# Son Getting Bullied At School- Help Me! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 10, 2011, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532 "2011-11-10T19:58:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/81 "2011-12-09T00:57:58Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > Next time it happens, alert the police. Every single time. > > šŸ˜• > > PM me for my email and we can chat there. Oh, yes- I have found a special number for the police just to report criminal bullying at school, and you bet your ass Iā€™m going to use it from now on. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/82 "2011-12-09T01:02:22Z")
oh, and **Alice** , thereā€™s a movie called _Bullied_ that you may like. I got mine from the SLPC for $5 S&H fees because Iā€™m a teacherā€¦but maybe you can find a copy? You totally have legal recourse. Stand your ground. Please. Also, xo to your boy. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/83 "2011-12-09T01:03:31Z")
> [@FrillyNettles](#): > > I hesitate to post this because itā€™s so awful. But I feel I must, because it IS so awful. A local boy just killed himself because he was being bullied and could get no recourse from the adults at his schoolā€“the counselors, the administrators, the teachersā€“all failed to protect him. Granted, he was being bullied for another reasonā€“his sexual orientationā€“but bullying is bullying. He felt, for whatever reason, that his situation was just too intolerable to continue living. Kids donā€™t think very far into the future. He could not see that if he had just held out for another semester, heā€™d be out of that hell hole. > > Please listen to **Acid Lampā€™s** advice. I think it is spot on. Yes, itā€™s definitely a concern. And a big part of the reason that Iā€™ve gotten him into counseling and behavioral health. I donā€™t _think_ that he would kill himself, but he has spoken of it and Iā€™m very aware of the possibility. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/84 "2011-12-09T01:04:36Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > oh, and **Alice** , thereā€™s a movie called _Bullied_ that you may like. I got mine from the SLPC for $5 S&H fees because Iā€™m a teacherā€¦but maybe you can find a copy? > > You totally have legal recourse. Stand your ground. Please. > > Also, xo to your boy. Thanks- Iā€™ll look for it. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/85 "2011-12-09T01:12:03Z")
This thread made me cry when I saw the updates. (Again.) Please, are you sure you canā€™t homeschool? Even for a year? Try another school, try harder? Just keep trying your options in the meantime? This must be TERRIBLE for you. Does he have a cell phone so that he can reach you in an emergency? ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/86 "2011-12-09T02:50:29Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > Oh, yes- I have found a special number for the police just to report criminal bullying at school, and you bet your ass Iā€™m going to use it from now on. Thanks! Good. You also need to use the general number and report and press charges on each and every assault on your child. That is what it is. ---
**Author:** ![Argent\_Towers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Argent\_Towers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Argent_Towers)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/87 "2011-12-09T03:51:11Z")
Whatever education he would be getting at school IS NOT WORTH the trauma it sounds like he is undergoing. NOT WORTH IT! Get him the fuck out of that school! Even if it means he sits at home doing _nothing_. What is he learning at this school, how to turn bricks into gold? What amount of information could be so valuable that itā€™s worth subjecting him to hellish abuse? Iā€™m serious about this. Get him the fuck out of the school, bring him home, let him stay at home until you can figure this situation out, even if all he does is play video games. Really! ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/88 "2011-12-09T04:02:51Z")
I wish I could do that, **Argent**. I tried to do that, twice, to force them to put him in another school or he just wouldnā€™t go. It 1)didnā€™t work, 2)will probably cause him to miss enough school that he will have to repeat 7th grade next year, and 3)caused me a great deal of anxiety over possible legal ramifications against me for truancy. It feels horrible and wrong to send him to school, and also horrible and wrong for him to be at home instead of at school. The only thing I can think of now is to talk the psychiatrist he will be seeing at behavioral health for meds and see if they have any thoughts on what we could do, seeing as how it is clearly affecting his mental health. One more full week of school and it will be semester break, and there is the possibility that an opening will come up in another school. Also, if any more bullying occurs, it will be addressed in an urgent and forceful manner. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/89 "2011-12-09T06:38:51Z")
Homeschool. You donā€™t have to do it during the daytime. And in 7th grade, he can be home alone in the day, right? ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/90 "2011-12-09T12:39:41Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I wish I could do that, **Argent**. I tried to do that, twice, to force them to put him in another school or he just wouldnā€™t go. It 1)didnā€™t work, 2)will probably cause him to miss enough school that he will have to repeat 7th grade next year, and 3)caused me a great deal of anxiety over possible legal ramifications against me for truancy. It feels horrible and wrong to send him to school, and also horrible and wrong for him to be at home instead of at school. The only thing I can think of now is to talk the psychiatrist he will be seeing at behavioral health for meds and see if they have any thoughts on what we could do, seeing as how it is clearly affecting his mental health. One more full week of school and it will be semester break, and there is the possibility that an opening will come up in another school. Also, if any more bullying occurs, it will be addressed in an urgent and forceful manner. ā€œthe hellā€? Really? You are already too defeated to think of anything but drug your own child so he doesnā€™t mind the abuse. Nice. You go and buy homeschool materials. You go and join a