# Songs that totally did not happen **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** music\ **Created:** [August 10, 2022, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417 "2022-08-10T06:36:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 10
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2022, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/181 "2022-08-14T23:25:53Z")
I think that was the point. So whoosh. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2022, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/182 "2022-08-14T23:29:15Z")
Love it when this happens. I imagine I’m hearing “whoooooooooooooosh” ---
**Author:** ![dorvann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df705f/32.png) [@dorvann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorvann)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/183 "2022-08-15T03:08:59Z")
Not really a song but I doubt there was a man from Nantucket who had a body part so long he could suck it… ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/184 "2022-08-15T07:02:43Z")
The stories about him are greatly exaggerated! Regardless, the only way you can go to sleep in America and wake up a millionaire is if (a) you win the lottery or (c) a rich relative croaks and you’re his or her sole heir. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/185 "2022-08-15T14:31:44Z")
> [@dorvann](#): > > Not really a song but I doubt there was a man from Nantucket who had a body part so long he could suck it… Ron Jeremy was rumored to be able to do so. I am NOT going to search for pictures. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/186 "2022-08-15T14:37:30Z")
> [@terentii](#): > > The stories about him are greatly exaggerated! There once was a man from Nantucket Who kept all his cash in a bucket His young wife named Nan Ran away with a man And as for the bucket, Nantucket. Sounds believable. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/187 "2022-08-15T14:53:36Z")
Used as a joke in **Least I Could Do** : [Least I Could Do: the Comic](https://leasticoulddo.com/comic/20170602) ---
**Author:** ![John\_Bredin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/96bed5/32.png) [@John\_Bredin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Bredin)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/188 "2022-08-15T15:00:52Z")
Hey, Billy Joel, there are still factories in Allentown, so they weren’t “closing ALL the factories down”. On the other hand, “psycho Belgians in the Congo”? Spot on! ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/189 "2022-08-15T15:40:38Z")
I don’t believe anyone can turn the gray sky blue, make it rain whenever they want it to, build a castle from a single grain of sand, or make a ship sail on dry land But I can totally believe they can’t get next to you ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/190 "2022-08-15T16:02:19Z")
I was told that The Man With The Golden Gun is an assassin that’s second to none, and then I saw him come in second against James Bond in an ‘assassin’ contest. _“No hit man can match him,”_ they said. _“Bang,”_ replied Bond. _“If you want to get rid of someone, The Man With The Golden Gun Will Get It Done,”_ they said. > [@Ron Howard](#): > > “But he really didn’t.” ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/191 "2022-08-15T16:24:55Z")
I don’t believe that Billie Holiday settled revolutions in Spain, but it is possible that Basie invited her to tea. ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/192 "2022-08-15T16:34:29Z")
She did do a screentest to play God. ---
**Author:** ![peccavi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peccavi/32/388_2.png) [@peccavi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peccavi)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/193 "2022-08-15T17:27:09Z")
I don’t believe a headless Thompson gunner could aim well enough to blow Van Owen to Johannesburg. ---
**Author:** ![SunUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SunUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunUp)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/194 "2022-08-15T17:30:33Z")
You don’t need to aim a Tommy gun. Just spray and pray. ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/195 "2022-08-15T17:54:50Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > I don’t believe anyone can turn the gray sky blue, But, something did make Crystal Gayle’s brown eyes blue. ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/196 "2022-08-15T18:00:12Z")
I believe he hit you. I cannot believe it felt like a kiss. ---
**Author:** ![Dropo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Dropo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dropo)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/197 "2022-08-15T18:28:33Z")
The Rolling Stones’ ”Sympathy for the Devil” offers a clear case of non-factual songwriting, instead relying on the simplistic appeal of a metaphysical conceit who takes great (and big-lipped) relish in bafflement while insinuating pivotal involvement in a litany of historical evils over centuries. Such claims, of course, have no cred whatsoever. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/198 "2022-08-15T20:00:00Z")
> [@Author\_Balk](#): > > But, something did make Crystal Gayle’s brown eyes blue. Donuts. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2022, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/199 "2022-08-15T20:25:03Z")
It’s fairly well known that Johnny Cash never shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2022, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/200 "2022-08-16T04:31:01Z")
Nor could he have fallen into a burning ring of fire and lived to sing about it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417.md?page=9) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417.md?page=11)