# Songs About Masturbation {Male and Female} **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 22, 2005, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066 "2005-01-22T10:57:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/21 "2005-01-22T16:47:36Z")
> [@Ass For A Hat](#): > > No one’s mentioned Green Day’s _Longview_, one of the more obvious masturbation songs out there. Sorry, missed that. ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/22 "2005-01-22T17:01:14Z")
Rosie by **Jackson Browne** of course. > [@](#): > > Well I sat her down right next to me > And I got her a beer > While I mixed that sound on stage > So the band could hear > The more I watched her watch them play > The less I could think of to say > And when they walked off stage > The drummer swept that girl away > > But rosie you’re all right – you wear my ring > When you hold me tight – rosie that’s my thing > When you turn out the light – I’ve got to hand it to me > Looks like it’s me and you again tonight rosie [http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jackson-browne/68633.html](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/j/jackson-browne/68633.html) ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/23 "2005-01-22T17:17:20Z")
Rammstein Spiel mit mir[spiel mit mir](http://herzeleid.com/en/lyrics/sehnsucht#spiel_mit_mir) Though it is more about brother convincing his brother to whack him off, but close enough. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/24 "2005-01-22T17:34:44Z")
There are several songs titled _All By Myself_, I mention for the heck of it. ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/25 "2005-01-22T17:44:12Z")
Billy Joel’s \*Captain Jack \* is mostly about getting stoned, but there’s _Your sister’s gone out on a date And you just sit at home and masturbate…_ ---
**Author:** ![bigdfrombigd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/df705f/32.png) [@bigdfrombigd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bigdfrombigd)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/26 "2005-01-22T19:14:13Z")
“Round, Round” by The Sugababes, or so I’ve been told. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/27 "2005-01-22T19:21:13Z")
Neil Diamond once claimed that _Cracklin’ Rosie_ was about getting drunk on wine and masturbating. I took his word for it, but you know how hard it is to figure out Diamond’s lyrics. Diamond is shown miming masturbation on the cover of _Hot August Night._ Miming, that is, if his member is the size of a salami. ---
**Author:** ![Crusoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Crusoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crusoe)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/28 "2005-01-22T20:08:35Z")
The Nubiles, _Tatiana_ ---
**Author:** ![Aagramn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e8c25b/32.png) [@Aagramn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aagramn)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/29 "2005-01-22T20:18:52Z")
Teenage Kicks by The Undertones. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/30 "2005-01-22T20:36:13Z")
_867-5309_, by Tommy Tutone: “I tried to call you before, but I lost my nerve I tried my imagination, but I was disturbed” _In My Room_, by the Beach Boys. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Amazing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@Captain\_Amazing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Amazing)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/31 "2005-01-22T20:41:25Z")
Chuck Berry’s “My Ding-a-ling”? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/32 "2005-01-22T20:55:05Z")
> [@Kantalooppi](#): > > Guster - Barrel of a Gun Someone mentioned this song the last time one of these threads was started and I didn’t get an answer then either. How is this song about masturbation? ---
**Author:** ![Ms\_Boods](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5e9695/32.png) [@Ms\_Boods](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Boods)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/33 "2005-01-22T21:08:43Z")
Everley Brothers, ‘All I have to Do (is Dream)’ ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/34 "2005-01-22T21:19:09Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Someone mentioned this song the last time one of these threads was started and I didn’t get an answer then either. > > How is this song about masturbation? It was the same someone in the last thread. And I agree, it’s not about mastubation. The only line in it that sounds remotely like it’s about wacking off is this one “4 3 2 1 Went out the barrel of a gun” if you think of gun metaphors :dubious: . The rest of the song is about being obsessed with a star, so it’s more likely about stalking - perhaps with the intent to kill said star, explaining the aformentioned gun line as being ment to be taken more literally. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/35 "2005-01-22T21:24:11Z")
There’s a line about wet dreams “drip drop a lovely dream”, but that has jackall to do with masturbation and you’re right, the song is obviously about a guy obsessed with a movie star. It’s not about masturbation! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/36 "2005-01-22T21:29:27Z")
Express Yourself - Madonna (you’ll do much better, baby, on your own.) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/37 "2005-01-22T21:54:54Z")
> [@seosamh](#): > > **Turning Japanese** by the Vapors (male). :eek: Really??? Oh, my. ---
**Author:** ![seriousart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@seriousart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seriousart)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/38 "2005-01-22T22:12:26Z")
Surprised no one’s mentioned “Orgasm Addict” by the Buzzcocks > [@](#): > > well you tried it just for once found it all right for kicks. > but now you found out that it’s a habit that sticks. > and you’re an orgasm addict. > you’re an orgasm addict. > sneaking in the back door with dirty magazines. > now your mother wants to know what all those stains on your jeans. > and you’re an orgasm addict. > you’re an orgasm addict Incidentally, I saw an interview with Gordon Gano from the Violent Femmes where he vehemently denied that Blister in the Sun was about masturbating, despite the popular belief. Seems it was written about this girl he had a crush on in High School who remarked that he had “small hands”. He supposedly was jealous of guys she seemed to have interest in with larger hands. Hence the “big hands you know your the one” line. Is he fibbing? I dunno. Just passing along the info. He didn’t bother to explain the “I stain my sheets, I don’t even know why” line. ---
**Author:** ![davmilasav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@davmilasav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davmilasav)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/39 "2005-01-22T22:37:04Z")
How about “Imaginary Lovers” by Atlanta Rhythm Section? I mean, you don’t just imagine them lounging about the house drinking tea, now do you? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![cbawlmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cbawlmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbawlmer)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/40 "2005-01-22T22:39:49Z")
Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066.md?page=3)