# Songs that are just plain wrong **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 22, 2004, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580 "2004-10-22T11:50:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Selkie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@Selkie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Selkie)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/81 "2004-10-23T03:15:51Z")
> [@Art Vandelay](#): > > Perhaps this isn’t quite what the OP meant, but I’ve always had a pet peeve against the song “You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman.” I can’t help thinking that it implies that Aretha Franklin is NOT a natural woman. I can’t help wondering what she was ‘before the day she met him?’ An automaton? A Stepford Wife? The robot from ‘Metropolis’? Thank you so much for posting this. I have always disliked that song for the same reason, and when I mention this to others, they always give me a funny look. I’ve even specifically mentioned automaton and Stepford wife as possibilities, and can only wish I’d thought to add Maria to the list! ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/82 "2004-10-23T03:19:30Z")
> [@](#): > > I must be running out of luck > 'Cause you’re just not drunk enough to f\*\*\* Brought to us by the band Three Days Grace, it gets a horrified giggle out of me every time I hear it. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/83 "2004-10-23T03:36:19Z")
I originally intended this thread to be about songs that were factually wrong, but I love the direction it’s taken with “scary-wrong” and other forms of wrongness, so go ahead and define “wrong” any way you like 🙂 In the TMI category, there’s _Hurts So Good._ I didn’t really need to know that John Couger Melloncamp likes to get spanked. I wonder if he ever hooks up with Puddle of Mudd, who also feel the need to inform me of their affinity for erotic bondage (_Dirty Cage_) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d26b3c/32.png) [@Johnny\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Angel)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/84 "2004-10-23T04:43:51Z")
The old traditional song _Goodbye Old Paint_ bothers me: _Oh, when I die, take my saddle from the wall Put it on my pony, lead him out of the stall Tie my bones to his back, turn our faces to the west We’ll ride the prarie we love the best_ What, you want the horse to shlep your corpse around until, um, when? I mean, I don’t value a horse’s life over that of a human, but I do value it over a human’s corpse. _Burnadette_ by the Four Tops , which I think is meant to be perceived as just a passionate declaration of love, sounds to me like a paranoid rant by a drunk boyfriend beating on his girlfriend’s door. It’s psychotic. _Rock and Roll Heaven_ by The Righteous Brothers bugs the shit out of me because if there’s a Rock and Roll Heaven, none of the hacks who were involved with this farce are going to get in. There was a good song called _Rock and Roll Heaven_ by the Flares, but sadly nobody plays that on the radio. Instead we get this placebo talking about the glory of rock. Fuck the Righteous Brothers, and fuck anybody who covers this garbage. ---
**Author:** ![Kamino\_Neko](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kamino_neko/32/34_2.png) [@Kamino\_Neko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamino_Neko)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/85 "2004-10-23T05:04:46Z")
> [@Sam Stone](#): > > One of the funniest comedy bits I ever saw was a deconstruction of the song **Cecelia** by Simon and Garfunkle: That was by Simon Cotter. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/86 "2004-10-23T05:40:01Z")
_I am the egg man I am the egg man I am the walrus Goo goo gajoob_ Well, maybe you _are_ the “egg man” but you ain’t no walrus. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/87 "2004-10-23T05:58:48Z")
> [@D.E.S.K.Top668](#): > > I always get a chuckle out of the “how romatic” comments for Extreme’s _“More Then Words”_. It’s not romatic, the song’s character is just trying to get laid. > > Peace - DESK On the VH1 show, Bands Reunited, when they were trying to reunite Extreme, they talked to Gary Sharone who said that the song lyrics are misunderstood. He claims (I forget exactly, but basicaly that) the song was about him and his then girlfriend and how she thought that he wasn’t doing enough to show that he loved her. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/88 "2004-10-23T06:00:30Z")
> [@Peter Morris](#): > > You’re so vain > You probably think this song is about you > You’re so vain (you’re so vain) > I’ll bet you think this song is about you > Don’t you, don’t you > Well, if he does think the song is about him … then he’s right, isn’t he? YES! I’ve allways thought that about that song. I’m glad I’m not the only one. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/89 "2004-10-23T06:15:56Z")
_I stroke it to the East And I stroke it to the West And I stroke it to the woman That I love best I be strokin’_ T. M. fuckin’ I. ---
**Author:** ![Roland\_Orzabal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c2a13f/32.png) [@Roland\_Orzabal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roland_Orzabal)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/90 "2004-10-23T06:20:38Z")
Well, as long as we’re on the subject of older musicians liking girls who are too young for them, there’s always the entire Tears For Fears song “Call Me Mellow”. Sample lyric: \*If only I was half my age and she was older we’d live on ice cream on Coney Island And though it’s gravity that drags down my balloon she stays in orbit way after midnight Whoa, slip and slide…did she go all dewey-eyed?\* The funny thing about this song is that Roland Orzabal (the lead singer) is 43. “If only he was half his age”, he’d be 21 1/2. And the girl would still need to be _older?!_ Just how young are we talkin’ here, Roland? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/91 "2004-10-23T07:16:45Z")
Another entry in the Rock’n’Roll Hall Of Paedophilia: Good Morning, Little Schoolgirl, by The Yardbirds Good morning little schoolgirl Good morning little schoolgirl Can I go home with you? Oh, won’t you let me go home with you? So I can hug hug, squeeze squeeze If you let me I can tease you, baby. Like the man said, just like the old man in the book by Nabokov. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/92 "2004-10-23T07:18:44Z")
