# Songs About Masturbation {Male and Female} **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 22, 2005, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066 "2005-01-22T10:57:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/1 "2005-01-22T10:57:20Z")
OK, so how many can we come up with? Let’s start with the classics: I got The Who, with **Pictures Of Lily** and **Mary Anne With The Shaky Hand** ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/2 "2005-01-22T11:05:23Z")
“I Touch Myself” by Divinyls, of course. (I can’t believe there was a time I didn’t “get” that one!) ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 11:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/3 "2005-01-22T11:25:26Z")
Blister in the Sun by the Violent Femmes ---
**Author:** ![coop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/87869e/32.png) [@coop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coop)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/4 "2005-01-22T11:31:03Z")
**Hokey Pokey** You put your left hand in, you put your left hand out… Oh, I am so going to the other place for that really, really bad try-hard :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Oregon\_sunshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Oregon\_sunshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oregon_sunshine)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/5 "2005-01-22T11:32:04Z")
The 80s… “Little Nikki” by Prince “She Bop” by Cyndi Lauper ---
**Author:** ![seosamh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@seosamh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seosamh)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 11:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/6 "2005-01-22T11:44:25Z")
**Turning Japanese** by the Vapors (male). ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/7 "2005-01-22T11:46:54Z")
Elvis Costello - Pump it Up Hair the Musical - Sodomy - for the line “Masturbation can be fun” ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/8 "2005-01-22T11:51:40Z")
Guster - Barrel of a Gun ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/9 "2005-01-22T11:51:42Z")
Also from The Who, there’s the not-so-subtle, “How Can You Do It Alone?” ---
**Author:** ![Lambo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lambo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lambo)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/10 "2005-01-22T11:58:20Z")
**Get a Grip** by Semisonic. **Dancing With Myself** by Billy Idol? **Donald and Lydia** by John Prine (based on the line near the end, “…mostly, they made love from 10 miles away.”) ---
**Author:** ![cckerberos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@cckerberos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cckerberos)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/11 "2005-01-22T12:41:52Z")
Tori Amos - Icicle ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/12 "2005-01-22T12:57:02Z")
I’d argue for the Beatles’ song “Help!”, at least referencing: > [@](#): > > When I was younger, so much younger than today, > I never needed anybody’s help in any way. This requires, of course, that you understand what the singer needs help with. > [@](#): > > Help me if you can, I’m feeling down; > And I do appreciate you being round ---
**Author:** ![Labdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Labdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labdad)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/13 "2005-01-22T13:22:31Z")
“Rattlesnake Shake” by Fleetwood Mac (“I know this guy/his name is Mick/Now he don’t care/if he ain’t got no chick”) ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/14 "2005-01-22T14:20:58Z")
[The Winker’s Song (Misprint)](http://freespace.virgin.net/stephen.theobald/lyrics_winkerssong.txt) by Ivor Biggun. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/15 "2005-01-22T14:45:14Z")
> [@seosamh](#): > > **Turning Japanese** by the Vapors (male). In a VH1 show (can’t remember the name but it was about the true intent of songs), the band said the song wasn’t about masturbation. Can’t remember what they said it was about though. ---
**Author:** ![Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ass_For_A_Hat)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/16 "2005-01-22T15:21:43Z")
> [@C K Dexter Haven](#): > > I’d argue for the Beatles’ song “Help!” I’d always believed that this was a drug song and the references like the ones you quoted were to pot. IIRC, this was recorded at the time when The Beatles were new to marijuana…having of course been introduced to it by the great Mr. Zimmerman. I’d also read that John was quite stoned when the song was recorded. No one’s mentioned Green Day’s _Longview_, one of the more obvious masturbation songs out there. ---
**Author:** ![bupkis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c37758/32.png) [@bupkis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bupkis)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/17 "2005-01-22T15:22:44Z")
“Sun In My Mouth” by Bjork ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/18 "2005-01-22T15:32:43Z")
I kinda wonder about the Beatles “A Little Help from My Friends”- “Do you believe in a love at first sight? Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time. What do you see (feel?) when you turn out the light? I can’t tell you but I know it’s mine…” ---
**Author:** ![EvilHamsterOnCrack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@EvilHamsterOnCrack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilHamsterOnCrack)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/19 "2005-01-22T15:34:21Z")
Zebrahead - Playmate of the Year Crappy song, but meh, fits with what you need. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/20 "2005-01-22T16:46:27Z")
> [@uglybeech](#): > > Elvis Costello - Pump it Up > Hair the Musical - Sodomy - for the line “Masturbation can be fun” “When masturbation’s lost it’s fun you’re fucking lazy” from Green Day’s “Longview”. _Bite my lip and close my eyes Take me away to paradise I’m so damn bored I’m going BLIND!!! And I smell like shit_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066.md?page=2)