# Songs that are just plain wrong **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 22, 2004, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580 "2004-10-22T11:50:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/181 "2004-10-26T03:15:27Z")
If we’re talking about songs that are factually wrong, can I propose a _Lifetime Achievement Award_ for Johnny Horton? Because so many of his songs are just full of factual errors. Comanche, the Brave Horse: “one lone survivor…” seems to me that a lot of the indians survived this battle. North to Alaska: “Big Sam left Seattle in the year of ninety-two”. The Alaska Gold Rush was started by the strikes at Circle City in 1893, and the main one, Rabbit Creek in 1896. This song says “the rush is on”, but it appears that Big Sam started rushin’ a few years before that. The Battle of New Orleans: “In 1814 we took a little trip…” – But the Battle of New Orleans (the climactic battle) was in January, 1815. “Along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip” – the battleground was up river from New Orleans. “And we caught the bloody British in the town of New Orleans” – no, they caught them outside New Orleans – preventing the British from taking the town was the point of the battle. “We looked down the river and we see’d the British come” – the British came by land, marching across from Lake Borgne. “they began to runnin’, On down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico” – the British retreat was also by land, back across to Lake Borgne and into the Gulf. Perhaps the highlight is his song Sink the Bismark, which has factual errors in nearly every line: In May of nineteen forty-one the war had just begun – the war began in 1939, 3 years earlier; hardly “just begun”. The Germans had the biggest ship that had the biggest guns – the biggest warships were the Japanese battleships Yamato & Musashi, bigger than the Bismark, and with much bigger (18.1" vs. 15") guns. If you discount them because they weren’t actually at sea until after the Bismark was sunk, then the German sister ship Tirpitz was larger than the Bismark. The Bismark was the fastest ship that ever sailed the sea – There were at least 4 faster battleships at the time, German Scharnhorst, French Richelieu, Italian Vittorio Veneto, and the antiquated British Hood, which Bismark sunk. On her decks were guns as big as steers and shells as big as trees – her largest guns (on the turrets, not on her decks) were 15"; most steers are quite a bit bigger than that. And many trees are much bigger. Out of the cold and foggy night came the British ship The Hood – May is springtime in the north Atlantic, not the cold time of the year. And the battle with the Hood took place in early morning. Despite all the factual errors, I still love his songs. Music doesn’t depend on facts! ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/182 "2004-10-26T12:13:38Z")
Good one, **Bippy**! I love Kate and cut her all the slack I can, but there’s just no excuse for that song. The hell of it is, I like the song, but can’t sing along without gagging. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/183 "2004-10-26T12:42:35Z")
“My name is Luka” by Suzanne Vega Luka, honey, you need to get your priorities in order. Instead of composing subtle lyrics about about how “he only hits until you cry” perhaps you should put that guitar to constructive use and crack it over his head when the bastard isn’t looking. Or if you’d prefer something a a bit more subtle, listen to Shawn Colvin’s “Sunny Came Home” for advice about how to torch the house down around the creep. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/184 "2004-10-26T12:56:33Z")
Oh, and as for factually wrong songs, _The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald_ has this line: “The old cook came on deck and said, ‘Fellows, it’s too rough to feed you.’” Later Lightfoot sings that the cook, realizing that the ship is doomed, bids the crew a sweet adieu with the line, “It’s been good to know you.’” In reality, the old cook was the only member of the Edmund Fitzgerald crew to survive the wreck. He had called in sick and missed the fateful voyage altogether. ---
**Author:** ![Jinx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Jinx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jinx)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/185 "2004-10-26T13:24:01Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > The radio here at work is currently on the local classic rock station. One of the songs that gets fairly heavy rotation is “Only The Good Die Young.” If you think about it, this stong is pretty stupid. Bad people die young all the time. Gang members kill each other; criminals get killed by police; suicide bombers kill themselves. That inspired this thread… Diceman, has it been pointed out to you, but this song title is taken from a well known expression? It’s along the lines of saying “No good deed goes unpunished.” It is an observation about life. For example, how many sober people get killed by drunk drivers who walk away unscathed? At times like this, when people’s worlds are turned upside down, that such expressions are muttered as a way of making sense of the senseless. Specific to the song, Billy Joel is using it as an argument for why “Virginia” should live for today. - Jinx ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/186 "2004-10-26T15:53:57Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > Good one, **Bippy**! I love Kate and cut her all the slack I can, but there’s just no excuse for that song. The hell of it is, I like the song, but can’t sing along without gagging. Well maybe I can mitigatwe it by being about 10 years old at the time, and fancying Kate even then 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Death](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecccb3/32.png) [@Evil\_Death](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Death)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/187 "2004-10-26T16:00:49Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > But the Tongue and Groove is a straight bar/club 🙂 Are you certain, Bippy? I had to walk past that place every day for a week, and if the window display is anything to go by it’s so bent that the bartender probably opens the wine bottles with his dick. Mind you, this _is_ Frisco. “Straight” may well have a different meaning there. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/188 "2004-10-26T20:44:47Z")
They probalby have gay interest events. But Tongue and Groove wasn’t a gay only place the few times I’ve seen live bands there. ---