Oh yeah, and Thank Heaven For Little Girls by Maurice Chevalier. And thank hell for lecherous old Frenchmen. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/93 "2004-10-23T07:35:34Z")
> [@Middlecase](#): > > Another entry in the Rock’n’Roll Hall Of Paedophilia: Good Morning, Little Schoolgirl, by The Yardbirds > > Good morning little schoolgirl > Good morning little schoolgirl > Can I go home with you? > Oh, won’t you let me go home with you? > So I can hug hug, squeeze squeeze > If you let me I can tease you, baby. > > Like the man said, just like the old man in the book by Nabokov. That’s a cover of a traditional blues song. I think Willie Dixon is the original author. Anyway, how dirty the song really is seems to depend on which version you look at. Blues lyrics have a habit of changing dramatically when different people do them. The versions of this one that I’m used to make it clear it’s about a younger woman, but not THAT young. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/94 "2004-10-23T08:03:47Z")
“When you walk through a storm hold your head up high, and don’t be afrai–” FLASH!!! CRACKLE!!! BOOOM!!! ---
**Author:** ![DKW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dkw/32/3118_2.png) [@DKW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DKW)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 9:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/95 "2004-10-23T09:12:19Z")
'65 Love Affair Okay, so you, like, had an affair with this chick in 1965, and now you want to hook up with her again, but she rejected you because…uh…she’s weirded out by the stuff you did with her then. Which was okay in 1965, but not now. Three words, buddy…NOT WORTH IT. C’mon, you can do better than this pathetic ditz! We Built This City Aside from the obvious issue of what the freak this song is about, I have to ask…_San Francisco_ was built on rock 'n roll?? For crying out loud, at least go with something remotely plasuible! “Memphis” ring a bell? Africa This has about as much to do with Africa as Strikers 1945 has to do with World War 2. My guess is the songwriter was really hard pressed for a workable three-syllable word and eventually just flipped through the dictionary. All Star See Africa. I can’t _believe_ the NBA actually used this to promote an all-star game. This is eseentially a somewhat slower One Week. YMCA Through the roughly 500 billion times I’ve heard this song played, I’ve always wondered…has hooking up with gay guys at the local YMCA _ever_ been common practice, let alone now? Almost Paradise Ah… 1) Is _almost_ paradise really a good thing? 2) What the frag does that mean, anyway? Moonlight Shadow Uh…no, he was not carried away by a moonlight shadow. He was frickin’ MURDERED. Also, there’s a difference between a natural expression of grief and obsessing endlessly over a dead person. Also, this song just plain creeps me out, and there must’ve been at least ten better ways a song titled “Moonlight Shadow” could’ve gone, you insane sicko violence-obsessed songwriter. 🙂 Agree with Ironic, but that one’s been beaten into the ground, so I won’t comment. I kinda feel sorry for her. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 9:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/96 "2004-10-23T09:35:09Z")
_El Paso_, of course, doesn’t hold up too well to scrutiny. Let’s see, he’s got a crush on this chick who won’t give him the time of day (_Check. that happens all the time_). He calls out and kills the cowboy that she does love ( :eek: ). He hides out in New Mexico for a while, then gets lonesome for the girl whose boyfriend he killed (_I gotta file that one under “Things that are just too freakin’ bad”_). So he goes back to the scene of the crime, and there’s a posse waiting to gun him down like the murdering son of a bitch he is (_Hmmm, I wonder how they knew he was coming back_). The posse mortally wounds him, and up runs Felina to give him a big smooch as he draws his final breath (_Hey, you don’t suppose Felina somehow got word that he was back in town and **told the posse herself** _?). And we’re getting this story as he’s dying? This song represents his last words? Man. Last words really _are_ overrated. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/97 "2004-10-23T10:50:22Z")
_Come on everybody we got quiltin’ to do…_ :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/98 "2004-10-23T13:22:42Z")
The 4 Season’s “Oh, What A Night” has some really disturbing lyrics: You know, I didn’t even know her name. As I recall it ended much too soon. Losing your viriginity to an anonymous person (a prostitute?) and suffering from premature ejaculation. What a subject such upbeat music. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/99 "2004-10-23T13:39:18Z")
\*I shot the sherif But I did not shoot no deputy \* Well, the deputy is dead. If you didn’t shoot him, who did? \*All around in my hometown They’re tryin’ to track me down, yeah They say they want to bring me in guilty For the killing of a deputy, for the life of a deputy \* Strange that they should only want you for killing the deputy, but not the sherif. \*Sheriff John Brown always hated me For what I don’t know Ev’ry time I plant a seed He said, “Kill it before it grows.” \* Plant a seed? WTF is that about? A somewhat strange song. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2004, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580/100 "2004-10-23T15:11:40Z")
> [@Peter Morris](#): > > You’re so vain > You probably think this song is about you > You’re so vain (you’re so vain) > I’ll bet you think this song is about you > Don’t you, don’t you > Well, if he does think the song is about him … then he’s right, isn’t he? Not when the song is really about _her_, or maybe both of them. It’s certainly not just about him. > [@](#): > > \*Sheriff John Brown always hated me > For what I don’t know > Ev’ry time I plant a seed > He said, “Kill it before it grows.” > > Plant a seed? WTF is that about?\* Try seed = sperm. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-are-just-plain-wrong/270580.md?page=6)