group, do the paperwork and _Do your job as a parent_. YOU chose to handle this. YOU fix it; or start teaching your young man, for that is what he is now, to defend himself and get ready for a different type of fight with the system. You child is being _beaten, abused, and tormented_, and the best you can do as mother is to send him back after breaking your own word too, and drug his ass to endure it? _He has mentioned thoughts of suicide_ He doesnā€™t need drugs. He needs the torment and beatings to end. He needs to be able to deal with situation in a real manner, and since youā€™ve decided to handle it for him, he needs you to pull up your big girl panties, get into momma bear mode, and FIGHT FOR YOUR CHILDā€™S SAFETY. Guess what **Alice**? You might well get a few truancy fines slapped on your ass. It happens. Iā€™m not a parent but I can tell you Iā€™d go to the absolute wall for any children Iā€™d have, and nearly as far for my nephew, and some other children of close friends that Iā€™m like an uncle to. I can tell you concretely that Iā€™d see myself drawn and quartered before Iā€™d send a child unprepared back into an abusive environment. ---
**Author:** ![Acid\_Lamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Acid\_Lamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acid_Lamp)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/91 "2011-12-09T12:50:25Z")
You know what? Iā€™m so angry right now Iā€™m going to add to my post. You want advice? Here is the best I can give. You march your ass into the Principalā€™s office, refuse to leave until youā€™ve met with them, and tell them the following: "Since it appears I have no other option but to keep my child in your care and responsibility, I am expecting you to take all measures to ensure his safety. I have no faith in your ability to do so, but it seems I have no other recourse available to me at the moment. For every time my child comes home abused from this point on I will be filing a police report and lawsuit for criminal assault against the abusers, and one against the School district, His teachers, and you personally for negligence and anything else that might stick. He has an expectation of a safe learning environment, and you have consistently failed him and either ignored our complaints or failed to take them seriously. This is completely unacceptable. Further, I will be contacting the media and explaining to \*them \* the situation, that you seem to be unable to prevent a learning disabled boy from being beaten in your care, which i imagine will be extremely interesting to them. I will not further negotiate with you. I expect you to do your jobs, stick to your supposed principles against this type of behaviour and remedy this issue. ---
**Author:** ![Poysyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f4b2a3/32.png) [@Poysyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Poysyn)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/92 "2011-12-09T16:02:58Z")
> [@Acid\_Lamp](#): > > You know what? Iā€™m so angry right now Iā€™m going to add to my post. > > You want advice? Here is the best I can give. > > You march your ass into the Principalā€™s office, refuse to leave until youā€™ve met with them, and tell them the following: "Since it appears I have no other option but to keep my child in your care and responsibility, I am expecting you to take all measures to ensure his safety. I have no faith in your ability to do so, but it seems I have no other recourse available to me at the moment. For every time my child comes home abused from this point on I will be filing a police report and lawsuit for criminal assault against the abusers, and one against the School district, His teachers, and you personally for negligence and anything else that might stick. He has an expectation of a safe learning environment, and you have consistently failed him and either ignored our complaints or failed to take them seriously. This is completely unacceptable. Further, I will be contacting the media and explaining to \*them \* the situation, that you seem to be unable to prevent a learning disabled boy from being beaten in your care, which i imagine will be extremely interesting to them. I will not further negotiate with you. I expect you to do your jobs, stick to your supposed principles against this type of behaviour and remedy this issue. This is what I did. My child was bullied onceā€¦once but _by the teacher_ and I was in that principalā€™s office and stayed with it until it was faxed. I mentioned the media and all sorts of hell I would rain down if it wasnā€™t fixedā€¦and he believed me because I stood there in uniform and meant every single word. I used words like bullying, harrassment, media and litigation. I received a contrite call from the teacher within an hour and it stopped, immediately. If I even suspected my child was being tormented, I would homeschool her in a heartbeat. There is no job more important than being a parentā€¦not being a helicopter parent but when you know the abuse is happening, you do something. Have you called the media? I can help you get your messaging done, if you needā€¦ ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/93 "2011-12-09T20:09:13Z")
> [@Alice\_The\_Goon](#): > > I know- I feel very bad for making him go back. But I donā€™t know what else to do. No one is giving me any other options. ā˜¹ Keep him out of the school. If the school says there is no other option, they are lying. They donā€™t want to look like they canā€™t handle it and they donā€™t want to go to the trouble. Keep him home and eventually someone will come crawling to you and presenting you with the other options that surely are out there. What do you think will happen if you just keep him home? Eventually it will get escalated and the problem will be addressed. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/94 "2011-12-09T20:24:42Z")
> [@ratatoskK](#): > > What do you think will happen if you just keep him home? Eventually it will get escalated and the problem will be addressed. Well, if he misses enough school, she could be arrested. So, thereā€™s that. Iā€™m not sure who will fight for him if sheā€™s sitting in jail because of truancy. ---
