# Songs for a not-so-beautiful life partner **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 24, 2012, 8:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664 "2012-09-24T08:45:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![wayward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a87d85/32.png) [@wayward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wayward)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/161 "2012-09-27T09:01:40Z")
So are we still suggesting songs or what? [Slightly Imperfect Girl - Jay Foreman](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpcQrwQgXsY) ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/162 "2012-09-27T09:33:17Z")
Yeah carry on… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/163 "2012-09-27T09:33:51Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Her anus would taste like poo and I don’t find it that attractive. Sig line! Er…for someone else. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/164 "2012-09-27T09:47:16Z")
Shania Twain - You’re Still The One No mention anywhere in the song of physical beauty, was my wedding song(shut up my wife picked it) ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/165 "2012-09-27T09:48:38Z")
Also: - She’s a good singer and used to be in a choir. When the weekly ending theme of our favorite show is on she often sings it passionately with her eyes closed - I find it funny - She’s good at sexy club-type dancing - I like it when she quietly moans in bed - she calls me funny things like her “fish finger” - she’s good at driving and drives a lot of people around (though I have a car I keep it at my parent’s house and get the bus) ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/166 "2012-09-27T09:52:09Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > BTW what about this scenario - someone asking you whether they looked fat in some pants and you thinking that they do… (note your true gut reaction in this example is that they look fat) > Which is worse? Saying “yes I think you look fat in those pants” or “you look fine” or “you look great”? How about, “Well, to be honest I think the fit of that other pair was really flattering on you.” You seem to have about as much tact as a rhinoceros. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but it can be learned to some extent. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/167 "2012-09-27T10:07:09Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > […] tact […] doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but it can be learned to some extent. This, I think, is the OP’s core problem. **JohnClay** , if you had opened this thread with a request like “Hey, I need some suggestions for more ‘realistic’-type love songs for my upcoming wedding, because I love my fiancee the way she is but I don’t feel an emotional connection with exaggerated over-the-top ‘you’re-the-most-beautiful-goddesschick-in-the-entire-history-of-the-universe’ lyrics”, I think you’d have had more success. But you started out by firmly emphasizing that she’s “not so beautiful”, that she’s not “all you’ve ever wanted”, that “there are some aspects of her appearance that really repulse” you. Naturally, you came across as being kind of a jerk or just not that into her. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/168 "2012-09-27T10:28:47Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > …You seem to have about as much tact as a rhinoceros. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone, but it can be learned to some extent. On this messageboard I’m trying to get right to the point. I can’t be bothered trying to state everything in the best possible light like a spin doctor. Of course I discuss these kinds of matters with a lot more tact than I do here… e.g. I don’t go into the details of everything I am discussing here with her… maybe I will in the future though. I’ve already told her that I’ve been to prostitutes and that I originally broke up with her because I “didn’t love her enough”… see that was tactful - I didn’t say that I broke up with her because I felt bad calling her “beautiful” due to her large belly. BTW she thinks that I broke up with her because I was “unwell” at the time. I don’t really agree but I don’t have a problem letting her think that. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 10:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/169 "2012-09-27T10:34:23Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > This, I think, is the OP’s core problem. > > **JohnClay** , if you had opened this thread with a request like "Hey, I need some suggestions for more ‘realistic’-type love songs… Ok I see your point… there are ways to be more likable and seem more normal on the Internet. But I hadn’t thought that much about reframing the issues in order to make them seem typical since I have no previous experience with relationships. I also have hardly any experience of other people having relationships and their core issues. ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/170 "2012-09-27T14:34:45Z")
Listen. I don’t care how unattractive, fat-bellied, whatever someone is - on their wedding day they are the _most beautiful woman in the world._ On that **ONE DAY** of a woman’s life she gets to be the \*most beautiful woman in the world. \* Shut the hell up and give her that. Every woman deserves it. One freakin’ day of feeling like and being told she’s beautiful. ---
