# Songs About Masturbation {Male and Female} **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 22, 2005, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066 "2005-01-22T10:57:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/41 "2005-01-22T22:55:18Z")
Bruce Sprinsteen’s “Dancing in the Dark” is mostly about trying to find someone to have a one night stand with, but it does reference masturbation a couple of times: I ain’t nothing but tired Man I’m just tired and bored with myself Hey there baby, I could use just a little help and I’m dying for some action I’m sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book I need a love reaction ---
**Author:** ![Kaitlyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/73ab20/32.png) [@Kaitlyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaitlyn)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/42 "2005-01-22T22:59:04Z")
In “Similar Features” Melissa Etheridge compares having emotionless sex to masturbation: **Dancing with the wall** made you bitter and sweet There ain’t much you can do when they just lay it at your feet But you could tell by the song I wanted to be the one Did you listen again when the damage was done **Now the paint’s still wet in your do-it-by-number dream** Are you gonna tell me how it felt, will you tell me what it means ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2005, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/43 "2005-01-22T23:57:56Z")
Not sure this “counts” but I got a kick out of Kevin Bacon’s little song on SNL: [“Cleaning my rifle”](http://snltranscripts.jt.org/90/90lrifle.phtml) Hey he has albums! Don’t know if this is on any of them though. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/44 "2005-01-23T00:12:37Z")
I really think some of these are stretching it. A few lyrics you think are about masturbation seem to be about being alone and frustrated, which isn’t really the same thing. ---
**Author:** ![nitroglycerine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@nitroglycerine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nitroglycerine)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/45 "2005-01-23T00:53:22Z")
Devo has a few: “Slap Your Mammy”, Praying Hands" and Penetration In The Centerfold". Billy Thorpe (the “Children Of The Sun” guy) had a hit in the early 80s called “In My Room.” There’s “Vibrator” from Motorhead,“No Bone Movies” from Ozzy “Jack Shack” by Nasville Pussy and don’t forget about Cindy Lauper’s “She Bop” ---
**Author:** ![Reeder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Reeder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reeder)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/46 "2005-01-23T01:24:15Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > I really think some of these are stretching it. A few lyrics you think are about masturbation seem to be about being alone and frustrated, which isn’t really the same thing. Rosie is masturbation and nothing else. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/47 "2005-01-23T02:16:34Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > A few lyrics you think are about masturbation seem to be about being alone and frustrated, which isn’t really the same thing. Speak for yourself. ---
**Author:** ![fighting\_ignorant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ac8455/32.png) [@fighting\_ignorant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fighting_ignorant)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 2:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/48 "2005-01-23T02:23:22Z")
Well, not masturbation exactly, but… I nominate “Sally” by the Police: > [@](#): > > I was low and lonely, I couldn’t sleep a wink > And I could only get unconscious if I’d had to much to drink. > There was somehow, something wrong somewhere > And each day seemed gray and dead > The seeds of desperation were growing in me head. > I needed inspiration, a brand new start in life, > Somewhere to place affection, but I didn’t want a wife. > And then by lucky chance I saw, in a “special” magazine > An ad. that was unusual, the like I’d never seen, > “Experience something different, with our new, imported toy! > She’s loving, warm, inflatible and a guarantee of joy!” > She came all wrapped in cardboard, all pink and shrivelled down; > A breath of air was all she needed to make her lose that frown. > I took her to the bedroom, and pumped her with some life, > And later, in a moment, that girl became my wife. > And so I sit her in the corner, and sometimes stroke her hair > And when I’m feeling naughty I blow her up with air > She’s cuddly and she’s bouncy, she’s like a rubber ball! > I bounce her in the kitchen and I bounce her in the hall. > And now my life is different, since Sally came my way > I wake up in the morning and have her on a tray > She’s everything they said she was , and I wear a permanent grin! > Now I only have to worry, in case my girl wears thin ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/49 "2005-01-23T03:13:49Z")
