# Songs that are just plain wrong **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 22, 2004, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580 "2004-10-22T11:50:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![angelicate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@angelicate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/angelicate)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/201 "2004-10-27T03:22:16Z")
Pearl Jam’s “Dirty Frank” is about a crazy tour bus driver who also happens to be a cannibal. “Dirty Frank Dahmer he’s a gourmet cook, yeah. Got a recipe for anglo-saxon soup, yeah. Wanted a pass. So she relaxed. Now the little groupie’s getting chopped up in the back. I got a cupboard full of fleshy fresh ingredients A very careful at the same time quite expedient. Eats meat. A release. Bus driving’s harder on your head than on your feet.” “Oh, middle of the night we’re stopped the freeway shoulder. Frank’s shoveling to bury the leftovers. They’re sunk. He’s drunk. Now he’s gonna drive, I’m hiding in my bunk. The band all knows, we’re too afraid to mention. Don’t want to be part of Frank’s luncheon. Lose weight. Be safe. Where’s Mike McCready? My god he’s been ate!” ---
**Author:** ![moriah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b2d939/32.png) [@moriah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moriah)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/202 "2004-10-27T03:52:35Z")
> [@Jinx](#): > > Diceman, has it been pointed out to you, but this song title is taken from a well known expression? Yes, in the fourth post of this thread. Please tell me you accidentally missed that and are not simply throwing on your response to the OP without actually reading the whole thread? > [@](#): > > It’s along the lines of saying “No good deed goes unpunished.” It is an observation about life…Specific to the song, Billy Joel is using it as an argument for why “Virginia” should live for today. - Jinx No, specific to the song, Billy Joel is trying to encourage his Catholic girlfriend to throw her religious morals and her hesitancy to have sex out the window so that he can fuck her. Live for today, indeed. It’s more like live for ME, the selfish prick. Which, by the way, was what the original ‘carpe diem’ sentiment was all about… convincing a young maiden to do you. Peace. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/203 "2004-10-27T05:08:32Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Oh, and as for factually wrong songs, _The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald_ has this line: > > “The old cook came on deck and said, ‘Fellows, it’s too rough to feed you.’” > > Later Lightfoot sings that the cook, realizing that the ship is doomed, bids the crew a sweet adieu with the line, “It’s been good to know you.’” > > In reality, the old cook was the only member of the Edmund Fitzgerald crew to survive the wreck. He had called in sick and missed the fateful voyage altogether. And since everyone on board dies when the ship went down, and communication with the ship had been out for some time, all these lines are just something Gordon Lightfoot made up – no one alive knows what the sailors were saying before they died. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/204 "2004-10-27T18:58:56Z")
> [@Art Vandelay](#): > > Well, not anymore it ain’t. But in the pre-Stonewall era, yeah, YMCA’s in some large metropolitan areas DID have the reputation of being gay cruising areas. The YMCA provided single-occupancy rooms for young men who ostensibly had no famlilial connections to fall back on (guys new to the city) and forbade women as guests in rooms, but did allow male visitors. They were employed by gay guys as places to “trick” (have quickee sex), and not a few of those young out-of-town guys were gays looking to escape being “doomed” to a life of passing-as-hetero. (One legendary “gay” YMCA on 23rd street in Manhattan has recently been changed into a ‘David Barton’ gym with a heavly gay clientele.) So, yeah, the song is factually right. Doesn’t matter anyway, though, because the song is not about hooking up. It’s about an older gay man counseling a younger one who has presumably just been slung out of his homophobic parents’ house. He’s just telling him it’s not the end of the world, and there’s “a place you can go” where “you can get yourself clean; you can have a good meal”. Hooking up is a secondary concern when you’ve just been made homeless. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/205 "2004-10-27T19:07:08Z")
_Fake the heat and scratch the itch Skinned up knees and salty lips_ ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/206 "2004-10-27T20:41:05Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > Luka’s a little girl. The song’s about child abuse. So yeah, it’s definitely a song about something wrong, but Luka’s got fewer choices than you imagine here. Hmm, I always thought it was about an abused woman, not a child. I apologize to Luka for being misinformed. Perhaps she ought to seek out the services of Tommy from “Coward of the County.” See Tommy’s father was an ex-con who died when Tommy was 11. He advised his son to “walk away from trouble” lest he end up in jail like his old man. Anywho, years later despite being the “coward of the county” for never fighting back, Tommy manages to land himself a girlfriend, Becky. While he’s away one day, the Gatlin Boys go to Becky’s house and take turns raping her (“there were 3 of them”). When Tommy comes home to find Becky all crumbled in a heap, he is suddenly spurred into action and single-handedly whups on the Gatlin Boys. Rogers sums it all up nicely when he croons, “…sometimes you’ve got to fight when you’re a man.” And that, apparently, is the point of the song. Forget the implications of Tommy’s girlfriend being gang raped. \*He licked those Gatlin boys good. \* :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/207 "2004-10-27T21:08:15Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > Luka’s a little girl. The song’s about child abuse. So yeah, it’s definitely a song about something wrong, but Luka’s got fewer choices than you imagine here. Nitpick: Luka’s actually a boy. “Luka” is traditionally a boy’s name, and the music video makes it clear that the song’s about a boy. 🙂 But yeah, you’re right about Luka being a kid. “They only hit until you cry” - they being the parents. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/208 "2004-10-27T21:10:04Z")