**Author:** ![Tangent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tangent/32/3098_2.png) [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/171 "2012-09-27T15:51:59Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > - she calls me funny things like her “fish finger” This is when we need the puking smiley. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/172 "2012-09-27T16:46:35Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Many of those “arranged marriages” were marriages in name only. In places where arranged marriages are common, divorce is usually frowned upon, and often couples lead their own separate lives. Some of them have lovers on the side. > This is becoming surreal. It’s like the Twilight Zone. I’ve known a couple of people in “arranged” marriages. They are professionals, now living & working in the USA. When they were ready to marry, their parents arranged introductions to eligible candidates; the final decision remained with the couple in question. In other words, these were not children meeting their mates on their wedding day. From what I’ve seen, the success rates for these marriages aren’t bad. However, there are certain standards–like health, education & employability–that the candidates must meet… ---
**Author:** ![Shmendrik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shmendrik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shmendrik)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2012, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/173 "2012-09-27T17:44:29Z")
> [@Soylent\_Juicy](#): > > Listen. I don’t care how unattractive, fat-bellied, whatever someone is - on their wedding day they are the _most beautiful woman in the world._ On that **ONE DAY** of a woman’s life she gets to be the \*most beautiful woman in the world. \* > > Shut the hell up and give her that. Every woman deserves it. One freakin’ day of feeling like and being told she’s beautiful. [Mitchell and Webb](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lXpmHuCE9Ls) have an interesting take on that. ---
**Author:** ![Thylacine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thylacine/32/1143_2.png) [@Thylacine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thylacine)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/174 "2012-09-28T01:38:21Z")
The OP is very literal but love songs are usually lateral. I can see the disconnect and marriages have been based on “I do” really meaning “you’ll do” for milennia. Most people have censors from stopping them worrying about the other side of the balance sheet publicly but the OP is wired a little differently as is hid wife to be. I suspect the OP doesn’t understand that the wedding guests don’t think like he does and won’t be jumping to their feet calling him a liar if he calls his Bride beautiful but if he feels like a liar then he should find an alternative. My fave romantic song is Allelujah by Fairground Attraction, no mention of looks "But your smile is a prayer that prays for love And your heart is a kite that longs to fly Allelujah here I am Let’s cut the strings tonight And we’ll kiss the first of a million kisses" ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/175 "2012-09-28T02:48:52Z")
**JohnClay** , you said the Bad English song really touched you, so I think you should just go with that. And then maybe something instrumental for your first dance, perhaps? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/176 "2012-09-28T03:39:52Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > **JohnClay** , you said the Bad English song really touched you, so I think you should just go with that. And then maybe something instrumental for your first dance, perhaps? I haven’t been to a wedding reception since I was a little boy but anyway according to Internet sites I’ve visited, songs with lyrics are often used for the first dance. I’d rather dance to a very touching song that has lyrics. BTW about the only instrumental song I’ve felt emotional with is Handel’s “Largo” from “Xerxes” which was played a lot in the movie “Bad Boy Bubby”. Here are some scenes from perhaps my favorite movie - “Bad Boy Bubby” [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/iBnBxSuNBNU/maxresdefault.jpg "Bad Boy Bubby and Rachael Huddy") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBnBxSuNBNU) ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2012, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/177 "2012-09-28T03:45:43Z")
> [@Thylacine](#): > > The OP is very literal but love songs are usually lateral. I can see the disconnect and marriages have been based on “I do” really meaning “you’ll do” for milennia. BTW for my vow the pastor isn’t including “in the presence of God”… but she is for my fiance. > [@](#): > > …calling him a liar if he calls his Bride beautiful… Well my mum says to my fiance how beautiful she is… > [@](#): > > but if he feels like a liar then he should find an alternative… Yeah… like attractive, cute, “lovely”, etc. Beautiful isn’t quite so bad as “gorgeous” though. Well perhaps I can honestly say he’s gorgeous if I’m focusing on certain bits of her apperance. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/178 "2012-09-29T02:48:25Z")
Well, there are old songs like “Stardust”, or “Starlight Serenade”, from the 1940s. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2012, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/179 "2012-09-29T17:13:01Z")
Or here’s an idea: let HER pick a song. After all, it’s her wedding too. (And if it’s one you don’t agree with, bite your tongue and suck it up. As someone mentioned it above, let her feel like she’s beautiful for one fucking day, especially on her goddamned wedding day) ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2012, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664/180 "2012-09-29T23:54:29Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Or here’s an idea: let HER pick a song. After all, it’s her wedding too. (And if it’s one you don’t agree with, bite your tongue and suck it up. I asked her and she just said “I’m not sure” and asked me what I’d choose. I said maybe “When I see you smile” or “Nothing’s gonna stop us now”. She seemed fine with that. > [@](#): > > As someone mentioned it above, let her feel like she’s beautiful for one fucking day, especially on her goddamned wedding day) Having a smile I love is kind of beautiful… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-for-a-not-so-beautiful-life-partner/635664.md?page=10)