> [@fighting ignorant](#): > > Well, not masturbation exactly, but… I nominate “Sally” by the Police: In that case I must nominate “In Every Dream Home a Heartache” [http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/roxy-music/118970.html](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/roxy-music/118970.html) ---
**Author:** ![ussentinel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ce7236/32.png) [@ussentinel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ussentinel)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/50 "2005-01-23T03:31:42Z")
> [@nitroglycerine](#): > > Devo has a few: “Slap Your Mammy”, Praying Hands" and Penetration In The Centerfold". I kinda thought “Whip It” was some veiled song about (male) masterbation: _"… now whip it/into shape/shape it up/get it straight/go forward/move ahead/try to detect it/it’s not to late/to whip it/whip it good … "_ as well as “Peek-a-boo”: \*"…Peek-a-boo!/I know what you do/'cause I do it too …" \* What the hell else could they be referring to? ---
**Author:** ![Infovore](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/infovore/32/420_2.png) [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/51 "2005-01-23T03:49:05Z")
Then there’s Weird Al’s “One More Minute,” which has the lines, “I guess I might seem kinda bitter You got me feelin’ down in the dumps 'Cause I’m stranded all alone in the Gas Station of Love And I have to use the self-service pumps…” ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/52 "2005-01-23T04:26:28Z")
_Dick_ by King Missile. From the Album “Fluting on the Hump” [http://www.i-mockery.com/kingmissile/dick.html](http://www.i-mockery.com/kingmissile/dick.html) ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/53 "2005-01-23T08:10:07Z")
> [@betenoir](#): > > In that case I must nominate “In Every Dream Home a Heartache” [http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/roxy-music/118970.html](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/roxy-music/118970.html) Not sure that qualifies as masturbation, since the object of his desire was a blow-up latex dolly. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/54 "2005-01-23T08:35:04Z")
“My Baby’s Got a Secret” by Madonna ---
**Author:** ![Othersider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/cab0a1/32.png) [@Othersider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Othersider)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/55 "2005-01-23T08:39:33Z")
> [@Ass For A Hat](#): > > No one’s mentioned Green Day’s _Longview_, one of the more obvious masturbation songs out there. Thought it sounds rather obvious, I seem to remember reading that Billie Joe said the song was about something else - and it was just because the line with the word “masturbation” stuck out at the end, everyone’s now misinterpreting it. ---
**Author:** ![zagloba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/977dab/32.png) [@zagloba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zagloba)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/56 "2005-01-23T10:30:05Z")
“Nights in White Satin” by the Moody Blues I don’t see it in the [lyrics](http://www.lyricsfreak.com/m/moody-blues/95762.html) myself, but in my impressionable college days I was told more than once that this was supposed to be about masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/57 "2005-01-23T11:41:38Z")
> [@Case Sensitive](#): > > Not sure that qualifies as masturbation, since the object of his desire was a blow-up latex dolly. Ah but I was specifically responding to fighting ingorant’s inclusion of (Would You Be My Girl) Sally, which is also about a blow-up latex dolly. Or do we need a new catagory for Best Songs About Blow Up Latex Dollies? (In which case, I’m sorry but there is no better Ode to a Latex Dolly then the one I referenced.) Beyond that though, is that really not masturbation? Sorry, Case, it’s still solitary sex however much you may have bonded with her 😃 . ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/58 "2005-01-23T15:09:17Z")
Surely, the best blow-up doll song is _Ms. Pinky_ by Frank Zappa. "I got a girl with a little rubber head. Gets her out every night just before I go to bed… Throw a little switch in the battery pack, You can boot it, you can shoot it 'til the wife gets back." ---
**Author:** ![Angua](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8baadc/32.png) [@Angua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angua)\ **Post date:** [January 23, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/59 "2005-01-23T15:23:23Z")
Frankie Goes to Hollywood – _Relax_? ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2005, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066/60 "2005-01-24T00:34:23Z")
> [@Angua](#): > > Frankie Goes to Hollywood – _Relax_? Well, perhaps, but the advice works equally well or better when with a partner. (or two, or more…) Now, “I’m too Sexy” by Right Said Fred, there’s some narcisicistic love song for you, guy’s too sexy for everything but himself, apparently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-about-masturbation-male-and-female/286066.md?page=4)