**Author:** ![AndyLee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@AndyLee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AndyLee)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/95 "2011-12-09T20:27:05Z")
Your problem is youā€™re looking at this as one problem. Itā€™s a lot of problems. First of all is your kidā€™s immediate safety. You need to find withdraw him from school and keep him out. Send an certified letter to the principal and others telling exactly why youā€™re taking this step. Youā€™re going to have to wait, till they come looking for you, to as why your kid is out of school. Yes, that means possible legal problems for you, but they arenā€™t doing anything. The certified letter will help you in defense. Only after the problem comes to a head will they look at it. Then your second problem is keeping your kid educated. As bad as itā€™s to be bullied, itā€™s going to be worse next year, when heā€™s held back a year and bullied. Third is getting emotional support for your kid and yourself. Fourth is long term techniques for helping your child survive in the real world, where bullies are a common thing. And that is just four areas. As you can see a problem like yours is overwhelming when youā€™re confronted with it. You have to break it down piece by piece and takle each piece on itā€™s own. And that isnā€™t easy. Add to that your son is 13, which is pretty much the worst time for any male kid, whatever he is. I wish you well, but youā€™re going to have to do somnething drastic, and the first step is removing the kid, till the school can guarantee his safety. Document the step with a letter and wait till the school comes to you. Unfortunately only after it comes to a head are they going to bother with you. I wish you well. And donā€™t let this mess, keep you or your kid from having a happy holiday. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/96 "2011-12-09T20:38:21Z")
Ditto on the truancy / arrested. Especially if the school folks start getting nervous, theyā€™re likely to start trying to get the heat off themselves by getting YOU in trouble. Does your school district offer any kind of electronic classroom program? A lot of them do, nowadays - the kids are basically homeschooled but follow a curriculum including (I think) periodic live meetings (via webcam or something). Friends in the Phoenix area use that program. I think theirs is provided by K12, which is a for-profit developer of curriculums (curricula?) for such purposes. That is free, to the families (donā€™t know if they have to provide the computer or if the school does so). Might this be an option in your case? I donā€™t know your work situation, whether your son could do such work independently, etc, but itā€™s something to look into. I went to the Pima County Schools webpage and found this: [http://www.schools.pima.gov/images/uploads/vitual\_schools\_09-10.pdf](http://www.schools.pima.gov/images/uploads/vitual_schools_09-10.pdf) ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/97 "2011-12-09T21:10:13Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Well, if he misses enough school, she could be arrested. So, thereā€™s that. Iā€™m not sure who will fight for him if sheā€™s sitting in jail because of truancy. Oh give me a break!:rolleyes: Sheā€™s going to state in writing why heā€™s staying at home and that she has stated that his current placement is inappropriate for about a million reasons. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/98 "2011-12-09T21:22:58Z")
> [@ratatoskK](#): > > Oh give me a break!:rolleyes: Sheā€™s going to state in writing why heā€™s staying at home and that she has stated that his current placement is inappropriate for about a million reasons. Maybe, but that might not stop the school from being jerks, especially if theyā€™re getting nervous. From [here](http://www.enotes.com/everyday-law-encyclopedia/truancy), > [@](#): > > Research on truancy in Arizona began in the early 1990s. **Pima County** had the highest truancy rate in the state during this time period; in fact, truants from this county made up half of all truants in the state. Because of the extent of the problem, Pima County began a program called ACT Now (Abolish Chronic Truancy) which aimed to strictly enforce state and district truancy laws and offer a diversion program to address the root causes of truancy. The program also sought to provide serious sanctions for both juveniles and their parents if truancy persisted or if conditions specified by the diversion program were not metā€¦Many states also hold parents accountable for their childrenā€™s truancy, and Arizona was the first state to implement such laws. It does not specifically say that _Arizona_ parents can be jailed (it does cite Pennsylvania and Virginia as having the ability to do so). It does say the _child_ can come to the attention of the law. So, the rolleyes are not called for. Do I think the school would immediately jump to bring the law in on the truancy situation? Possibly not. Do I think they might do so at some point? Yeah. And I donā€™t think theyā€™d bother showing that certified letter to the court if they werenā€™t forced to. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/99 "2011-12-09T21:23:09Z")
> [@ratatoskK](#): > > Oh give me a break!:rolleyes: Sheā€™s going to state in writing why heā€™s staying at home and that she has stated that his current placement is inappropriate for about a million reasons. The world does not work the way you think it does. ---
**Author:** ![FrillyNettles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ea924/32.png) [@FrillyNettles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FrillyNettles)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532/100 "2011-12-09T22:05:31Z")
They wonā€™t arrest you for truancy as long as you use the proper education speak. The law is actually on your side, as they are in violation of his IEP and are denying him a Free Appropriate Public Education, as required by law. When I was going through IEP hell with one of my own kids, this web site [http://www.wrightslaw.com/](http://www.wrightslaw.com/) was a godsend. Seriously, you will find anything and everything you need here to win this battle. You can even make the school district pay for his private school tuition in the event they cannot offer him FAPE. Apparently, they cannot meet his needs, as they keep claiming there is no other placement. You have a lot more rights than you know. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/son-getting-bullied-at-school-help-me/602532.md?page=6)