# Songs that totally did not happen **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** music\ **Created:** [August 10, 2022, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417 "2022-08-10T06:36:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/121 "2022-08-11T07:23:19Z")
In the spirit of Bob & Ray, who once tested song lyrics for accuracy (does the dawn really come up like thunder 'cross the China Bay?), I can attest to the accuracy of this. I was once a Piano Man in a biker bar, and although most other PM’s had to pay for their drinks, since I imbibed so little, our bartender never charged me. But if someone offered to buy me a drink, I always let them. I figured I was paying the establishment back. So I rate this lyric as potentially accurate. ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/122 "2022-08-11T07:29:59Z")
> [@whitetho](#): > > All I can say is Mr. Hammond is very confused… More than once. I can attest to the fact it DOES rain in Southern California. And when it rains, it pours. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/Gmq4WIjQxp0/maxresdefault.jpg "Albert Hammond - It Never Rains In Southern California (1973) HD 0815007") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gmq4WIjQxp0) ---
**Author:** ![GreysonCarlisle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a87d85/32.png) [@GreysonCarlisle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreysonCarlisle)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 10:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/123 "2022-08-11T10:56:46Z")
Oh, it had a name. It just wasn’t in a sharing mood because you dragged it out into the middle of the damn desert. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/124 "2022-08-11T11:16:09Z")
I like Dave Barry’s take on it: “You’re in the middle of the desert. You have nothing else to do. Give the damn horse a name!” ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/125 "2022-08-11T12:49:22Z")
> [@Musicat](#): > > In the spirit of Bob & Ray, who once tested song lyrics for accuracy (does the dawn really come up like thunder 'cross the China Bay?), I can attest to the accuracy of this. I was once a Piano Man in a biker bar, and although most other PM’s had to pay for their drinks, since I imbibed so little, our bartender never charged me. But if someone offered to buy me a drink, I always let them. I figured I was paying the establishment back. > > So I rate this lyric as potentially accurate. Yeah, but I don’t believe for an instant that he wore a younger man’s clothes. I’m pretty sure he would have worn his own damn clothes. They’d fit better, and he would know where they’ve been. ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/126 "2022-08-11T12:51:31Z")
Play pinball relying on one’s sense of smell? Seems a trifle unlikely to me. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/127 "2022-08-11T13:07:57Z")
> [@dorvann](#): > > But did Weird Al really have dreams about being stuck in a closet with Vanna White night after night after night? Seems about as likely Leonard Graves Phillips of the Dickies being stuck in a pagoda with Tricia Toyota, or stuck in a condo with Marlon Brando. ---
**Author:** ![Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmer_j.fudd/32/1211_2.png) [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elmer_J.Fudd)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/128 "2022-08-11T13:47:34Z")
> [@Cardigan](#): > > Play pinball relying on one’s sense of smell? Seems a trifle unlikely to me. And seeing for _miles_? There’s no middle ground for Pete. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/129 "2022-08-11T13:49:16Z")
Well, intuition too. ---
**Author:** ![SunUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea5d25/32.png) [@SunUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SunUp)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/130 "2022-08-11T15:14:27Z")
> [@Elmer\_J.Fudd](#): > > And seeing for _miles_? There’s no middle ground for Pete. Miles was blind. The song’s narrator is his service dog. ---
**Author:** ![EinsteinsHund](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/einsteinshund/32/8400_2.png) [@EinsteinsHund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EinsteinsHund)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/131 "2022-08-11T15:43:16Z")
That dog must serve a lot of guys named Miles: _I can see for Miles and Miles_ _I can see for Miles and Miles_ _I can see for Miles and Miles and Miles and Miles and Miles…_ ---
**Author:** ![Pleonast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pleonast/32/1183_2.png) [@Pleonast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pleonast)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/132 "2022-08-11T15:47:27Z")
I totally believe a Gambler finished off some whiskey and a smoke, while bull-shitting about cards. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/133 "2022-08-11T17:15:45Z")
Speaking of Nancy Sinatra, I really, really hope that the choice to do a [love duet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f48fpoSEPU) with her dad was not based on real events. I also don’t think that Alan Sherman actually ever went to Camp Granada. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/134 "2022-08-11T17:37:11Z")
The thing is, I can’t tell which of you are having fun with this thread, apart from those of you who really do take lyrics literally and assume all songs are supposed to be factually accurate. Anyway, my take on Cecilia is that she was so promiscuous, she seemed to switch bed partners as quickly as it took Simon to wash his face. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/135 "2022-08-11T17:42:06Z")
> [@pirviii](#): > > I don’t think Bob Marley really shot the sheriff. Well, in that case, maybe he did indeed shoot the deputy… ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/136 "2022-08-11T17:52:32Z")
No one is going to buy an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini without trying it on first. And they certainly won’t wear it for the first time to the beach and then spend the whole day covered with a blanket or hiding in the water until they turn blue. They’d just wear something else. Jeez! It totally didn’t happen, unless she’s a complete moron. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/137 "2022-08-11T18:06:34Z")
> [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](#): > > No one is going to buy an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini without trying it on first. And the description is far too vague to take seriously. Was it a yellow bikini with white polka dots, or a white bikini with yellow polka dots? ---
**Author:** ![Keeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Keeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keeve)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/138 "2022-08-11T19:01:09Z")
> [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](#): > > It totally didn’t happen, unless she’s a complete moron. Never underestimate the power of [buyer’s remorse](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buyer%27s_remorse), or how surprised you can get when it hits you. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/139 "2022-08-11T19:12:09Z")
> [@Knowed\_Out](#): > > Anyway, my take on Cecilia is that she was so promiscuous, she seemed to switch bed partners as quickly as it took Simon to wash his face. My take is that she’s the kind of woman who’d playfully give a name to her vibrator. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/140 "2022-08-11T19:16:36Z")
"Found my brother (at five o’clock?) the next mornin’ naked, sitting on the wind mill. Said he flew up there. He was about half crazy, I had to fly up there and go get him. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417.md?page=8)