# Songs they'd NEVER let contestants perform on American Idol **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 24, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922 "2007-07-24T03:20:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/1 "2007-07-24T03:20:25Z")
I assume the producers of American Idol have a list of songs available to perform, but in this fantasy world, the contestants can choose any song pending approval. What songs would they reject for reasons other than quality? Genre could be considered, but assume the choice otherwise matches the week’s theme. “Sell Out” - Reel Big Fish “Poem on the Underground Wall” - Simon & Garfunkel “I Bet You They Won’t Play This Song on the Radio” or “Sit On My Face” - Monty Python “Johnny Tarr” - Gaelic Storm “Molasses to Rum” - _1776_ musical Care to add or dispute? ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/2 "2007-07-24T03:23:19Z")
Darlin’ Nikki - Prince & The Revolution ---
**Author:** ![supervenusfreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@supervenusfreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/supervenusfreak)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/3 "2007-07-24T03:24:22Z")
“Nature Trail to Hell” by Weird Al. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/4 "2007-07-24T03:27:09Z")
Anything by Tenacious D, but most notably “Fuck Her Gently” and “Double Team.” ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/5 "2007-07-24T03:27:39Z")
That one by Violent Femmes about jerking off. ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/6 "2007-07-24T03:27:45Z")
I Touch Myself - The Divinyls ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/7 "2007-07-24T03:28:36Z")
‘Liar’ by Henry Rollins ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/8 "2007-07-24T03:33:10Z")
[QUOTE=vivalostwages] That one by Violent Femmes about jerking off. [/QUOTE] Did you mean “Blister in the Sun”? I would think “Add it Up” would have trouble getting by the judges or “Dance, MotherF\*\*ker, Dance”. As would “The Roof is on fire” SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/9 "2007-07-24T03:34:18Z")
“Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazzarus–think Silence of the Lambs Buffalo Bill scene. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/10 "2007-07-24T03:37:56Z")
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz] Did you mean “Blister in the Sun”? [/QUOTE] I still think that song’s about a guy who decides he’s gay. I also nominate: _Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap_, AC/DC _Murder By Numbers_, The Police _Fuck Me Kitten_, REM _Fuck Tha Police_, NWA _Killing In The Name_, Rage Against The Machine _Uncle Fucker_, South Park movie soundtrack _What The Fuck Was That_, Evil Dead: The Musical soundtrack _Move Bitch_, Ludacris ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/11 "2007-07-24T03:41:33Z")
_My Way_ as performed by Sid Vicious _Waiting for the Man_ by Velvet Underground _Heroin_ by Velvet Underground ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/12 "2007-07-24T03:42:23Z")
[QUOTE=garygnu] “Molasses to Rum” - _1776_ musical [/QUOTE] I am picturing Clay Aiken singing this and it feels very _wrong_. However, I expect that Carrie Underwood could actually sing this without missing the point (as part of a musical production; I don’t think a song praising the necessity of slavery would make it very far otherwise), but not on _American Idol_. Here are some more: – “Drive” – Melissa Ferrick – just about anything out of The Who’s musical, _Tommy,_ but especially the song about the child molestor babysitter – any number of Pretty Balanced songs, but especially “Emyli,” which is about domestic abuse, and “Floating,” which is about the love that dare not speak its name ---
**Author:** ![Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a9a28c/32.png) [@Oslo\_Ostragoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oslo_Ostragoth)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/13 "2007-07-24T03:42:46Z")
_Rocky Top_ ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/14 "2007-07-24T03:44:27Z")
[QUOTE=RickJay] [snip] I still think that song’s about a guy who decides he’s gay.[/snip] [/QUOTE] Even though: > [@](#): > > (Verse 2)Body and beats I stain my sheets I don’t even know why > my **girlfriend** she’s at the end she is starting to cry He uses the big hand too much for his girlfriend’s satisfaction. SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/15 "2007-07-24T03:47:49Z")
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz] Even though: He uses the big hand too much for his girlfriend’s satisfaction. SSG Schwartz [/QUOTE] I think she’s crying because he’s obviously attracted to guys with big cocks: “Big hands, I know you’re the one?” He’s not talking about his hands, he wants a guy with a big schwanz. Who is it he’s checking out when he’s high as a kite? ---
**Author:** ![BabaBooey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dfb087/32.png) [@BabaBooey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BabaBooey)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/16 "2007-07-24T03:49:18Z")
Wonder if Steely Dan’s “Dirty Work” would make it on. I can only hope so. ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/17 "2007-07-24T03:49:18Z")
[QUOTE=Miss Purl McKnittington] [snip] – just about anything out of The Who’s musical, _Tommy,_ but especially the song about the child molestor babysitter[/snip] [/QUOTE] Did you mean[Cousin Kevin](http://www.lyricsdomain.com/20/the_who/cousin_kevin.html)? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/18 "2007-07-24T03:52:29Z")
[From wikipedia on Blister in the Sun:](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blister_in_the_Sun) > [@](#): > > According to lead singer Gordon Gano, this song is about masturbation as popularly thought. Lead singer Gordon Gano wrote the song after often fantasizing about having large hands to pull his pud with. [1] \ ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/19 "2007-07-24T03:53:14Z")
[QUOTE=RickJay] I think she’s crying because he’s obviously attracted to guys with big cocks: “Big hands, I know you’re the one?” He’s not talking about his hands, he wants a guy with a big schwanz. Who is it he’s checking out when he’s high as a kite? [/QUOTE] I always thought he was checking out too many chicks and spilling his seed by his own big hand before he was to have sex. How else would he stain his sheets? SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/20 "2007-07-24T03:54:23Z")
[QUOTE=Zakalwe] Darlin’ Nikki - Prince & The Revolution [/QUOTE] That was my choice. Granted, the following aren’t terribly popular songs, but imagining a Idol-ite crooning them makes me giggle. “Balls To The Wall,” Accept “Big Balls,” AC/DC “Pink Thing,” XTC (but it’s about a baby!) “My Ding-A-Ling,” Chuck Berry “Sexual Healing,” Marvin Gaye “Cop Killer,” Body Count “Reel Around The Fountain,” The Smiths [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922.md?page=2)