# Songs that are just plain wrong **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 22, 2004, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580 "2004-10-22T11:50:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/61 "2004-10-22T20:52:14Z")
> [@sleeepy2](#): > > Alanis Morissette’s _Ironic_ comes to mind. She whines about a bunch of things that, while they may be a bummer, are certainly not “ironic”. Heh. Did you see that farm-girl-looking lesbian on Comedy Central, too? She was hilarious. And right. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/62 "2004-10-22T20:57:56Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > Heh. Did you see that farm-girl-looking lesbian on Comedy Central, too? She was hilarious. And right. Sabrina Matthews. And yeah, she was very funny. > [@sleeepy2](#): > > No eraser on that pencil, Sir Elton?? It’s a dumb lyric, but I think Bernie Taupin wrote it. As far as Only the Good Die Young goes, well, Billy Joel is still around, drinking and driving and marrying girls in their 20s. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Priam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Priam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Priam)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/63 "2004-10-22T20:59:17Z")
> [@sleeepy2](#): > > Not actually wrong, but just gawdawful: > > _If I was a sculptor, but then again, no…_ > > No eraser on that pencil, Sir Elton?? Maybe I’m being whooshed here but last I checked that was the point of the song. Its supposed to be just a quick little ditty he wrote up for the one he loved. > [@](#): > > I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss > **Well a few of the verses well they’ve got me quite cross** > But the sun’s been quite kind while I wrote this song > It’s for people like you that keep it turned on And let me just second _Lightning Striking Again_. I hope his girl handed him back his teeth in a bag. ---
**Author:** ![Snickers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Snickers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snickers)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/64 "2004-10-22T21:27:29Z")
_Girl, you’ll be a woman soon._ Yecchy. I can’t hear that song without thinking of a lecherous, dirty old man who’s about to rape a young girl to “make her a woman.” Granted, I haven’t listened to the other lyrics closely to see what they say - it could be very innocuous. But I doubt it. No way I want to listen to the rest when the chorus skeeves me so. ---
**Author:** ![Batsinma\_Belfry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea5d25/32.png) [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/65 "2004-10-22T21:41:50Z")
> [@Snickers](#): > > _Girl, you’ll be a woman soon._ > Yecchy. I can’t hear that song without thinking of a lecherous, dirty old man who’s about to rape a young girl to “make her a woman.” > > Granted, I haven’t listened to the other lyrics closely to see what they say - it could be very innocuous. But I doubt it. No way I want to listen to the rest when the chorus skeeves me so. I was just thinking of that one. _Second line:_ Soon, you’ll need a man. _If I can just wait until she hits puberty, then I can pounce! Because she’s going to **need** a man._ ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/66 "2004-10-22T21:44:13Z")
> [@sleeepy2](#): > > Not actually wrong, but just gawdawful: > > _If I was a sculptor, but then again, no…_ > > No eraser on that pencil, Sir Elton?? Except that it wasn’t Sir Elton; it was Mr. Taupin. And I like the lyric. It’s aw-shucks, toe-shuffling, and boyishly clumsy. Great for a song of young love. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/67 "2004-10-22T22:16:33Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > It’s called _Young Girl_, and it’s by Gary Puckett and the Union Gap. > > I’ve always thought I would hate to be whoever Gary Puckett is supposed to be when he sings his hits. And if he’s supposed to be the same person in _This Girl is a Woman Now_. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/68 "2004-10-22T23:13:22Z")
Not paedophilic, but strange, and somewhat intreguing. From “Never been to Me” these lyrics … I’ve been undressed by kings and I’ve seen some things That a woman ain’t s’posed to see I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me What is it exactly that a woman ain’t s’posed to see, that she has seen? ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/69 "2004-10-22T23:23:43Z")
> [@Ukulele Ike](#): > > “And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey > Love the one you’re with.” > > That one lyric is so fuckin’ horrible I can’t think the name “Stephen Stills” without immediately attaching “asshole.” Especially since he ripped it off. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/70 "2004-10-22T23:36:43Z")
There was the creepy Benny Mardones’ tune, “Into the Night”: “She’s just sixteen years old Leave her alone, they say Separated by fools Who don’t know what love is yet But I want you to know -” ---
**Author:** ![Glassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ea666f/32.png) [@Glassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glassy)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/71 "2004-10-23T00:46:09Z")
This isn’t scary-wrongy (to use **pasunejen** ’s elegant phrase), but literally factually wrong. It’s an annoying early-'90s ballad that Vanessa Williams sang that goes, “Sometimes the snow comes down in June Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon …” I have no quarrel with that first line, but the second? Vanessa, honey, no. It doesn’t. At least, it really shouldn’t. That would be BAD. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/72 "2004-10-23T01:06:38Z")
This one is stupid, but it has annoyed me for years: “Thunder only happens when it’s raining.” Even Garth Brooks knows better than that! ---
