where to be found. I checked all around the tank to see if it had flopped out - checked the water filter, everything. No little algae eater. I still don’t know what happened to it. With the crab ordeal today, I was starting to think that my tank was part of the Bermuda triangle. That being said…I know fish are just…uh, well, fish…but I swear the little buggers stare at me and ask me for food. Tibs. ---
**Author:** ![Carina42](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/439d5e/32.png) [@Carina42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carina42)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/16 "2001-05-28T12:28:12Z")
Maybe he’s one of those chameleon crabs? 🙂 I’m glad you found him! This has made me think about getting an aquarium again. I used to have Oscars. They really do beg for food - I fed them by hand. ---
**Author:** ![SwimmingRiddles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/43a26b/32.png) [@SwimmingRiddles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SwimmingRiddles)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/17 "2001-05-28T17:54:30Z")
The first pet my father owned (as a 30 year old man, BTW) was a turtle named Speedy. One day, my dad and mom decided to take Speedy on a walk in the park. And he escaped. And the frightening part is that I am not making ANY of this up. My father still gets all misty when thinking about Speedy. Good luck with your crab. I hear they hide well. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/18 "2001-05-28T18:05:49Z")
When I was a little kid I bought an “African tree frog”. I saved up for a week for the 53 cents (50 cents plus 6% tax – now tax is up to 7 3/4%) to get this little thing no bigger than a quarter. I put him in the tank with m red-tail sharks and he hung out on top of the grass. In the morning I went to look at him and what did I see? A meaty little skeleton sitting up on the bottom of the tank with its arms waving in the current that was set up by the aerators. ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/19 "2001-05-28T18:43:35Z")
Gee whiz **Johnny** , I’m less taken aback by your sad story about the frog than I am about your pitifull allowance. A whole week to save up 55¢? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2001, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699/20 "2001-05-28T19:24:09Z")
It was a long time ago. Actually, I didn’t really have an allowance. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/somewhere-in-my-apartment-is-an-awol-mini-crab/66699.md?page=2)