# Sondheim & The Straight Dope.. for your amusement **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 5, 2000, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sondheim-the-straight-dope-for-your-amusement/44065 "2000-12-05T02:48:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ankh\_Too](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Ankh\_Too](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ankh_Too)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2000, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sondheim-the-straight-dope-for-your-amusement/44065/1 "2000-12-05T02:48:53Z")
_With apologies and respects to Mr. Sondheim, I was a) just that bored, b) having delusions of adequacy and c) on a terrible showtunes kick lately. All the ingredients required in a recipe of disaster. But without further ado…_ **A Post Yet to Write** _(to be sung to the tune of **Comedy Tonight** from A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum_) _ **Prologue** - Straight Dopers, I bid you welcome. The Dope is a temple and we are hear to worship the gods of Enlightenment and Ignorance. Tonight, I am pleased to announce some Enlightenment. We shall employ every device we know in our desire to inform you._ Something amusing, something confusing; Something for everyone, a post yet to write! Something abusive, something conducive; Something for everyone, a post yet to write! Nothing with twits, nothing with clods; Bring on the posters, trollers and frauds! Old conversations, new revelations; Nothing too heavy or too light! Real work tomorrow, a post yet to write! Something expressive, something possessive, Something for everyone, a post yet to write! Something ecstatic, something dramatic Something for everyone, a post yet to write! Nothing with sense, nothing with taste Obsessive behavior is not a waste! Nothing too sassy, nothing to classy No more citations left to cite! Unlock the server; A post yet to write! Something that’s flirty, something that’s dirty; Something for everyone; a post yet to write! Hurtful and healing; strictly revealing: Something for everyone, a post yet to write! And now, the entire populace. Something amusing, something confusing; Something for everybody; a post yet to write! Something that’s naughty; something that’s bawdy; Something for everybawdy, a post left to write! Nothing that’s good, nothing that’s bad; Although we didn’t I wish we had! Some revelations! More complications! Dozens of posters are online! Commonplace and pointless! Theology and justice! Those foreskins and testes! Elections and theses! Hypotheses! Philosophies! Confessions! Depressions! Turncoats! Votes! Time! Crime! Flamers! Lamers! Gamblers! Ramblers! Even if hoarse, no need to force; Questions will be answered, of course! Pilots and prophets; Which one’s the puppet? Everyone knows Cecil’s always right! Real work tomorrow, A post yet to write! ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2000, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sondheim-the-straight-dope-for-your-amusement/44065/2 "2000-12-05T02:55:56Z")
_Golf clap_ Bravo!!! ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2000, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sondheim-the-straight-dope-for-your-amusement/44065/3 "2000-12-05T03:03:20Z")
Very, very nice…other than I am going to be humming that tune for the next few days. ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2000, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sondheim-the-straight-dope-for-your-amusement/44065/4 "2000-12-05T03:22:02Z")
Ah, to go along with this, here is another show tune: _Ya Got Trouble, my apologies to Meredith Willson_ Well, ya got trouble, my internet friend Right here, I say trouble right here in SDMB Why, sure, I’m a message board poster Certainly mighty proud to post I’m always mighty proud to post it I consider the hours I spend with a computer at my finger tips to be golden Help you fight Ignorance and a mad fool and a big jerk Didja ever take an try an give an ironic answer to someone from a three-page long thread But just as I say it takes judgement, brains and maturity to score in a pit post I say that any jerk can take and shove a “me too” in a thread An I call that sloth, the first big step on the road to the debth of degreda I say, first medicinal whine from a chatroom, than flirting from a poster And the next thing your son is posting for sex on the internet And listenin to sin big post count oldie hear him tell about the AOL posting Not a good internet connection, no but a connection where they log you off without notice Like to see some stuck up poster posting to GD Make your blood boil, well I should say Oh we got trouble Right here in SDMB Right here in SDMB With the Capital “T” and that rhymes with “P” and that stands for posts ---
**Author:** ![Ankh\_Too](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Ankh\_Too](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ankh_Too)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2000, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sondheim-the-straight-dope-for-your-amusement/44065/5 "2000-12-05T15:15:12Z")
Hmmmmm, I think i’m going to have to improve my lyrical ability before I attempt that again. Thanks **Smeghead** and **Medea’s Child**. I certainly hope you didn’t whip that up between the time posted mine and you posted yours, **deb**. If you keep things like that up and i’m going to develop a pretty serious inferiority complex. Nicely done. ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2000, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sondheim-the-straight-dope-for-your-amusement/44065/6 "2000-12-05T18:49:09Z")
Actually **Ankh\_Too** I liked your song so much it inspired me to use one of my favorite songs from a musical and do a parody as well. Actually I think yours is much better than mine. ---
**Author:** ![deb2world](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7cd45c/32.png) [@deb2world](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deb2world)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2000, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sondheim-the-straight-dope-for-your-amusement/44065/7 "2000-12-06T02:04:10Z")
I didn’t mean to kill this thread. I thought it would be fun to have other posters look up their favorite show tune and make a parody of a section of the song. ::deb goes off to sit in corner and contemplate sin of killing a thread:: ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2000, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sondheim-the-straight-dope-for-your-amusement/44065/8 "2000-12-12T16:22:39Z")
I can’t come with anything quite so…_ahem_…pithy as above on the topic of the SDMB, but a discussion on another list over Disney making the Beast in _Beauty and the Beast_ far too cute and fuzzy to be repulsive led to idle speculation about the potential merits of such shows as _Beauty and the Leper_, _Beauty and the Elephant Man_, and finally _Beauty and the Cthuloid_: > [@](#): > > Be our guest, > Be our guest, > As your planet we infest. > Kill a virgin for Cthulu > Let Yog Soggoth do the rest! > You will find > That our kind > Drive you quite out of your mind; > As you face the Creeping Chaos, > Can your horror be suppressed? > Let’s be plain: > Please refrain > From a trip to central Maine, > Or you’ll end up dead, dismembered or possessed! > Come on and join us now – > We’ll conquer anyhow! > Don’t be blessed! > Be a pest! > Be our guest! jr8 “why yes, I **am** quite sad; thanks for asking!”