# Songs they'd NEVER let contestants perform on American Idol **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 24, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922 "2007-07-24T03:20:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![DWMarch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwmarch/32/1010_2.png) [@DWMarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWMarch)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/41 "2007-07-24T07:56:40Z")
[QUOTE=Manduck] “To Drunk Too Fuck” by the Dead Kennedys. Great, great song, but can’t do it on TV. [/QUOTE] This song has been on TV. It was used in an Angel episode but it did cut away before the chorus. I think it was in Season 5’s “Destiny.” ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 8:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/42 "2007-07-24T08:02:41Z")
_Rio_, by Duran Duran. What? OK, how about _Turning Japanese_, by The Vapors. ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/43 "2007-07-24T09:19:40Z")
The one sung to the Colonel Bogey March. You know the lyrics: > [@](#): > > Hitler has only got one ball, > Göring has two but very small, > Himmler is somewhat sim’lar, > But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all. Well, why _else_ would they whistle that specific tune in _The Bridge on the River Kwai_? ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/44 "2007-07-24T09:52:03Z")
“Outside Now” or “Bobby Brown Goes Down” by Frank Zappa “Carbona, Not Glue” or “53rd and 3rd” by The Ramones “Delia’s Gone” or “Sam Hall” by Johnny Cash mm ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/45 "2007-07-24T11:00:13Z")
[QUOTE=Darryl Lict] **Star Fucker** (Star Star) by the **Rolling Stones**. Oddly apropos for American Idol. [/QUOTE] Or a Rolling Stones song that was never formally released, the infamous \* Cocksucker Blues\*. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/46 "2007-07-24T11:06:18Z")
[QUOTE=Pochacco] I think most of The Dead Kennedys’ oeuvre would be off-limits: “California Uber Alles”? “Holiday in Cambodia”? “Kill the Poor”? “I Kill Children”? [/QUOTE] “We’re not a punk-rock band, we’re a _new wave_ band…” Mind you, some Lard {Jello Biafra vs. Ministry} would go down equally poorly: “Can God Fill Teeth?” “Don’t ask me why, but I was walking down a street in Fairfax, California when I saw a flyer hangin’ on a telephone pole and it said “Can God Fill Teeth?” That’s right! See silver fillings turn to GOLD, and other super-normal dental happenings. Bring a flashlight and a mirror to _OBSERVE_!” {Cue heavy industrial noise with sampled dentist drill noises and screams}. “War Pimp Renaissance” would probably bring the house down, too. ---
**Author:** ![Wallenstein](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b5a626/32.png) [@Wallenstein](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallenstein)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/47 "2007-07-24T11:12:05Z")
The _Horst Wessel Lied_. ---
**Author:** ![mhairi2222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee7513/32.png) [@mhairi2222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhairi2222)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/48 "2007-07-24T11:27:41Z")
pretty much anything every written by the band Cannibal Corpse… > **[CANNIBAL CORPSE lyrics](http://www.darklyrics.com/c/cannibalcorpse.html)** > > CANNIBAL CORPSE lyrics - 183 song lyrics from 17 albums, including "Violence Unimagined" (2021). I especially like the song titled ‘I cum blood’ Lovely stuff… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/49 "2007-07-24T11:54:16Z")
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz] I meant to say [H.W.C](http://www.lyricsdepot.com/liz-phair/h-w-c.html) by Liz Phair. The lyrics are NSFW, but don’t hum them and you should be OK. SSG Schwartz [/QUOTE] Great, thanks for putting this into my head for the rest of the day. Damn that song is catchy…and completely inappropriate for a straight male to get caught singing in the middle of a work day. 🙂 I’ll add “Rehab” by Amy Winehouse to the list. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/50 "2007-07-24T12:06:41Z")
any number of punk songs but let’s go for Code Blue by TSOL Alex for $200 ---
**Author:** ![phungi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/phungi/32/395_2.png) [@phungi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phungi)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/51 "2007-07-24T12:17:59Z")
Keeping with the Smiths, while they might “allow” it, but I would love to hear someone sing _This Charming Man_ > [@](#): > > Will nature make a man of me yet?.. Then in this charming car, this charming man…why pamper life’s complexities when the leather runs smooth on the passenger’s seat? Also, “Handsome Devil” > [@](#): > > All streets are crammed with things > eager to be held > I know what hands are for > and I’d like to help myself > you ask me the time > but I sense something more > and I would like to give you > what I think you are asking for > you handsome devil > you handsome devil > > Let me get my hands > on your mammary glands > let me get your head > on the conjugal bed > I say, I say, I say ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/52 "2007-07-24T13:33:56Z")
The theme song from that cartoon that used to be on Captain Kangaroo. “Well you know my name is Simon…” ---
**Author:** ![BooBoo316](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e0b2c6/32.png) [@BooBoo316](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BooBoo316)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/53 "2007-07-24T14:05:17Z")
W.A.S.P. “Animal (Fuck Like a Beast)” One of my personal favorites. ---
**Author:** ![Barrett\_Bonden](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5e9695/32.png) [@Barrett\_Bonden](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barrett_Bonden)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/54 "2007-07-24T14:10:52Z")
It’s not edgy at all, but I sometimes wonder if a contestant asked to sing “Ten Rounds With Jose Cuervo,” would s/he be permitted to perform it? I think Bucky could have pulled it off. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/55 "2007-07-24T14:32:14Z")
Either _Po Lazarus_ or _The East is Red_. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/56 "2007-07-24T14:43:11Z")
[QUOTE=Sgt Schwartz] Did you mean[Cousin Kevin](http://www.lyricsdomain.com/20/the_who/cousin_kevin.html)? [/QUOTE] Cousin Kevin is a bully, but Wicked Uncle Ernie is the molester in “Fiddle About”: “Down with the bed clothes/up with the nightshirt…” ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/57 "2007-07-24T14:54:55Z")
[QUOTE=Barrett Bonden] It’s not edgy at all, but I sometimes wonder if a contestant asked to sing “Ten Rounds With Jose Cuervo,” would s/he be permitted to perform it? I think Bucky could have pulled it off. [/QUOTE] Yeah, but with their format the singer would only get through two, maybe three rounds. I nom “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks(?). ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/58 "2007-07-24T15:08:54Z")
Nothing by Tom Waits, clean or dirty, will ever be on that show. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/59 "2007-07-24T15:56:10Z")
[QUOTE=flight] Nothing by Tom Waits, clean or dirty, will ever be on that show. [/QUOTE] “Martha” could make it. It was covered by Meat Loaf who has been on AI before. ---
**Author:** ![well\_he\_s\_back](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3ab097/32.png) [@well\_he\_s\_back](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/well_he_s_back)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2007, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922/60 "2007-07-24T16:31:00Z")
I don’t think these obvious non-choices have been mentioned: “Excitable Boy”, “Lawyers, Guns, and Money” - Warren Zevon “I don’t like Mondays” “Why don’t we get drunk and screw” “Why don’t we do it in the road” “I want my MTV” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/songs-theyd-never-let-contestants-perform-on-american-idol/412922.md?page=4)