# Songs for a not-so-beautiful life partner **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 24, 2012, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664 "2012-09-24T08:45:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/81 "2012-09-25T06:54:20Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > (BTW, what do YOU look like?) My fiance regularly says I’m gorgeous and she says I’m better looking than most or all of the guys she sees on TV. Well she did say that her nephew was extremely good looking - he’s a very muscular and handsome teenager. I think she thinks he’s better looking than me. Anyway I’m 6 feet tall and at the moment I’m 180 lbs and my belly sticks out more than I would have liked. I used to be extremely skinny but some psychiatric medication made me put on about 40 lbs in about a month. ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/82 "2012-09-25T06:55:56Z")
Yea, you really should not marry this woman. For any reason. It’s better to be alone than to wish that you were. No matter what excuses you are using to convince yourself that this is okay, a couple facts remain: 1. She doesn’t know that you are repulsed by her, and deserves better, OR 1. She knows that you are repulsed by her, and has been convinced somehow that it’s okay to marry someone like you. Neither one are respectful to her as a person. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/83 "2012-09-25T07:02:11Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > Yea, you really should not marry this woman. For any reason. It’s better to be alone than to wish that you were. > > No matter what excuses you are using to convince yourself that this is okay, a couple facts remain: > > 1. She doesn’t know that you are repulsed by her, and deserves better, > > OR > > 1. She knows that you are repulsed by her, and has been convinced somehow that it’s okay to marry someone like you. > > Neither one are respectful to her as a person. What if I was in a relationship and I couldn’t help but have loud smelly farts fairly often. If she secretly felt repulsed by that does that mean that she is not respectful to me as a person? I thought a lack of respect would involve her teasing me or something about it… BTW about 2 months ago her brother’s fiance said to me privately that I really respected my fiance… ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/84 "2012-09-25T07:07:11Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > Yea, you really should not marry this woman. For any reason. It’s better to be alone than to wish that you were. I consider to call her a c\*\*\* or saying she’s useless or a cow to be less respectful than to find something repulsive about her. (e.g. her having loud stinky farts or something) (BTW we fart in front of each other and I tell her “that’s a good one”. We like playing around like that) ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/85 "2012-09-25T07:19:19Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > BTW about the comments where I say she repulses me, I’m just mentioning behavior I observe in myself. When I see her naked body I don’t feel lustful, I feel like I’ve got to look away. That means I’m not truly finding her gorgeous though I might say she is gorgeous from time to time. I’d never probably say she’s the most beautiful woman in the world though. If this is really how you feel, don’t marry her. You’re just setting both your girlfriend and yourself up for misery. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/86 "2012-09-25T07:23:29Z")
I think everyone should take a time out and read some of the threads started by the OP in the past. Well, the ones in regards to relationships anyway. [This one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=546031) is my own personal favorite. I bring this up because it might save a few of you some frustration. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/87 "2012-09-25T07:23:38Z")
> [@Scribble](#): > > If this is really how you feel, don’t marry her. You’re just setting both your girlfriend and yourself up for misery. What do you think of my loud, stinky fart analogy? Does one partner repulsing the other every now and then set them up for “misery”? ---
**Author:** ![Kolga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e56c9b/32.png) [@Kolga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kolga)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/88 "2012-09-25T07:44:49Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > I think everyone should take a time out and read some of the threads started by the OP in the past. Well, the ones in regards to relationships anyway. [This one](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=546031) is my own personal favorite. I bring this up because it might save a few of you some frustration. Ah, excellent advice, **Sleeps.** I didn’t realize the OP was of such a type given that I ignore his/her posts. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/89 "2012-09-25T07:49:26Z")
> [@Kolga](#): > > I didn’t realize the OP was of such a type given that I ignore his/her posts. I figured. You’re too smart to waste your time, IMHO. I am terrible with names and this is a fairly big board so one has to do something extraordinary for me to remember. I remember the OP. Enough said. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/90 "2012-09-25T08:15:28Z")
I… can’t even fathom this. You do NOT marry someone because you believe they are your only hope for a successful relationship. Forget the whole thing with being repulsed by her belly. Forget that you’re bringing this all up on a message board, and your previous history on this message board. The biggest problem you have is your motivation for marrying this woman, and it is WAY OUT OF LINE. You have shown here that the only reason you want to marry her is because you feel like she’s the only woman who will ever give you a chance. You’ve also said that you probably wouldn’t even be thinking about marriage with this woman if there were 100 other girls knocking at your door to get with you. These are terrible, terrible things to be thinking. Unless you are head over heels in love with this woman DO NOT MARRY HER, PLEASE! I don’t know, I’m young and not-yet-married myself… but damn, can any married people out here back me up on this? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 8:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/91 "2012-09-25T08:38:05Z")
