# Songs that totally did not happen **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** music\ **Created:** [August 10, 2022, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417 "2022-08-10T06:36:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/141 "2022-08-11T19:43:43Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > I like Dave Barry’s take on it: “You’re in the middle of the desert. You have nothing else to do. Give the damn horse a name!” On the other hand, you shouldn’t name something you might have to eat. After all, the heat was hot and after three days he thought the desert was fun, so clearly mad as a hatter. And there ain’t no one for to tell you that when you have heatstroke, grammar is the first thing to go. Horse naming is just WAY down the list. ---
**Author:** ![terentii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terentii/32/212_2.png) [@terentii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/terentii)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/142 "2022-08-11T19:45:37Z")
Kind of hard to find a place where the buffalo roam, since they’ve almost all been slaughtered. And what games can deer and antelope play? Hide and seek? Kickball? Trivial Pursuit? Whoever says “seldom is heard a discouraging word” has never spent any time fraternizing with ranch hands. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/143 "2022-08-11T20:04:30Z")
> [@pkbites](#): > > I remember seeing an interview of John Mellencamp and he talked about stories in songs that never actually happened. Speaking of Mr. Mellencamp, normal people do not suck on chili dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/144 "2022-08-11T21:31:29Z")
And he sure says a lot for somebody who has no time to talk ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/145 "2022-08-11T23:10:53Z")
Of course, it’s not all lies and equivocations; truth be told, I _did_ have a peaceful, easy feeling, and I _did_ want to sleep with her in the desert that night. ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2022, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/146 "2022-08-11T23:50:48Z")
No matter how rich she was before being expelled from school, no one Bob Dylan knew used to ride on a chrome horse with a diplomat who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat and took from her everything he could steal. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2022, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/147 "2022-08-12T01:46:13Z")
> [@penultima\_thule](#): > > Why are you assuming the other guy wasn’t in the bed before Simon got out? > Why are you assuming they were a guy? Because if was having a threesome, then WTF does he have to complain about? That a third person had the temerity to get involved in this threesome he was having? Cecelia is not the crazy one in this situation if so. ---
**Author:** ![griffin1977](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/977dab/32.png) [@griffin1977](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/griffin1977)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2022, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/148 "2022-08-12T01:47:49Z")
> [@Kent\_Clark](#): > > No matter how rich she was before being expelled from school, no one Bob Dylan knew used to ride on a chrome horse with a diplomat who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat and took from her everything he could steal. Yeah I’d agree, but only because this anecdote seems to involve a suspiciously large number of things that rhyme 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2022, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/149 "2022-08-12T02:12:10Z")
> [@griffin1977](#): > > WTF does he have to complain about? You may well be right. But then you would also need to accept there is a contradiction between “totally did not happen” and “complaining that it did happen” ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2022, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/150 "2022-08-12T05:03:27Z")
I’m very sceptical that someone could be their own Grandpa. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2022, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/151 "2022-08-12T05:29:42Z")
No way that all the lights in Georgia went out at the same time. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats2)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2022, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/152 "2022-08-12T12:37:35Z")
Another Dave Barry gem: “Mr. Diamond, your Barca Lounger on line three.” ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats2)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2022, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/153 "2022-08-12T12:42:44Z")
I always thought Cecilia and her singer were living in a hippie commune. I hope not the Spahn Ranch. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2022, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/154 "2022-08-12T13:07:15Z")
😄 Dave’s awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2022, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/155 "2022-08-13T02:08:49Z")
I’m fairly certain Waldo Jeffers never mailed himself to his girlfriend. Also The lead singer of the Dickies was never stuck in a pagoda with Tricia Toyota(or a condo with Marlon Brando, for that matter.) ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2022, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/156 "2022-08-13T18:39:40Z")
Well, it is supposed to be about or inspired by something like a five or six year old girl, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t have much agency in the matter. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2022, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/157 "2022-08-13T19:30:39Z")
If Ms. Carpenter can be on top of the world, looking down on creation, well, that’s pretty darned impressive. ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2022, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/158 "2022-08-13T22:48:16Z")
I’ve always wondered how Donna Fargo knew that she was the happiest girl in the whole USA. Was the happiness level measured for every person? How do you measure happiness? What period of time was she the happiest? Was it for just a few minutes, or was she the happiest for an extended period of time? ---
**Author:** ![Kent\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kent_clark/32/105_2.png) [@Kent\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kent_Clark)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2022, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/159 "2022-08-14T02:46:35Z")
If Linda Ronstadt were actually traveling to the beat of a different drum, how could she have sung in tempo with the rest of the musicians? ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2022, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417/160 "2022-08-14T04:58:50Z")
Sorry, Ozzy, you rock hard along with the rest of the band in this one, but that’s some big talk in “Supernaut”: _I’ve crossed the oceans, turned every bend_ _I found the plastic at the gold at rainbow’s end_ _I’ve been through magic and through life’s reality_ _I’ve lived a thousand years and it never bothered me_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-that-totally-did-not-happen/969417.md?page=9)