# Songs that totally did not happen **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** music\ **Created:** [August 10, 2022, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417 "2022-08-10T06:36:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/1 "2022-08-10T06:36:25Z")
So which songs describe things that allegedly happened in real life, that totally totally did not happen… I mean Cecilia by Paul Simon: “Making love to Cecilia, I got up to wash my face and when I got back to bed someone had taken my place” I don’t buy it, no matter how dysfunctional and debauched your relationship was, this did not happen as you describe it. Also The Hold Steady, Chips Ahoy: “I got a girl and she don’t have to work She can tell which horse is gonna finish in first” No you don’t. As well as the obvious logical problem of causality. A girl who is able to tell which horse is finishing first is going to be a billionaire very soon, regardless of her drug problem. She’s not hanging out and placing three figure bets with the lead singer of a moderately successful indie band. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 6:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/2 "2022-08-10T06:46:43Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > “Making love to Cecilia, I got up to wash my face and when I got back to bed someone had taken my place” You weren’t around in the 1960s, were you? ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/3 "2022-08-10T06:50:33Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > You weren’t around in the 1960s, were you? Still don’t buy it. He’s getting up to wash his face. Which implies it’s his actual bathroom, not some rando sex party situation (and the context is he’s upset about it). This did not happen that way. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/4 "2022-08-10T07:19:44Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > Still don’t buy it. He’s getting up to wash his face. Which implies it’s his actual bathroom, not some rando sex party situation (and the context is he’s upset about it). This did not happen that way. You can hold a rando sex party at your own house. I mean, it has to be _somewhere_, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/5 "2022-08-10T08:22:14Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > I don’t buy it, no matter how dysfunctional and debauched your relationship was, this did not happen as you describe it. Why are you assuming the other guy wasn’t in the bed before Simon got out? Why are you assuming they were a guy? ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/6 "2022-08-10T09:53:02Z")
I’ve always wondered about **this one:** [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/xyjlxIcu8AM/hqdefault.jpg "Wildwood Weed (Jim Stafford) w/ lyrics") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyjlxIcu8AM) ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/7 "2022-08-10T09:58:05Z")
For that matter, I bet Paul Simon never even got sprung from jail by a radical priest after his folks caught him and Julio down by the schoolyard. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 10:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/8 "2022-08-10T10:07:09Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > “Making love to Cecilia, I got up to wash my face and when I got back to bed someone had taken my place” I always interpreted it as the narrator is a cat. He’s being petted by Cecelia. He decides he’s had enough attention for a while. He goes away to wash his face, as cats do. When he comes back, looking for more attention, Cecelia is with her boyfriend. He feels jealous. That’s my headcanon, and I’m sticking to it. I don’t care if Paul Simon agrees or not. ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/9 "2022-08-10T10:09:40Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > That’s my headcanon, and I’m sticking to it. I don’t care if Paul Simon agrees or not. He doesn’t. 🙂 > **[Cecilia (Simon & Garfunkel song) | Composition](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cecilia_(Simon_%26_Garfunkel_song)#Composition)** > > Simon has suggested that the "Cecilia" of the title refers to St. Cecilia, patron saint of music in the Catholic tradition, and thus the song might refer to the frustration of fleeting inspiration in songwriting, the vagaries of musical fame or in a wider sense the absurdity of pop culture. The song is generally interpreted as a lament over a capricious lover who causes both anguish and jubilation to the singer. St. Cecilia is mentioned in another Paul Simon song, "The Coast" (from his 1990 al ---
**Author:** ![Dag\_Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@Dag\_Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dag_Otto)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/10 "2022-08-10T12:07:43Z")
Legend has it that you can get _anything_ you want, at Alice’s Restaurant. With one notable exception. But that’s pretty implausible. Anything, that is. The exception makes sense. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/11 "2022-08-10T12:12:40Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > “Making love to Cecilia, I got up to wash my face and when I got back to bed someone had taken my place” > > I don’t buy it, no matter how dysfunctional and debauched your relationship was, this did not happen as you describe it. The OP seems to struggle with creative exaggeration to make a point, and metaphor in general, in song lyrics. I’ll try to help: _ **Hotel California - The Eagles** _ **Th** ere’s no actual hotel of this name where crazy things happen and you can never leave. It’ s a metaphor for the dangers of fame and the excessive SoCal lifestyle of the 70s. _ **Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin** _ **Th** ere’s no actual stairway to Heaven, no matter how much glittery gold you have to buy one. It’s a metaphor for…well, I’d have to listen to the song again, and that’s not gonna happen soon. _ **Eye of the Tiger - Survivor** _ A metaphor for working hard toward a goal. Not having the visual organ of a large jungle feline surgically implanted in one’s eye socket. _ **Girl on Fire - Alicia Keys** _ A metaphor for a young female who is doing very well personally and / or professionally, not being immolated. 😉 > [@Dag\_Otto](#): > > Legend has it that you can get _anything_ you want, at Alice’s Restaurant. With one notable exception. The Stones set Arlo straight a couple years later. Except, you can’t always get what you need, either. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/12 "2022-08-10T12:31:40Z")
Do you think Lola was a true story? Never happened… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/13 "2022-08-10T12:38:09Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > So which songs describe things that allegedly happened in real life, that totally totally did not happen… > > I mean Cecilia by Paul Simon: > “Making love to Cecilia, I got up to wash my face and when I got back to bed someone had taken my place” > > I don’t buy it, no matter how dysfunctional and debauched your relationship was, this did not happen as you describe it. Must _everything_ be literal? Do you worry about those poor people on _Gilligan’s Island_? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/14 "2022-08-10T12:38:20Z")
No way did he climb aboard their starship and head for the skies. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/15 "2022-08-10T12:50:13Z")
As others have noted, it’s hyperbole and meant to be understood as such. Simon could have written something easier to take literally, such as “We made love in the afternoon, and later that night my friend told me he saw you go into a cheap motel with some other guy.” That’s tough, sure, but the way Simon wrote it conveys more emotional impact and probably better expresses the way a guy would feel. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/16 "2022-08-10T13:03:39Z")
I’m pretty sure this is supposed to be a joke thread. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/17 "2022-08-10T13:19:08Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > I mean Cecilia by Paul Simon: > “Making love to Cecilia, I got up to wash my face and when I got back to bed someone had taken my place” It’s far worse than that. She’s shaking his confidence **daily**. This happens to him _every day_. You would think he’d learn. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/18 "2022-08-10T13:22:18Z")
Well, “whoosh” for me. 😬 ---
**Author:** ![pkbites](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pkbites/32/204_2.png) [@pkbites](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pkbites)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/19 "2022-08-10T13:22:36Z")
I remember seeing an interview of John Mellencamp and he talked about stories in songs that never actually happened. He said something close to “I’m a song writer, goddamn it! I’m supposed to make things up”. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2022, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/20 "2022-08-10T13:38:48Z")
Same. Jokingly cite songs with possible but deeply improbable situations as conveyed by the singer. Not legitimately worry whether or not Paul Simon is lying to us. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417.md?page=2)