**Author:** ![Already\_in\_Use](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@Already\_in\_Use](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Already_in_Use)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/73 "2004-10-23T01:36:33Z")
> [@Gangster Octopus](#): > > Or _Happy Together_ by The Turtles I’m sure nobody has any illusions about that song that couldn’t be shattered by a couple listens to Frank Zappa’s _Live at the Fillmore East_, wherein Howard Kaylan and Mark Volman of the Turtles perform it as the conclusion to a skit about a groupie who won’t have sex with them until they sing her their big hit single. ---
**Author:** ![Lilacs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Lilacs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilacs)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/74 "2004-10-23T01:42:46Z")
> [@pasunejen](#): > > The Beatles’ “Run For Your Life” falls into the scary-wrong category. > > \*Well, I’d rather see you dead, little girl, > Than to be with another man. > You’d better keep your head, little girl, > Or I won’t know where I am. > > You better run for your life if you can, little girl, > Hide your head in the sand, little girl– > Catch you with another man, > That’s the end > Little girl.\* > > etc., etc. > > Okay, Mr. Lennon, cheating is bad. But threatening death? Eep! > > It’s worse because the song is bouncy and catchy and until you really sit and listen to the lyrics it registers as just another one of their innocuous early pieces. I can’t stop singing along even now, but I feel dirty every time. I read somewhere (no cite, I know I know…) that John actually detested that song, which to me makes it perfectly okay to like it. I just can’t help it. And I think any song by Gary Puckett is wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/75 "2004-10-23T01:55:16Z")
> [@FordPrefect](#): > > One woman’s romance is another man’s attempt to get laid. Don’t rock the boat, we don’t want the ladies to think that our being romantic is a tactic… You mean with some guys it isn’t? I may faint from this revelation. 😃 Egad, some of these songs are just horrible. Including several of the ones I like. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/76 "2004-10-23T02:16:26Z")
Any votes for _Bang-bang Maxwell’s silver hammer came down on her head, Bang-bang Maxwell’s silver hammer made sure that she was dead…_? ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/77 "2004-10-23T02:53:44Z")
I may have missed it, but did anyone point out to the OP that _Only the Good Die Young_ is actually about losing virginity? It’s about a guy trying to wheedle his uptight catholic girlfriend to jump into the sack with him: - Come out Virginia, don’t let me me wait You Catholic girls start much too late But sooner or later it comes down to fate I might as well be the one They showed you a statue and told you to pray They built you a temple and locked you away But they never told you the price that you pay For things that you might have done… Only the good die young \* One of the funniest comedy bits I ever saw was a deconstruction of the song **Cecelia** by Simon and Garfunkle: **Comedian:** Like, what kind of wimp is this guy? _Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia Up in my bedroom I got up to wash my face,_ **Comedian:** He got up to wash his face? Just what was he doing? _When I come back to bed Someone’s taken my place_ **Comedian:** Someone’s taken his place! _Cecilia, you’re breaking my heart You’re shaking my confidence…_ **Comedian:** Let’s get this straight. The guy goes to the bathroom, and when he comes back, she’s sleeping with someone else. This ‘shakes his confidence’. _…daily_ **Comedian:** Daily! This happens EVERY DAY. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Sayid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@Jack\_Sayid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Sayid)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/78 "2004-10-23T03:05:12Z")
> [@Sam Stone](#): > > One of the funniest comedy bits I ever saw was a deconstruction of the song **Cecelia** by Simon and Garfunkle: > > **Comedian:** Like, what kind of wimp is this guy? > > _Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia > Up in my bedroom > I got up to wash my face,_ > > **Comedian:** He got up to wash his face? Just what was he doing? > > _When I come back to bed > Someone’s taken my place_ > > **Comedian:** Someone’s taken his place! > > _Cecilia, you’re breaking my heart > You’re shaking my confidence…_ > > **Comedian:** Let’s get this straight. The guy goes to the bathroom, and when he comes back, she’s sleeping with someone else. This ‘shakes his confidence’. > > _…daily_ > > **Comedian:** Daily! This happens EVERY DAY. LOL! Heh-he-he-heeeee! Ah, that cracked me up! Thanks for sharing that. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/79 "2004-10-23T03:05:52Z")
Paul Anka: _Havin’ my baby, What a lovely way of saying how much you love me. Havin’ my baby, What a lovely way of saying that you’re thinking of me._ What, these people never heard of Hallmark cards? ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/80 "2004-10-23T03:09:39Z")
Goodbye England’s rose, may you ever grow in our hearts. You were the grace that placed itself where lives were torn apart. You called out to our country, and you whispered to those in pain. Now you belong to heaven, and the stars spell out your name. So wrong on so many levels. You’re so vain You probably think this song is about you You’re so vain (you’re so vain) I’ll bet you think this song is about you Don’t you, don’t you Well, if he does think the song is about him … then he’s right, isn’t he? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580.md?page=5)