**Author:** ![Labdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Labdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labdad)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/189 "2004-10-26T21:45:30Z")
Then there’s the ever-popular **Patches** by Dickie Lee: \*I hear a neighbor telling my father He says a girl name of Patches was found Floating face down in that dirty old river That flows through the middle of old Shantytown Patches, oh what can I do I swear, I’ll always love you and it may not be right but I’ll join you tonight Patches, I’m coming to you\* :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2004, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/190 "2004-10-26T21:48:40Z")
R. Dean (Indiana Wants Me)Taylor’s “Back Street”: Boy meets girl. Girl gets knocked up by another guy. Boy dumps girl. Girl becomes whore to support baby. Girl leaves baby with boy. Girl dies like a dog in the street. Boy realizes he should have forgiven girl, “But it was too late”. Thanks, R. Dean, for that happy moment. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/191 "2004-10-27T00:09:17Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > “My name is Luka” by Suzanne Vega > > Luka, honey, you need to get your priorities in order. Instead of composing subtle lyrics about about how “he only hits until you cry” perhaps you should put that guitar to constructive use and crack it over his head when the bastard isn’t looking. Luka’s a little girl. The song’s about child abuse. So yeah, it’s definitely a song about something wrong, but Luka’s got fewer choices than you imagine here. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/192 "2004-10-27T00:41:41Z")
Speaking of child abuse… _I kill children. I love to see them die. I kill children and make their mamas cry. Crush them under my car. I love to hear them scream. Give them poison candy and spoil their Halloween._ Dead Kennedys, “I Kill Children” (Once cited during Congressional hearings in support of proposed laws requring warning labels on music.) \ Chaos UK, “Kill Your Baby” _Steal the money from your mother. Buy a gun. Kill your mother and father._ Fear, “We Destroy the Family” _My kids live alone with a stranger. Their mother’s dead, I killed her… Residing in a squalid place, it can’t be too much fun. Your brain is getting eaten away by the rat living in your skull. A mutant at the age of one, a human rodent cabbage._ GBH, “City Baby Attacked by Rats” And what about that country song “Fancy” about the woman who encouraged her young daughter to hook up with the old rich guy? Anyone remember that one? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/193 "2004-10-27T01:05:47Z")
The Dead Kennedys also advocated killing the poor. On the same album, no less. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/194 "2004-10-27T01:06:46Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > Or Kylie Minogue could respond with her profound philosophical dissertation that goes a little something like this: > > na na na, na na na na na, na na na, na na na na na, na na na, na na na na naa, na na na, na na na na na Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh! _tears hair out_ ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/195 "2004-10-27T01:07:35Z")
“Fancy!” Everyone’s favorite white trash Mama-made-me-a-whore song. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/196 "2004-10-27T01:18:02Z")
_Picked up a boy just south of Mobile. Gave him a ride, filled him with a hot meal. I was sixteen, he was twenty-one. Rode with us to Memphis, and Papa woulda shot him if he knew what he’d done._ C’mon evabody, sing it! _Gypsies, tramps, and thieves…_ ---
**Author:** ![dubs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dubs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dubs)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/197 "2004-10-27T02:08:09Z")
" I want you, I need you, but there ain’t no way I’m ever gonna love you. But don’t be sad, 'cause two out of three ain’t bad…" Come over here, Mr. Meatloaf, so I can twist your neck and pop your head off like a dandelion. Oh, yeah, and anything by Bobby Goldsboro. Wow, I feel MUCH better now! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/198 "2004-10-27T02:10:14Z")
> [@dubs](#): > > Oh, yeah, and anything by Bobby Goldsboro. But…but…see the tree how big it’s grown… ---
**Author:** ![dubs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dubs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dubs)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/199 "2004-10-27T02:14:20Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > But…but…see the tree how big it’s grown… but friend, it hasn’t been too long… Okay, I’m gettin’ the frying pan! ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/200 "2004-10-27T02:33:55Z")
How about the DNC using Lou Bega’s “Mambo No. 5” at their National Convention in 2000? They killed the vocals, which include the phrase “A little bit of Monica in my life”, but c’mon guys… who could hear that tune in that context and not have those lyric instantly come to mind? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580.md?page=11)