> [@drewtwo99](#): > > I… can’t even fathom this. You do NOT marry someone because you believe they are your only hope for a successful relationship. What’s so bad about a successful relationship? > [@](#): > > …You have shown here that the only reason you want to marry her is because you feel like she’s the only woman who will ever give you a chance. No I feel she’s the only woman who will be extremely affectionate, be attractive enough and compatible enough. > [@](#): > > These are terrible, terrible things to be thinking. Unless you are head over heels in love with this woman DO NOT MARRY HER, PLEASE! > > I don’t know, I’m young and not-yet-married myself… You said that I should ONLY marry her if I am “head over heels” in love with her. In our culture marriages end in divorce about 60%+ of the time… BTW did you know that the honeymoon phase of relationships typically only lasts about 1-3 years? Perhaps the divorce rate is so high is because once the honeymoon phase is over they don’t know what to do. BTW I recommend writings by the marriage researcher John Gottman. He talks about 3 different types of stable marriages. He also found that in happy marriage have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions - that involves things people say and do to each other. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/92 "2012-09-25T08:49:10Z")
About my previous post: > **[Divorce Statistics and Facts](https://divorcerate.org/)** > [@](#): > > It is frequently reported that the divorce rate in America is 50%. This data is not accurately correct, however, it is reasonably close to actual. > > …The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage > 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri. > > According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America: > The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41% > The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60% > The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73% ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/93 "2012-09-25T08:57:33Z")
We’ve told each other we’re best friends - though we’re at least 2nd best friends… ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/94 "2012-09-25T09:02:24Z")
If divorce rates are what you’re basing anything on I suggest you not go looking into divorce rates for manic depressive/bipolar folks. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 9:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/95 "2012-09-25T09:08:38Z")
> [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](#): > > If divorce rates are what you’re basing anything on I suggest you not go looking into divorce rates for manic depressive/bipolar folks. Those divorce rates just make me skeptical of modern day “common sense” - e.g. that you have to be head over hills to marry someone. It would then follow that perhaps the marriage should only last for as long as they are head over hills in love. If marriages should last even after the honey moon has ended why not also begin them without being in the honeymoon phase. Like I was saying though there is an alternative to modern day common sense - and it is not just my own opinions but researchers like John Gottman. BTW recently I was surprised to find that a Christian minister had read that author. My fiance is Christian though and I’m an atheist. Anyway I don’t know the bipolar marriage statistics thought I heard that the suicide rate is 1 in 3. If divorce is more likely then I’ll just take that chance anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/96 "2012-09-25T09:11:10Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > My fiance is Christian though and I’m an atheist. There ya go. A little more chum in the water will usually do the trick. Have fun! ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/97 "2012-09-25T12:10:21Z")
“Run for your Life” - The Beatles ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/98 "2012-09-25T12:20:13Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Urgh, please don’t do that either. It’s gross. You’re getting married soon, correct? Please please please tell us that you visit wedding message boards. Please please please tell us that somewhere on one there’s a thread by a woman asking, “What kind of song best expresses to my fiance that he’s kind of an asshole, but he’s my asshole and he’s not my best friend but more my second best friend and he pretty much repulses me when I look at him but I’m really his only hope for a successful relationship so that’s why I’m marrying him?” ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/99 "2012-09-25T14:01:21Z")
Have you ever read any wedding message boards? I did for, like, five minutes. I call threads like that “Tuesday”. (The rest of the week it’s “OMG MY CUNT MOTHER IS WEARING A PURPLE DRESS AND I SPECIFICALLY SAID VIOLET SO THE WEDDING IS OFF”.) ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2012, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/100 "2012-09-25T14:07:35Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > Maybe you should look to the future: > > [Grow Old With You](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/adamsandler/growoldwithyou.html) - Adam Sandler > > And even further: > > [Extremely Old With You](http://www.paulandstorm.com/lyrics/extremely-old-with-you/) - Paul and Storm Or “when I’m 64” - those British guys. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664.md?page=6)