Not so much WRONG, per se, but a line that’s always stuck in my head. Country artist Faith Hill has a song called “The Way You Love Me.” The opening line is “If I could grant you one wish, I wish you could see the way you kiss.” WTF? Out of ALL the things one could wish for (health, wealth, etc), this blonde bimbo wishes for a fucking camcorder. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/209 "2004-10-27T23:00:25Z")
> [@Lisa-go-Blind](#): > > Nitpick: Luka’s actually a boy. “Luka” is traditionally a boy’s name, and the music video makes it clear that the song’s about a boy. :smack: That’s right. I completely forgot about the video b/c (strange but true) the year after that song came out I moved back to Europe for a while, and there was a little girl named Luca who lived upstairs from me, on the 2nd floor! (Granted, it would have been the 3rd floor in the States, but there it was the 2nd floor.) Every time one of her little friends stood under the balcony and called for her, that song started playing in my head, so Luka became forever in my mind a little girl. ---
**Author:** ![An\_Arky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/87869e/32.png) [@An\_Arky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Arky)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2004, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/210 "2004-10-27T23:58:22Z")
…not unless you’re a rock, or an island maybe. Walk a million miles? Don’t think so…if you walked 20 miles a day for 100 years, you’d still be 270,000 miles short, unless of course you plan on stretching it out over the aforementioned million years, which would only be a mile a year. How hard can that be? Cry a million tears? I don’t know how many tears a human is capable of crying, but I do know that no chick wants some dude who’s always crying. Swimming the deepest sea and climbng the highest hill are vague enough to get a pass. \*The Grass Roots song ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/211 "2004-10-28T00:27:22Z")
> [@PunditLisa](#): > > Perhaps she ought to seek out the services of Tommy from “Coward of the County.” See Tommy’s father was an ex-con who died when Tommy was 11. [nitpick] Not an **ex** con - daddy died in prison. [/nitpick] ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/212 "2004-10-28T01:19:19Z")
> [@Peter Morris](#): > > [nitpick] Not an **ex** con - daddy died in prison. [/nitpick] Well, I dunno, you could say he’s an “ex con” in the same sense that John Cleese’s bird was an “ex parrot”. Or maybe he was just pining for the fjords… ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/213 "2004-10-28T02:44:49Z")
Yeah, but you have to be out of prison to be an “ex”-con. As far as wrongness, IMHO, “My Heart Will Go On” is a horrible choice for a prom theme song. An elegy to a loved one who died? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/214 "2004-10-28T04:30:07Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > Well, I dunno, you could say he’s an “ex con” in the same sense that John Cleese’s bird was an “ex parrot”. > > Or maybe he was just pining for the fjords… I sense a country song coming on … Don’t cry, baby Your tears will just warp them boards Your Daddy’s not dead He’s just pinin’ for the fjords … ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 8:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/215 "2004-10-28T08:59:28Z")
> [@Evil Captor](#): > > I sense a country song coming on … > > Don’t cry, baby > Your tears will just warp them boards > Your Daddy’s not dead > He’s just pinin’ for the fjords … Gives new meaning to the line about “this bird wouldn’t ‘VOOM’ if you put four thousand volts through him!” ---
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/216 "2004-10-28T20:49:25Z")
> [@Sample\_the\_Dog](#): > > How about the DNC using Lou Bega’s “Mambo No. 5” at their National Convention in 2000? > > They killed the vocals, which include the phrase “A little bit of Monica in my life”, but c’mon guys… who could hear that tune in that context and not have those lyric instantly come to mind? But Lou Bega’s version (with the words) is just the most recent. It’s been an instrumental number for many many years. The earliest version i have (and it’s a cover) is on a Ska album by Bad Manners from the early 90’s. I know it’s waaaay older than that. ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2004, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/217 "2004-10-28T23:35:58Z")
> [@BurnMeUp](#): > > But Lou Bega’s version (with the words) is just the most recent. It’s been an instrumental number for many many years. The earliest version i have (and it’s a cover) is on a Ska album by Bad Manners from the early 90’s. I know it’s waaaay older than that. I think it was written by Perez Prado in the 50s, but can’t be sure. Anyone know? ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/218 "2004-10-29T01:19:47Z")
Ok, this is gonna drive me crazy. A male singer-songwriter did a great tune simply called “Wrong”, in which he sings about all these things he used to believe, follwed by a pause, then “Wrong!” It’s a great song, and I can hear parts of it in my head, but can’t summon up enough of the lyrics to find it on a Web search. It’s got a country kind of feel to it. There are so many songs with “wrong” in the titles that Googling doesn’t help. Any dopers out there can save me? ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/219 "2004-10-29T02:55:06Z")
How about that Dave Matthews Band song called “Crash Into Me” or whatever? I forget how it goes because all of their songs sound like tapioca to me. But I just realized that I wouldn’t want to crash into Dave Matthews or any of his fans, because I’m sure we’d both spontaneously annihilate in a burst of energy. ---
**Author:** ![bluecanary](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bluecanary/32/3614_2.png) [@bluecanary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bluecanary)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2004, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/220 "2004-10-29T02:59:03Z")
What’s wrong with the Faith Hill song ‘_The Way You Love Me_’ was that she’d already used that collection of words in that exact order extensively in the far superior ‘_This Kiss_’ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580.md?page=12)